Michelle2nd
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Joined: 31 Mar 2008
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 Posted: 03/31/08 - 06:35 Post subject: A sad hysterectomy story |
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My mom was in her mid forties when she was found a cyst on her ovary. At the time, she wasn’t even started perimenopause. I still don’t know what type of the four ovarian cysts it was but her doctor advised hysterectomy since she’s done giving birth. Apparently, one of his previous patients had not had the same cyst treated and it had burst while she was walking in the street leading to internal bleeding and eventually death.
My mom was a happy woman. She was overweight her all life but she always had a smile on her face and this is why she was loved by the people. She was working as a nurse and knew many people and was always meeting new ones wherever she went. She was helpful in every aspect of her life. Many friends still speak of the times she was there for them.
I suppose that she found hope in the doctor’s words and his surgery advice. Ten years ago, information was not so easy to find and she probably didn’t look much into the possible side effects of hysterectomy. She decided to go through with the procedure. The surgery went well. It was total. She had all of her reproductive organs removed and she thought she was safe. Safe from additional cysts, safe of uterine fibroids, safe of ovarian, cervical and uterus cancer but she didn’t know what was waiting around the corner.
The recovery period was short and we thought that the surgery went well. A few weeks following the surgery, she even danced at the cousin’s wedding. People could not believe she had taken it so well. She’s been taking hormone supplements for a year but they didn’t seem to have helped much and the hormones went ballistics.
Soon after, her mood started to change and she would go earlier to bed and became quiet. She started minding any kind of noise and wanted TV down. She stopped reading and calling her friends. She had additional stress at work and suddenly her condition was heading the downward path with a speed of bullet. Before we knew she was hospitalized. She was given antidepressants and sent home after a few weeks. This is when she first tried to commit a suicide. She decided to jump from the top of the building. Luckily, some neighbors saw her and called 911. She was hospitalized again and given some new meds, she also had behavioral therapy but that didn’t help either. Things were still going down the road. Each time she would be sent home, she would try another suicide. Next time it was the pills.
When we tried talking to her, her only words were: “You don’t understand, it’s stronger than me”. Every time she spoke, she would say: “I wish I didn’t wake up in the morning.” She was going to bed at 6pm and waking up at 5 am.
I would hardly sleep at night because every time she would go to a kitchen or toilet, I would wake up and listen to what she was doing. It was hard to watch her sad face every day. We were unable to help her and the doctor said it wasn’t up to us at all. He said it was her fight.
Since nothing seemed helpful, another doctor suggested shock therapy. She was constantly refusing to undergo this treatment but we didn’t know what else to do and we accepted. I still regret this decision. Shock therapy didn’t make her condition any better but it did erase a big part of her memory. She forgot all the birthdays, food recipes and many other things/events from her past while some other parts of the memory stayed intact.
This kind of condition went on for a few years. She used to spend some time in the hospital and some time at home. At one point she stopped eating and literally melted her pound off. In some time, it seemed that some meds helped her and made her condition stable. But what does stable mean for severe depression? She only stopped talking about suicide and death but is still very inactive, antisocial, doesn’t leave the house, can’t concentrate on anything, can’t read.
In time, we have managed to persuade her to make us lunch and wash the laundry. She used to clean the house but not anymore. She sits in front of the TV, supposedly watching TV serious, drinks her coffee, smokes a few cigarettes. She has these rituals. Everything is planned in her day and she hates if something suddenly comes up.
The drugs made her blunt. She hardly has any emotions left. She cares only for me and my father and no one else but she won’t even do things for us if they interfere with her daily routines.
Sometimes she cries. She says she is sorry that this had happened to her and that she wished things were as before.
I remember how she loved to go places and meet people. I remember how she would make my every wish come true. She and my father had so many friends and they always had people over. She would always make dinners and sweets to welcome the guests. She was sweet to my friends too.
I meet some of her girlfriends in the streets nowadays. Most of them are retired and are enjoying their free days. I see them go shopping, having fun in the city or spending time out with their grandchildren.
And my mom is sitting all alone in her dark home. |
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