|
Did you find posts in this topic useful?
|
 
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Guest
Guest
Report abuse
|
 Posted: 04/09/08 - 12:46 Post subject: Abortion |
  |
|
 I had an abortion when I was 18 and it was the best personal decision so far. However, I would never do it again. While the physical pain of the pill they gave me...you know the pill I'm talking about if you've had one...was only temporary, the agony of guilt I have felt ever since has not let up. It will not go away. I was in a situation where my "boyfriend" at the time who didn't feel we were official stopped talking to me after a great night. The kind of love that makes you tremble and cry because it was so great. He still took me to the prom but was very distant. After prom he just dropped me off and left with a kiss on the cheek? My sister had me go to a party where I met my future ex-husband. At the time he was great and about a month after we met I came up pregnant. At the time I felt very insecure and like a tramp because I couldn't place who I thought the father was. Like those girls you scold on Jerry Springer and Montel for having a baby and not finding the rightful father after putting 10 men through a paternity test! I know it wasn't that extreme but it still feels the same. After convincing my future ex-husband that it was his we decided to have an abortion. He helped me pay the $500 to do it. I was 2 months pregnant! You do the math! My gut is that it was my ex boyfriend who got me pregnant. The guilt I felt over the course of a year was horrible. By that time I was married in Vegas and took a trip down to where I knew my ex boyfriend worked. It just happened to be where I worked to and he had unexpectadly become my manager and been transferred into my store. Now was my chance to find out what happened and try and close a door. He asked me if I had gotten all the messages that he called and left for my family or if they had told me how many times he had dropped by and that he had been really busy at work. They hadn't. I told him that I had an abortion. He didn't get why I told him this until I told him that I thought it was his. That is the point he turned away from me while muttering quietly that he will never be happy and walked away. The next day he had already been transferred to another store and has never talked to me since. I left him a letter, but that is all I could do. The worst part is that I love him still...but how can it work if you don't feel loved back? Now the guilt grows because I am married again to great man and have a beautiful baby girl and still can't get him and the abortion out of my head. It is full of what if's. My baby would have had an older sibling, or my baby now wouldn't exist or be as great as she is, where would I have been, who would the father have positively been...with my high school love or my ex-husband, and why does my feelings change about it depending on who it is. Now I just deal with the consequences of my actions and you will never see me in another abortion clinic no matter what. The psychological pain of the decision has caused problems with me in what would otherwise be a fairytale marriage. I even dreamed last night that both my ex-boyfriend and ex-husband were at a Halloween party that my husband and I were at and my ex-boyfriend spotted me and made sure I saw and slipped away from the party because he couldn't bare to look at me and my ex-husband almost got a fist full from my husband because he touched the tips of my fingers to let me know that he was there and walked away. How do you tell your husband how you feel without making him feel unwanted and unworthy? How do you live with the guilt of loving someone that would never love you back, and also love the man you married more than it is worth to answer the what ifs with a man who may as well me my dream guy who might actually love me back? If only my family told me he was trying to get in touch. Didn't a movie just come out about this? I better check it out. |
|
|
Back to top
|
|
Did you find this post useful?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
Guest
Guest
Report abuse
|
| Posted: 05/10/08 - 21:26 Post subject: |
|
|
My boyfriend left me and my mother said she wouldn't pay for my college and she would kick me out if i didn't have an abortion.
So, as a foolish 18 yr old i did what she wanted.
I am now in a stable relationship and we have been trying to have a child for over a year and have resulted in nothing but heartache.
1 miscarriage and a blighted ovaum.
It was a foolish mistake and I completely regret it.
People say to live without regret, well sometimes its impossible. |
|
|
Back to top
|
|
Did you find this post useful?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
