Abortion, Marriage, Children, postpartum depression, Pregnancy & Abortion

swanny1979 · Newbie Joined: 09 May 2008 Posts: 2

Hi there I am new to these forums, I am 29 years old and had a medical abortion 1 week ago. I was fine with the decsion I thought at first but when I was passing the tissue I actually passed the fetus and saw the baby I could of had. This was the most devistaing thing i have ever seen and felt in my life. At that moment I felt a peice of my heart die, I took this little inncoent being and put him ( it was a boy) in a beautiful hand crafted wooden ring box and burried him at my husbands father grave. I asked god for forgivness and asked my husbands father to lookover his little soul.

I am devistated and I been having the most diffficult time dealing with this. this is my second abortion when I was 17 my now husband and I were too young to raise a child and decided to have a surgical abortion. I was too devistaed after that one but I was okay soon after knowing that I had in deed made the right decison because I was not even out of high school and I was on the birth control pill at that time.

My husband and I have two wonderful children and I thank gos everyday for them. After having my son I suffered from post partum depression I did not realize that this is what was happening to me for months once my son was around 3 or so months I seemed to be better and I went on with life. My husband started a new job which brought him out of town for months at a time and dealing with two children on my own and suffering with deopression was difficult until once day I seemed to snap and decided to talk to the doctor I was put on antidepressnats.

things were good and my husbands job brough him home where he did not have to leave at all anymore. He wanted another child I was back and forth on the subjet and was feeling scared be cause of the postpartum depression and I never wanted to feel that way again. My husband pushed and pushed and I was trying to be a good wife and did not tell him exsactly what I was feeling big mistake. Any how I did get preganant and I was not happy at all I felt I did not want the baby I did not even want to tell my children I made sure that I took care of myself and I even started prenatal vitimins.

I had an ultra sound and seen the little heart beat, i still did not feel anything I reduced my dose of antidepressnats as I did not know at the time it was infact okay to take while you were pregnant so this effected me very much as I was feeling trapped and I was worried that I could not cope with an another child that I had to be a good mother to ones I have. Well I decided to have the abortion and I was 8 weeks I was still okay with everything I diid the procedure with the medical abortion. After going in to the follow up my leveles did not come down enough and I had to repeat the procedure and this is when I saw the little angle. And now I feel like I have made the biggest mistake of my intire life. My husband thinks I has a miscarriage as I could not tell him I did not want to hurt him and I know he would not have let me go through with it.

Well now I know I want another child, and I know I can be a good mother to three children, I feel like I owe it to my husband he is a great father and big help. I am going to wait a bit and make sure I am good and healthy and this is what I do indeed want. I was confused and I will have to life with this guilt for the rest of my life. I am not sure how to cope I am just going through the motions of daily life and longing for that little baby that was once inside me. I am hoping someone can relate to my story and can share with me as I have no one eles to talk to about this. This is my story please do not respond if you have negative things to say as I could not feel any worse than I do now.

Swanny

lora8 · Newbie Joined: 14 May 2008 Posts: 2

Hi there
I just went through the same thing as you, but mine story is a little bit different. I'm 20, I had a medical abortion 2 months a go and I never wanted to have the abortion but my boyfriend basically told me I had to or he would leave me. The pregnancy was unexpected because I was on birth control. So stupid me had the abortion, and I regret it so much, I have been trying to get pregnant again for a month now, I haven't gotten my period this month and I took two pregnancy tests and they were both negative, so I'm thinking my period is just really late about three weeks late. My boyfriend thinks I'm on birth control, but I'm not. Is this right? I'm going to leave him once I'm pregnant, and not tell him I am. I know is not just his fault it was mine too for going through with it.

I know exactly how u feel, I didn't see my baby but I did she a really big blood clog that came out of me I knew he/she was in there but I couldn't deal with it if I saw my baby. I give u props for dealing with that. I have so much guilt, you wouldn't even believe and I have remorse towards my boyfriend that I just want to leave him.
I also have asked God for forgiveness, but I truly don't deserve it.

Abortion, Marriage, Children, postpartum depression, Pregnancy & Abortion

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