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 Posted: 07/17/08 - 08:48 Post subject: Abortion keep it a secert from husband |
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| I just got married 3 months ago and just bought a house. We haven't even gone on our honeymoon ( its next week) and I found out I was 3 weeks pregnant. I decided to terminate it but did not tell my husband. I know he would want to keep it but I am not ready. I told him that I had my period and a bad UTI to explain the no sex and pain I was going through. Part of me knows I am being selfish but money wise and timing I know it is not right. I feel that I do have the choice and know I have to be more careful with birth control. I was wondering if anyone had the same experience. Thanks. |
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salebron
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| Posted: 07/17/08 - 18:12 Post subject: Keeping abortion a secret from husband |
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| Wow. Think about your vows and how you became "one". Your body is not your own anymore. The decision to end a life you both created is not yours to make alone. Think about how keeping this secret violates the trust you promised. Think about how, or if your marriage will survive if, & when the truth is revealed. There are more ways than one for the truth to come out... You may or may not be able to concieve again in the future, you may have compromised your cervix & not be able to carry a baby to term, a medical Dr can tell, in some cases, if you have had an elected abortion, not to mention that when you fill out medical paperwork throughout the rest of your life & have to answer the question, "How many pregnancies have you had?", you will continue to lie on every form & be reminded of your secret all over again. Then of course, there is the fact that you are lying to the one person you should trust the most with your whole being. If you can't trust him (he obviously can not trust you) then you both need counseling now before you embark on a lifetime together, much less a honeymoon. I got pregnant on my honeymoon. Trust me, it was not the best time to get pregnant either for many of the same reasons you mentioned, but I would not change a thing & our son is my joy. Think about it. |
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bbfeet9
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| Posted: 07/17/08 - 19:44 Post subject: |
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Her body IS her own. And it is her decision to do with it what she wants. Now, the sneaky part, not so good.
Right away you are getting off to a bad start. If it was that easy to lie about something that gigantic, is it going to be just as easy to lie about everything else?
You really have to be careful here.
Abortions are not bad. Abortions are not good. It depends on the situation. Your situation and reason was not really bad enough to do what you did without talking to your husband first.
So what if he would have been happy and wanted this child. It's his right to, isn't it?
I would say what you did (not telling hubby) was a bad choice. I just hope it doesn't become to easy for you to be un truthful.
This is your cross. I do think it will get to heavy for you to carry on your own, and eventually your husband will find out.
Honestly, you really sound like a nice person and i know newlyweds need a lot of time together before they bring on a child but, why were you not taking some kind of birth control? That is usually taken care of before you actually get married. You had to have known that the pregnancy possibility was there. Keeping your fingers crossed is not birth control. |
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fattycat
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| Posted: 07/22/08 - 14:21 Post subject: Re: Keeping abortion a secret from husband |
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| salebron wrote: | | Wow. Think about your vows and how you became "one". Your body is not your own anymore. The decision to end a life you both created is not yours to make alone. Think about how keeping this secret violates the trust you promised. Think about how, or if your marriage will survive if, & when the truth is revealed. There are more ways than one for the truth to come out... You may or may not be able to concieve again in the future, you may have compromised your cervix & not be able to carry a baby to term, a medical Dr can tell, in some cases, if you have had an elected abortion, not to mention that when you fill out medical paperwork throughout the rest of your life & have to answer the question, "How many pregnancies have you had?", you will continue to lie on every form & be reminded of your secret all over again. Then of course, there is the fact that you are lying to the one person you should trust the most with your whole being. If you can't trust him (he obviously can not trust you) then you both need counseling now before you embark on a lifetime together, much less a honeymoon. I got pregnant on my honeymoon. Trust me, it was not the best time to get pregnant either for many of the same reasons you mentioned, but I would not change a thing & our son is my joy. Think about it. |
Well said!! I know we can do irrational things in times of extreme stress, but this was not your choice to make on your own! Even though you may view your body as your 'own' (I disagree), that baby was also your husband's. But what is done is done and there's no point in chastising now. Just do the right thing and discuss it with your husband and hopefully he'll be able to forgive you. Although, I would be more worried about seeking a higher forgiveness if I were you.
BTW, I'm kind of tired of hearing the same old mantra "our bodies are ours to do with as we please!". Anyone who thinks their body is their 'own' is someone with a humanistic worldview based on moral relativism. If it makes you feel better to believe that right and wrong is relative, so be it for you. But, in reality, right and wrong are ABSOLUTE. Of course, there's only one place you can go to understand the guidelines for absolute right and wrong. Try it out. You may still disagree, but that's the power of conviction. Philosophical tirade over..... |
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