After Abortion, alot of emotional pain, want baby back!

txmuddinmama · Newbie Joined: 07 Feb 2007 Posts: 1

I am 24 years old, have two healthy kids... My fiance and I got preg. and he was very confused. We fought alot due to that, and neither of us wanted to bring a baby into the world with all of the fighting with us, he told me to abort. So, I did. Yes, i know it was ultimately my decision. I didn't want to be a single mother of 3 children. He and I are back together and have been great for months. I am still soooooo upset that i did abort. I almost just want to get preg. so that I can undo what i did.. I know that it won't undo it... b ut i have such guilt! Sometimes i just cry... I went and got the shot because i found myself trying to get preg. and not really telling him... He would be happy if we did, but I don't think it is the time... i guess that i don't really have a question, just needed to vent a little! thanks...

Anjsobah · Newbie Joined: 08 Feb 2007 Posts: 8

You aren't alone, we did the same thing. I'm 30 engaged, have no children...got pregnant. We didn't know if he could stay in the country, we had HUGE cultural differences, he had culture shock here, I had culture shock in his country....the stress of everything got us fighting. I was afraid to have a child and have no support (his country would never enforce a child support payment here). Finally I left him and terminated the pregnancy. It was the hardest thing ever...

Anyhow, we overcame our differences (he's staying)...I am still missing that child. However, this has brought us closer together, he supported any decision I made...and is now greatly comforting to me. It was definitely not the right time...and still isn't, but still....I have a lot of trouble thinking of the baby we might have had. I know he'd love to try again right now...but I just started secretly taking BCP's. I want to be married, stable, and settled before bringing a baby into this world.

Anyhow, the shot CAN make you depressed and can increase the hormone fluctuation the abortion caused. Maybe taking an antidepressant would help you balance and come to terms with it all. It is definitely helping me.

ddarling · Newbie Joined: 09 Feb 2007 Posts: 2

Yeah, you're definitely not alone. I'm 19, and I recently had to abort a child I couldn't afford or take care of.. and it's been months since the incident. I still cry when I see babies. I honestly caught myself trying to get pregnant again, too.

I don't know what I was thinking really, but I think those maternal instincts sometimes override our logic. Anyway, I know how you feel.. and it's a hard subject to discuss with anyone openly because the subject is SO controversial.

But keep your head up, time is really healing. I just had to make myself deal with the fact I did it.. be my own motivational speaker, and now instead of directing that energy to being sad-- get on your feet, and make it possible for you to be able to have a baby in the future. Smile

I hope you feel better!

Guest · Guest

I just had an abortion yesterday. I was at 10 weeks. I originally thought my husband and I would keep the baby. The longer I was pregnant though the more stressed and sad I would get. We decided to end the pregnancy so I could go to school and not have the weight of motherhood on my shoulders.

I have never regretted anything so much in my life. After the procedure was over I immediately felt remorseful and upset. Now I would give up school and the whole world to have my baby back. I panicked and let my baby go before I even realized what I had. I want to get pregnant again as soon as possible to make it all right in my head. I want a second chance to not take forgranted. I can't stop crying and thinking of what could have been. I didnt appreciate what I had til it was gone. I hope I get pregnant so badly.

PsyChris · Posted: 02/24/08 - 11:03 Post subject:

It seems like you are loading the entire thing onto your plate. It was not your decision entirely. Your partner's feelings played a significant role in influencing your decision.

The decision to conceive should be something that you both mutually agree on. Trying to conceive out of guilt will only further complicate the situation.

I think you should take this time to focus on the two healthy children you do have and avoid reflecting on past decisions. You should not hold guilt over a decision that was necessary at the time. We often look back on the decisions we make and have a sudden realization. That realization should be used in a positive light to influence future decisions.

The choice to conceive is as you already know a big commitment. If your partner wants a child you should consider his needs, but also consider your emotional and physical needs. Not to mention the financial strain it tends to put on the family.

If you find yourself unable to function or just seem stuck on this you may want to consult your doctor and see about getting a refferal for some psychotherapy. Most good insurance carriers will cover the first few sessions with no questions asked and then work with the provider to continue treatment if necessary.

Guest · Guest

am regretted with what ever i did...it has been 2 years
the father said we can have the baby next time..all the promises turns into lies.. he left me without feeling guilty..like nothing happend..left me with all the burden..
except crying i really dono what to do i wish i can undo everything..at least my baby will be with me..
today is morther's day..am not deserve for it

my birthday=my abortion day, forever i will remember what i have done

i ask God to shorten my life after i die i will search for them

Guest · Guest

I feel for you hun. I am 19 years old & i had an abortion over a month ago. i was 11 weeks along, planning on keeping it, but the financial stress was too much, i couldn't even afford an obstetrician, so i got an abortion. at the time i was okay with it but now i wish i could take it all back. i want my baby back. i'm convinced it was a baby girl. i cry myself to sleep every night, & every time i see a baby on tv or at the store i tear up or break down (if i'm at home watching tv). i couldn't go to my boyfriend's friend's house the other day because him & his girlfriend just had a baby girl a couple months ago & seeing the baby would have devastated me. i've thought about getting pregnant again but i don't want the financial stress of being a broke college student w/ a boyfriend who may be out of a job in a couple months (it's a temp thing, he got the job after the abortion, while i was pregnant he was unemployed, so we had $0 coming in). my boyfriend wanted the baby more than anything, he's permanently scarred now, i made the decision to abort without him. i know i'm young & can't financially support a child right now, but i just want my baby girl back Sad

After Abortion, alot of emotional pain, want baby back!

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