After Vasectomy wife lost all interest in sex

TR · Newbie Joined: 18 Dec 2006 Posts: 1

I am 40 she's 33. Before my surgery we had relations 2 to 4 times a week. Since my Vasectomy its maybe once a month. My wife states she is just not interested in sex anymore.

First thing why did I go through this pain and become sterilizied? Her idea

second Am I not a man to her anymore?

Did my agreeing to be cut cause her to feel/think I am not a man

I just don't understand and am getting sick and tired of being ignored
Does anyone have ANY idea. I am open to anything at this point

Guest · Guest

my guess is that she knows she cannot get pregnant anymore. she doesnt think you are less of the man, but she knows having another child is not a possibility. talk with her about it.

Guest · Guest

I had the same worries going into the surgery. I'm only five days post-op, but I'm really regretting the surgery due to some unexpected side effects (unusual hard swelling above scrotal area, droopy scrotum, testicle re-alignment, yes I'm almost laughing too.). I am also regretting the procedure because my once dear wife does not seem to be very appreciative of my sacrifice. I swear that she practically scoffs at the notion that it was a sacrifice on my part. I resisted doing the surgery over the last few years (I actually walked out of the office all drugged up the last time I attempted to get the procedure done), but I finally folded (I hate admitting that I folded) because I wanted to do the right thing and make things easier for her. Now, I'm feeling pretty bitter that she couldn't just take the damn pill. She acts as though it was my f*cking idea. As I said, I worried that she might view me as less of a man once I got the procedure done because I could no longer get her pregnant. I don't know that this is the case, since I just got it done, but the idea still bugs me a great deal. If I found that to be the case, I really think that would trigger divorce proceedings.

asengledow · Newbie Joined: 29 Jan 2008 Posts: 1

I know this might sound kind of weird because I am asking a question about a vasectomy and I am a woman, but how long does it take before a man can have sex after the procedure. My husband just had one done 4 days ago. I am not going to approach him until he says he is feeling OK but I would kind of like to know when that might be. And even if he says he is feeling OK, I am still kind of afraid that I will hurt him. I have to hand it to you guys, I don't know how you go so long after we have babies. I wasnt able to have sex again until 3 weeks after I gave birth to our second child, thats a long time!!! Sorry for all the hell women can put you through.

Guest · Guest

When he is ready he will tell you. You won’t hurt him really unless he has swelling or some other issue or just wait until the sutures fall out at around 2 to 3 weeks but I would avoid you being on top until he says ok.

Use protection until he gets his sperm count done in 4 to 6 weeks. When I had mine done I had a dull ache for a while when I had sex but that went way after a bit.

As for the first question I am not sure what to tell you. You should look into counseling or something if you feel ignored and it is becoming a problem between your wife and you.

Guest · Guest

My wife wants me to have it done but no way. I am 41, she is 36. We have 3 kids. She doesn't want any more. I would like one more.

The children are miracles because from the day we got married (literally), she lost interest in sex. The first time she said no to me was on our wedding night. The honeymoon was just a holiday with a friend, not my new wife.

I guess that she's so keen for me to be cut because one of these years we may have sex again and then I reckon she thinks that she could fall pregnant. But for me, as we can (and have) gone years between sexual encounters it's not unrealistic to think that she could be in menopause before we next do it again.

Reading these posts has been immensely helpful to me because I was spun a story by her about how she knows several men who did it and it was nothing. I didn't even think about the possibility of it making our non-existent sex life even worse. So it's been very helpful and thank you everyone.

And to the woman who posted here saying that 3 weeks after childbirth is a long time, I respect and admire you (and suspect that you are actually a man). If you are indeed who you say you are, then he's one lucky man. After my second child was born I had a wait of over 2 years before I had sex with her again. So nearly 3 years in total as the night that conceived my child was a once-off as well that year.

ladyinred · Newbie Joined: 02 May 2008 Posts: 1

Sorry to hear of wives not being appreciative of the vas their hubbies get. I believe the only reason sex is not more often as it is for my hubby and me is the fear of pregnancy. I would love to have sex more often but our children are 17, 18, 23 and 24 and we don't want any more. I have been looking into a procedure called an ablation for me (removal of the uterine lining-for health reasons) which will reduce chances of preg but there is still a chance of them and could be more dangerous for me. I am doing research on vasectomies to see if this as well as the ablation will make our sex life easier and relaxing.

One more thing...is there a chance that a vasectomy will reduce sex drive in men? If so, it AIN'T happenin'!! LOL

Guest · Guest

Ladyinred -

Seriously consider the ablation. I had it done (and a tubal ligation at the same time). I had both procedures and was out of the hospital by 1pm the same day. I had it done 3 years ago and haven't had a period since (which means no planning around it for vacations, sex, etc...huge bonus!). Still get PMSy though (and it's more difficult to pinpoint as it's not followed by the period...just a reminder that I'm being a complete b*tch for "no reason").

As for you guys out there, I know just as many women who actually increased the frequency of sex with their hubbies/boyfriends because of no worries over pregnancy. For those of you who have had little sex since the procedure (or even since your wedding night!...UGH! you poor thing! I give you credit for not going elsewhere to get some action.), I think the only one who can tell you why is her and even she may not know. I would suggest some counseling (either together or for her individually) if she/you would be up for it.

Good luck to all!

After Vasectomy wife lost all interest in sex

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