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i.jenna
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Joined: 17 Jul 2007
Posts: 7
Location: NYC
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 Posted: 07/17/07 - 19:47 Post subject: BOYFRIEND CAN'T GET HARD |
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| I just started having sex with my boyfriend and for some reason he can't get hard. I try not to say anything about it because I don't want to embaress him, but frankly, I'm the one who's embarressed. I ask him what's wrong and he says nothing. He comes up with weird reasons like "I think you worked me out", or "You're like my kryptonite". What's with him? Is he nervous? Scared? |
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KevDS
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Joined: 06 Aug 2007
Posts: 78
Location: British Columbia
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| Posted: 08/07/07 - 21:07 Post subject: |
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All it takes is to be nervous once. The fear and anticipation of it happening again MAKES it happen again. This sort of thing can ruin a relationship. Guy feels terrible about it, but doesnt know whats going on and feels he has to make excuses. Girl thinks its her fault etc etc.
This is most likely a mental barrier. The good new is that there are some things you can do to fix it.
In order for most men to maintain an erection, they must feel confident, and comfortable with whats going on. If you dress up in some nice outfit to turn him on, it may have the opposite effect because he becomes even more worried about disappointing you. When he's worried, his mind is not on the right task, his sympathetic nervous system goes into effect and the erection is gone.
Let him take the lead for a bit. When hes in the mood, he'll let you know one way or another and get to it. After a few successful times, his confidence will return and things can get back on track. Try not to take it as an insult even though it may feel that way. If he didn't care, didn't like you, or didnt find you attractive, he wouldn't be acting strange and making excuses. He does that because he cares what you think. It may take some time and effort , but most things worth doing require it. |
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Upton O'Goode
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Joined: 30 Jul 2007
Posts: 174
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| Posted: 08/15/07 - 22:18 Post subject: |
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He's obviously picking up on your anxiety. You both need to relax. Don't try to force anything to happen. Get naked, relax, play with each other, get crazy. Why does everybody act like everything has to proceed according to some cosmic schedule???
Here's an idea: put on a strip show for him. Tease him. Let him take off his clothes when he's ready, and if he's standing at attention, you'd better greet him like a long-lost friend.  |
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Guest77
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Joined: 05 Oct 2007
Posts: 6
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| Posted: 10/05/07 - 16:23 Post subject: |
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I can see you're worried. His answers sound like he's trying to put it over into YOU - which can make you feel bad too.
Tell him you wanna try some things - even this can make him feel weird (he wants to be "normal", just like everyone would!). But you can ask him what feels best - him on top, you on top, oral, hand work, you still mostly dressed (try this one!) him still mostly dressed.
You can also tell him to think about reverse psychology and play that you don't want it so much. Make it a game - tell him "See if you can talk ME into it..." and see if that puts him into a feeling of power and control - his body may respond.
(It would be good to know if he DOES get erections other times - fantasy or masturbation? Or even with you, but just not "at the moment"?) |
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