Depressed boyfriend, Getting frustrated with trying to help.

Augustdnc · Newbie Joined: 04 Aug 2006 Posts: 6

I've been with my boyfriend for four months, and in the first few weeks of dating he told me that he was on medication for depression, and that he has been on it for a couple of months before meeting me. He told me he became depressed because he moved from Texas to Arizona and plans he had didn't fall through and he hates being here, and is working on moving back but knows it's going to take awhile. During the the first two months we were in that honeymoon stage but the last two months have been getting difficult. Sometimes he gets completely moody over little things, like bad service at a resturant or the fact my apartment is like a ten minute drive from his place. And at times he gets so angry that he says he hates himself, his life, and wants everything to end. And I've been supportive telling him that doesn't work for him or for me or for his family, cause we all want him here and that whatever is causing him to be upset will pass and concentrate on the things that he has going for him and that make him happy. Saying that helps calm him down, but it doesn't seem to be enough, and at times he'll be distant then two days later he will be right as rain and we'll be back in honeymoon stage. And sometimes he'll do things that put him in a bad mood, like spending too much money, he'll get really angry with himself and at time I just want to yell at him, that you made the choice to buy that extra drink or whatever..

I've read up a little on how to help people with depression, that you blame the moodiness or the anger on the depression itself rather then the person, but I'm wondering how to go about that in a way that isn't making it obvious that I'm, I guess, pointing out that his depression is a constant thing that pops into my head. I feel like if I flat out mention the depression it might make him even more upset that I'm dwelling on it or something. I'm also wondering if anyone has been in the situation with a boyfriend or girlfriend, and how it went for them aslo if anyone has any advice on what to say or do when he gets upset again?

azthenia · Posted: 08/09/06 - 17:47 Post subject:

Sounds like he may be bi-polar, but all you can really do is be there for him and relax. Good luck! I hope things will turn up for you. He can also be referred to a doctor or there is several sites you can look up bi polar to see what to do.

Lori · Veteran Joined: 23 Jul 2005 Posts: 510

My friend used to suffer from depression and she told me that whenever she felt down, it often helped when her parents and her brother sat beside her and started talking about some happy events in the past and saying how everything would be ok.

She was in this phase for a few months, she as taking the drugs as well, as was like an addict-she just had to take her drugs not to feel moody again. These feelings are really hard, you can’t control them, as if they are stronger than you, they take you and you can’t resist.

However, my friend just tossed the drugs one day and decide she doesn’t want to feel like that every day, that she doesn’t want to depend on the drugs, that she doesn’t want to feel down all the time and just got over it. However, not all people can do that. For some people, drugs even don’t help.

She never got angry, she just went down in the dumps.

Maybe you should take the approach my friend though about….talk to him if he wanted to feel like this his whole life, that he himself should put some effort into making things betters by thinking about them and realizing they are irrational. This helps me for example when I am down although I don’t suffer from depression.

You should tell him or maybe even work with him to think about what made him so angry, why he acted angry…angry people are usually those who are not satisfied with something. Ask him what bother him but avoid talking about good past times that didn’t involve him-I am not sure that would be helpful.

Anyway, don’t avoid the subject of his depression and patronize him. Talk to him openly, if he is not interested, then ask him if he wanted you went home that day and stuff like that. Try to communicate, if he doesn’t want to….I don’t know…it is depression. It is hard….you have to make up your mind if it’s worth it or not.

That is just my opinion, I may be wrong but you may as well do some more reading about the right approach.

P.S. I also agree that he may be bi-polar.

Depressed boyfriend, Getting frustrated with trying to help.

LIFEFORM SOCIAL COMMUNITY NETWORK