Discomfort during sex

Aimz · Newbie Joined: 06 Feb 2008 Posts: 9 Location: Australia

I had vaginal sex for the first time recently with a friend of mine. We had done everything else except this type of sex. I was a virgin before we had sex yet I did not feel any pain whatsoever. I also did not bleed and he was very rough. He had the entire length of his penis inside of me and I still felt no pain. I am unsure if my hymen broke. We had sex 2 days later and still there was no pain or bleeding. I also felt no "pleausre" which confused me as I thought only the first time was supposed to be uncomfortable and then you would start enjoying sex. Can anyone tell me why it did not hurt the first time and why it was not "pleasurable" the second time? Will it get better?

PsyChris · Posted: 02/06/08 - 08:10 Post subject:

Did you get pleasure from the other forms of sex you have had?

Were you anxious about never having had vaginal sex -- think back, did you have a similar experience with the other types of sex.

Aimz · Newbie Joined: 06 Feb 2008 Posts: 9 Location: Australia

Oral sex was pleasing. The anal sex was painless but it did arouse me greatly. I had absolutely no hesitations to do any of these things even when we first tried anal sex. I had no fear and was the one who pushed for it to happen. He tried to finger my vagina but I literally fought him to stop trying that. Everytime he tries to enter my vagina it is uncomfortable and he says that it feels like I am pushing him out. The only way he can get in is if he rubs the tip of his penis against my clit to arouse me and then somehow i open up easily for him and he is able to penetrate me. The penetration gives me no pleasure or pain and I actually prefer him rubbing up against me instead as this can cause me to orgasm. I am nervous with him all the time because he expects so much from me. He doesnt believe he was my first and thinks I have been around the block a lot. this puts pressure on me to perform to his expectations so I fake it each time. We tried again last night and still nothing. I'm beginning to think it is a mental issue because of the guilt I feel when we have sex. I have no issues or hangups with the other sexual acts we do but when it comes to vaginal penetration I just tighten up immediately even though I really want to do it.

ELR · Newbie Joined: 07 Feb 2008 Posts: 18

Aimz · Newbie Joined: 06 Feb 2008 Posts: 9 Location: Australia

I realise a lot of women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm as penetration alone isn't enough but I'm fairly sure that at least those women feel pleasure without clitoral stimulation. It may not be enough to orgasm but I bet it still feels good. I don't even feel that much. I get as much pleasure from penetration as my mouth does from fellatio. Nothing. As for trying different positions, well I swear I have been bent & twisted every which way there is and still nothing. Toys? I'm ashamed to admit that I really do not "know" my body very well and therefore masturbation has never been an option for me. I didn't even have the first clue as to where the entry was in the first place. Ridiculous I know but I have never "explored" the area before as the idea of having anything that wasn't a penis inside of me, really gross's me out and I cannot bring myself to try it. I haven't even used tampons before just because I couldnt fathom the idea of sticking them inside me.

I guess theres really nothing I can do unless I get over my hang ups which I'm starting to think is causing the problem. I honestly think that it is because the friend I am experimenting with is also my brother's best friend and we are having this "secret" relationship right now. If anyone, especially my brother ever found out what we were doing, well let's just say it would not be good for my health. Does anyone think that if I maybe tried with someone I'm "allowed" to be with it would be better and I would actually feel pleasure from sex?

PsyChris · Posted: 02/09/08 - 06:27 Post subject:

Well we have eliminated the possibility that you have some type of Medical condition preventing you from feeling stimulated in your Vagina. I'm not sure if you knew it or not but females do not have "pleasure" receptors in their rectum. The sexual arousal comes from the vagina during anal sex.

I hesitate to provided psychological diagnosis in a setting like this but I think you should explore the possibility you may have Vaginismus. The essential features of Vaginismus is the recurrent or persistent involuntary contraction of the perineal muscles surrounding the outer third of the vagina when vaginal penetration with penis, finger, tampon or speculum is attempted.

Vaginusmus is a fairly rare condition. Orgasm is possible when the clitoris is stimulated. I think you should talk to your OB/GYN about this and hopefully they can refer you to a sexual psychologist. The rates of success with this therapy are very high.

It's important to note that Vaginismus has it's roots in anxiety.

I hope this helps.

Aimz · Newbie Joined: 06 Feb 2008 Posts: 9 Location: Australia

Great, so I'm a mental case. Its so unfair that every girl I know is out there enjoying sex and I just have to pretend I like it. Thanks for your help PsyChris. I will go see a gyno about it and hopefully this works out for me as I can't imagine living a sexless life.

Discomfort during sex

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