Do You Regret Not Having Children

clair · Silver Member Joined: 26 Jun 2001 Posts: 243

Hi, I am 27 , happily married and don’t want any children. People tell me I will regret it when I grow old. I’m asking people who don’t have children do they regret it.

lather · Newbie Joined: 06 May 2005 Posts: 18

Hi, many young people think like you. Unfortunately, some of them may regret it and it will be too late. Some people cure sterility and only manage in their 30s to have children or they don’t manage and regret it. Although, most parents say they couldn’t imagine how demanding, stressful and depleting parenthood would be. Many young people feel unprepaired for being parents. Every day duties concerning children some take as prison, as losing their independence. Reports suggest that people who didn’t want children don’t regret it when they get old. They simply had other priorities.

Carifairy · Veteran Joined: 16 Apr 2006 Posts: 2727

I am 24, happily married and never want babies..
There are women who just do not want babies!

I have had 3 abortions, so I believe that shows I am pretty serious.. My husband also NEVER wants babies, and I would not date anyone who did.(back when I was dating)

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cf_hardcore

A SUPPORT group and friendship group of women who never want babies.

Guest · Guest

In reply to "not having children", here is my personal view. Understand, it's only my view.

I will turn 60 this year. I'm truly looking forward to it. The age thing has never bothered me in the least. I was attractive in my youth and believe I still hold on to the majority of that attractiveness. I'm married and have been married for what seems 'all my life'. When I met my husband, we were so much in love with each other and life, we didn't consider children. We never concerned ourselves with the thought of children. We were too much in love for thoughts of that nature to crowd our time. We found out later neither of us could have children. It didn't bother us at the time. When I turned 40, the opportunity presented itself to us to adopt a newborn. We discussed the life altering move and decided it would be an opportunity to have a real family. The anticipation of a child in our home didn't change anything, rather, added to our already wonderful lives.
Consequently, the baby was born premature and didn't live which devasted us.
Now, at 60 years of age and childless, as we approach our Golden Years, I have to admit, I find myself wishing we had raised a family of our own. I have my wonderful husband of course and not having a child has granted me the opportunity to share my life with him. Hopefully, we will continue to do that in our upcoming retirement.
I only have my husband's family left and their children. Everyone else has grown old and passed on.
Not having children of my own means if something happens to my husband, I will be totally alone. I did not say lonely. I said alone. Not having children means I will have to face issues of growing older, alone. There will be no one there to help me or comfort me. There will no one there to pass the time with or to buy presents for or to cook Thanksgiving dinner for.
True enough, I could spend time with friends and other family members but it's just not the same as having children.
I'm one of those women who wanted children but couldn't have them. I will always miss the little baby who didn't live. I will always miss the opportunity to raise and nurture my own child. I will miss the opportunities children present to parents at all ages. And I will miss them when they aren't there to love when I am left in this world by myself.
I'm healthy and I'm not depressed. I am filled with joy and happiness in most cases. The topic remember, is not having children. In that area, I feel like I'm the one who has lost.

AvivaJaye · Newbie Joined: 16 Aug 2006 Posts: 5

Thank you for sharing your thoughts in such a heartfelt way. I can feel your emotion and sense of loss for the baby you lost so many years ago. Your post reminds me to always count my blessings which are many.
My husband and I have six beautiful children. I am grateful to have them in my life everyday. I also think of my golden years and am thankful that I will not be alone, or lonely.
All the best,
AJ

jhoannavalladares · Newbie Joined: 18 Aug 2006 Posts: 2

I read you opinion on having babies and i believe that part of being a women. It's a part of realizing yourself a s a women. I'm trying to have a baby but its turning into a nightmare. I have irregular periods and sometimes i think that i'm unable to have babies. Just to think that i might be unbale kills me.

malibusummer · Newbie Joined: 21 Aug 2006 Posts: 3

That was so beautiful "Guest"!
I do hope you and your husband still have many years of happiness together.

Im 20 and I cannot see children anywhere in the near future (at least up to 5yrs or so), but of course I dont have a husband yet. I do have a wonderful boyfriend who im hoping to one day marry Wink

but children are far on the horizon yet.
When I was young I always wanted alot of kids but as I grew older I realised you need to have the financials to back you up and of course the patience Wink

Before I met my current bf I thought of how I dont need kids or want kids and I just want to enjoy my own life with out having to support a whole other person. I want to travel, work hard and party hard forever... Of course, that was the selfish side in me coming out which I believe every woman is allowed to have and stand by.
Having children is ALOT of work. Its alot of money. Takes alot of mental strength, takes alot of time and alot of patience. I know my mum never really wanted kids, she was never a "mum" type of person. She'd be a great friend but lacked a little in her motherly ways... I believe she lacked passion which is what all mothers should have for their children.
I guess its a personal choice. Our lifestyles today are preventing women from having children as opportunitys with jobs and careers are often looked upon more valuably. Or like myself - the urge to party and travel as much as I can before im too old to enjoy it.
In some ways I still dont want children but lately ive been thinking I should have at least one... probably when im 30 or so... because like "Guest" said, id hate to age and eventually be alone.
And as my dad once said, what else is there really to this life? We were born to produce our own children and so on and so forth.

Guest · Guest

Hello

In answer to this lady's post, I am a woman who does not regret having a baby. I'm 45 and I've got a great career and am still looking for a man. My relationships in the past have not worked out. I'm not gay. I find men infuriating but ultimately very desirable.

Someone said on another post that women that don't want children may not have the Mest gene. I think I'm one of them.

I value my freedom too much, even at the age of 45, to ever want to give it up. Happy to leave it to those who do want children to have them if they can.

Alicethecat

Guest · Guest

I am 26 years old. My husband and I have been together for almost 6 years and we've been married almost 3 of those years. Over the past 6 years I have come to realize that I am not interested in having children as my husband and I are loving our lives together. Both my husband and I came from large families (5 kids each) and we know the hassels and financial responsibilities that are necessary to a family. However, my husband is slightly keen on having kids and seems to be expecting it "one day". Well, one day is going to come up and I just am not ready nor wanting kids. I just do not want the responsibility in any way. I understand that in my "golden years" I may wish that I had children, but I still have no desire. My concern is that one day my husband will start wanting kids and I really don't know what to say to him. It's not that I don't want to have children with him, I just don't want them. Any comments or advice on this subject will be much appreciated.

Guest · Guest

After talking to some intellectual people, I found out that if you are Okay with these points you can go for children…
1. You have enough financial backup to raise and support them
2. You have strong moral and motivation to raise them properly so that they are not spoilt and become traumatized drug addicts in future.
3. You can take the risk of giving birth to a physically/mentally disabled child (which I have seen can tear the entire family apart)
4. You have enough time to spend on them. (Can be a problem if you have interest in doing every thing in the world or your career keeps you on your toes all the time )
5. If you think you can survive the child birth process (for weak ladies can be tough )
6. If you think you can split the time wisely you give to your husband and newborns so that none feels deprived.
7. If you think your sexual life will be as vigorous as before…

Do You Regret Not Having Children

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