How to deal with an alcoholic boyfriend

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I think my boyfriend is becoming an alcoholic. We just bought a house together and I have been finding empty bottles in dufflebags. He quit his job and has not worked for almost 2 months. He doesn't get drunk everyday but he does sit home all day and drink. He sometimes gets up in the middle of the night to have a few as well. I have asked him to stop and he says that he will do whatever it takes but then he doesn't. I don't know what to do... Please help

Perfect-angel · Newbie Joined: 02 Apr 2008 Posts: 24

I had this problem too hun. I didnt know my ex was alcoholic until i had been with him for about a year. He hid it very well and still held down a job. I eventually found outy he had been alcohol dependant for over 10 years. I stayed with my partner for 7 years - on and off - and even had a child to him 5 years ago. He would aways say he would stop drinking and that h didnt have a problem, even though when he was drunk he was physically and verbally abusive. I used to find empty vodka bottles hidden under the towels in the bathroom cupboard and under the mattress in the bedroom. He would come home late from work cus he'd been to pub on way back and has recently admitted to me that even on the days where he swore to me he hadnt had a drink that he would neck a quarter bottle of vodka on his way home from work. He was always finding a way to cause stupid petty arguments so that he would have an excuse to go ut and get a drink and then would make me feel guilty saying i pushed him into it. It got to the point where i never ever drunk so that tehre was always someone responsible around to look after him. He was always having "accidents" falling through glass doors and windows etc and falling outside and hitting his head on concrete, i cant count the amount of times i had to take him to hospital!! When our son was 2 years old i threw him out after he had been particularly violent to me. He moved into a flat further along my road. I banned him from seeing our son and i moved house so he didnt know where i lived. I stayed in touch with him on and off by phone and still occaisionally went down to his flat. This New Year on the 28th December 2007 he admitted himself into hospital and did a 2 week detox. I found out off his older kids that he was doing this and went to the hospital to see him. It was really hard on me emotionally to see him that fragile and weak and so desperate for my company and support. But i had always said that no matter what happened between us i would support him thru a detox if he ever bothered. I was so happy for him when he came out of hospital and i also had to deal with a strange mixture of sadness and happiness within me. Sadness for what we could have had if he had done it all those years ago. Happiness that i had finally been given the chance to see what he was like sober. I began to wonder if we could finally have a real relationship and i spoke to him about this and the fact that he wished to have access to our son. I said i wanted to take thinghs extremely slowly and felt he needed time to adjust to the "new him". I said if he could stay sober for 1 year that i would grant him weekly access and that i would see if a relationship between us would work. I let him know where i was living but still refused to let him see his son unless he could prove himself. It has now just got to 3 months since he went into detox and he has already had 2 occaisions where he has had a drink. Once to "see if i can just have one and stop" in his words, the other was after and argument with his mum and he managed to stop after a couple of cans of strong brew. He has had a few conversations though where he has mentioned that he is planning to drink while he is on holiday in August and that he believes he can handle this. I totally disagree and after yet another episode where we had disagreed over this i have now cut off all contact and am yet again in the process of moving hosue so that he will not know where i live. I have told him i prefer for our son to grow up without a father than to be constantly let down by him and i am still in contact weekly with his older children (aged 14 and 12) who have told me that they have also cut off all contact with him again as they do not trust him either.

If you want to stick by this man it will be a very long road ahead and is likely to take years before he will admit he has a problem and see a GP and he will only get help once he honestly admits how much he is drinking.

For now take care of all the financial responsibilities. DO NOT trust him to pay any bills, trust me you do not want to be left in debt because you believed he had paid them.

Also seek advice from a solicitor as to what would happen re: your house if you decided to leave this man since i presume he is not contributing his fair share to the mortgage and bills if he is not working.

Good luck and if you want to chat post back.

How to deal with an alcoholic boyfriend

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