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mcglade
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Joined: 18 Jul 2005
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 Posted: 11/23/06 - 00:00 Post subject: I am single, expecting twins |
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Hi. I am 5 months pregnant, expecting twins. I am single. My boyfriend left me when I got pregnant. I don`t know what to do. How to deal with the twins when they come? My parents are dead and they can`t help me.
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suzy
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Joined: 21 Oct 2000
Posts: 280
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| Posted: 11/26/06 - 08:52 Post subject: |
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Hi. I have two kids and I am single too. It is very difficult to raise children when you are all alone, but you can handle it. I am sure you have many friends that can help you. You can always hire somebody. I had to hire a nanny and she is such a help. I work all day long and I can`t imagine living without her. My kids need me, but we all need money to survive. Nanny was the perfect solution for me.
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Wild Orchid
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Joined: 24 Feb 2007
Posts: 86
Location: NH
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| Posted: 02/25/07 - 21:39 Post subject: |
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| suzy wrote: |
Hi. I have two kids and I am single too. It is very difficult to raise children when you are all alone, but you can handle it. I am sure you have many friends that can help you. You can always hire somebody. I had to hire a nanny and she is such a help. I work all day long and I can`t imagine living without her. My kids need me, but we all need money to survive. Nanny was the perfect solution for me.
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Tsk tsk @ some ppl offering ignorant advice!
As tho it is so simple to just up and hire a nanny...? Im also a single mom and it is in no way realistic advice to tell someone going through that to oh... hire a nanny!
And to assume she has alot of help via 'friends'. If she had such a good support network she wouldnt be here, correct?
Really, shame on you.
What a single mom needs is plausible advice, the 'who to call, where to go, how to get such and such done... how to handle personal tragedy, etc' Because, yes, thats what it is to be left in that state, its tragic.... to undermine her quest for help and offer flippant advice is soooo wrong.
If this young women would like Real advice I hope she contacts me via e-mail, or at least back here, bc Im sure I can be alot more positive then some ppl on here seem to be. |
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ImmortalOne
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Joined: 05 Jan 2007
Posts: 437
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| Posted: 02/26/07 - 09:14 Post subject: |
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| While single parents have a difficult time with one child, two children is even more difficult. What works for one person does not always work for another. So the first responder had a solution that worked well for her, you shouldn't critize her for it. For me, as a single parent without a support network of family, I developed friends and I threw myself into the care of my children and their survival/happiness. I worked hard, but spent as much time as I could with my kids. The thing to remember is that single parents are Mom and Dad both, we don't get to disconcern our roles, we have to play them all. |
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Wild Orchid
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Joined: 24 Feb 2007
Posts: 86
Location: NH
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| Posted: 02/26/07 - 18:47 Post subject: |
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| ImmortalOne wrote: | | While single parents have a difficult time with one child, two children is even more difficult. What works for one person does not always work for another. So the first responder had a solution that worked well for her, you shouldn't critize her for it. For me, as a single parent without a support network of family, I developed friends and I threw myself into the care of my children and their survival/happiness. I worked hard, but spent as much time as I could with my kids. The thing to remember is that single parents are Mom and Dad both, we don't get to disconcern our roles, we have to play them all. |
I said what I said bc.... her comments were thoughtless.... she didnt try to consider the young ladies condition... she ASSUMED everyone could just get a nanny or turn to a network of friends..... which the girl said she did not have!!
So ya..... go ahead and share what worked for YOU, but be thoughtful enough to consider the other persons circumstances and HER means.
If you arent going to offer something that might actually Help that person your replying to... why bother? If she had read and actually thought about what she was posting, she may have noticed her inconsiderate tone... if not, pray for her bc its sad that ppl are so self involved that they cant even consider what another is going through or how their situation may not be Just like yours, and so not be fixed with the same easy answers. |
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ImmortalOne
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Joined: 05 Jan 2007
Posts: 437
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| Posted: 02/28/07 - 00:58 Post subject: |
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| Wild Orchid wrote: | I said what I said bc.... her comments were thoughtless.... she didnt try to consider the young ladies condition... she ASSUMED everyone could just get a nanny or turn to a network of friends..... which the girl said she did not have!!
So ya..... go ahead and share what worked for YOU, but be thoughtful enough to consider the other persons circumstances and HER means.
If you arent going to offer something that might actually Help that person your replying to... why bother? If she had read and actually thought about what she was posting, she may have noticed her inconsiderate tone... if not, pray for her bc its sad that ppl are so self involved that they cant even consider what another is going through or how their situation may not be Just like yours, and so not be fixed with the same easy answers. |
Are you a single parent Orchid? Have you ever been a single parent?
As parents there are never easy answers, that is a simple fact of life and being a parent. However, on the same token it isn't fair of you to judge the way someone placed a response about what worked best for them. I'm sorry but I have reread that post over again and do not feel it had an inconsiderate tone at all. Also, the original poster did not exactly state what her "means" were, nor did she say that she had absolutely no friends either.
If the girl did not have a network of friends, then she should try to create one with other single parents (and there are many ways to do this), however if she wanted to do that she does need to put forth the effort herself to some extent.
I feel that you are extremely judgmental over somethings and that your own posts are very inconsiderate, immature, hard to understand and read, lacking proper punctuation and thoughts, and even down right rude myself. If you dislike this assessment then perhaps you should consider how you are treating others. |
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Wild Orchid
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Joined: 24 Feb 2007
Posts: 86
Location: NH
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| Posted: 02/28/07 - 19:27 Post subject: |
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| ImmortalOne wrote: | | Wild Orchid wrote: | I said what I said bc.... her comments were thoughtless.... she didnt try to consider the young ladies condition... she ASSUMED everyone could just get a nanny or turn to a network of friends..... which the girl said she did not have!!
So ya..... go ahead and share what worked for YOU, but be thoughtful enough to consider the other persons circumstances and HER means.
If you arent going to offer something that might actually Help that person your replying to... why bother? If she had read and actually thought about what she was posting, she may have noticed her inconsiderate tone... if not, pray for her bc its sad that ppl are so self involved that they cant even consider what another is going through or how their situation may not be Just like yours, and so not be fixed with the same easy answers. |
Are you a single parent Orchid? Have you ever been a single parent?
As parents there are never easy answers, that is a simple fact of life and being a parent. However, on the same token it isn't fair of you to judge the way someone placed a response about what worked best for them. I'm sorry but I have reread that post over again and do not feel it had an inconsiderate tone at all. Also, the original poster did not exactly state what her "means" were, nor did she say that she had absolutely no friends either.
If the girl did not have a network of friends, then she should try to create one with other single parents (and there are many ways to do this), however if she wanted to do that she does need to put forth the effort herself to some extent.
I feel that you are extremely judgmental over somethings and that your own posts are very inconsiderate, immature, hard to understand and read, lacking proper punctuation and thoughts, and even down right rude myself. If you dislike this assessment then perhaps you should consider how you are treating others. |
I have no problem with your post, its obvious that I struck a soft spot and you have to live with the reason why I did and deal with it on ur own 
Your an inarticulate person that receives and absorbs informaton inarticulately... thats sad.
When replying to a post like the one of the young expectant mom, she admitted and shared Some of her concerns and if You are or have ever been a single parent you should be able to deduce that those were in fact just a few of the concerns that she was facing, and reply with advice not by being ignorant and assuming its as easy as getting a nanny. It is not realistic for most ppl to hire a nanny, even in a two parent home the expense is one that makes it not even considerable.
If you wanna say you think her advice was helpful then you are heartless and dont care enough to actually take a moment and think about what that young lady may have actually been needing to hear! |
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ImmortalOne
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Joined: 05 Jan 2007
Posts: 437
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| Posted: 03/01/07 - 00:44 Post subject: |
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| Wild Orchid wrote: |
I have no problem with your post, its obvious that I struck a soft spot and you have to live with the reason why I did and deal with it on ur own
Your an inarticulate person that receives and absorbs informaton inarticulately... thats sad.
When replying to a post like the one of the young expectant mom, she admitted and shared Some of her concerns and if You are or have ever been a single parent you should be able to deduce that those were in fact just a few of the concerns that she was facing, and reply with advice not by being ignorant and assuming its as easy as getting a nanny. It is not realistic for most ppl to hire a nanny, even in a two parent home the expense is one that makes it not even considerable.
If you wanna say you think her advice was helpful then you are heartless and dont care enough to actually take a moment and think about what that young lady may have actually been needing to hear! |
Heartless? Apparently you have failed to read anything past your own posts on these forums. If you had you would have come across several of my own posts, which state very clearly, that not only was I a single parent of 2 children for an extended period of time; but also a teen mother 14 years past. My daughters, for the record are 14 yrs and 9 yrs, and both are honor roll, musically inclined, popular, and well adjusted children. Also, I have been engaged for over a year to date, and expecting my 3rd wonderful miracle (which I have called this child because not only how hard it was to get pregnant, but also that I had surgery during my 12th week) in August.
You are emphasizing the cost of paying for a Nanny. However fail to acknowledge that there are several situations when someone will be a Nanny in exchange for room and board. I know this from personal experience of having a Nanny for approximately a year for my children while I worked two jobs. At first I found a babysitter who charged $1.00 an hour, however found that she did not watch and care for my children as I wanted her to. I attempted to work part time in a day care center to pay for the bills and cost of that, in addition to holding another part time job and a full time job. That is a sinking hole which never gets paid off. I've had roommates who watched my children, and did the best they could, but when my eldest was 10 years old I had no choice but to live on my own and have her watch her sister when they got home from school.
How does a single mother cope with being a single parent? The best we can. We do the best we are able with the resources and abilities we have. I have stated before that we are the mother and the father. We are the friend and the disciplinarian. We have to hold ourselves together, as well as our children. We are thankless in the work we do, we are judged for being single parents, and then we are held accountable when our children are latchkey kids, or living with babysitters. There are no viable solutions for single parents, especially in a society when two income-two parent households can barely make ends meet.
So, do I feel that the nanny option that was offered by another single parent who had a positive experience with it, was wrong? Hell no, that was the only solution she knew, and we all react and act upon our experiences, and give advice from the lessons thereof learned.
Additionally, I was actually defending the other single parent from your comment because I do not feel that you have anything positive to add. In fact from other posts I've seen of yours, I have not seen anything positively stated in the least. |
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Wild Orchid
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Joined: 24 Feb 2007
Posts: 86
Location: NH
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| Posted: 03/01/07 - 19:50 Post subject: |
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| ImmortalOne wrote: | | Wild Orchid wrote: |
I have no problem with your post, its obvious that I struck a soft spot and you have to live with the reason why I did and deal with it on ur own
Your an inarticulate person that receives and absorbs informaton inarticulately... thats sad.
When replying to a post like the one of the young expectant mom, she admitted and shared Some of her concerns and if You are or have ever been a single parent you should be able to deduce that those were in fact just a few of the concerns that she was facing, and reply with advice not by being ignorant and assuming its as easy as getting a nanny. It is not realistic for most ppl to hire a nanny, even in a two parent home the expense is one that makes it not even considerable.
If you wanna say you think her advice was helpful then you are heartless and dont care enough to actually take a moment and think about what that young lady may have actually been needing to hear! |
Heartless? Apparently you have failed to read anything past your own posts on these forums. If you had you would have come across several of my own posts, which state very clearly, that not only was I a single parent of 2 children for an extended period of time; but also a teen mother 14 years past. My daughters, for the record are 14 yrs and 9 yrs, and both are honor roll, musically inclined, popular, and well adjusted children. Also, I have been engaged for over a year to date, and expecting my 3rd wonderful miracle (which I have called this child because not only how hard it was to get pregnant, but also that I had surgery during my 12th week) in August.
You are emphasizing the cost of paying for a Nanny. However fail to acknowledge that there are several situations when someone will be a Nanny in exchange for room and board. I know this from personal experience of having a Nanny for approximately a year for my children while I worked two jobs. At first I found a babysitter who charged $1.00 an hour, however found that she did not watch and care for my children as I wanted her to. I attempted to work part time in a day care center to pay for the bills and cost of that, in addition to holding another part time job and a full time job. That is a sinking hole which never gets paid off. I've had roommates who watched my children, and did the best they could, but when my eldest was 10 years old I had no choice but to live on my own and have her watch her sister when they got home from school.
How does a single mother cope with being a single parent? The best we can. We do the best we are able with the resources and abilities we have. I have stated before that we are the mother and the father. We are the friend and the disciplinarian. We have to hold ourselves together, as well as our children. We are thankless in the work we do, we are judged for being single parents, and then we are held accountable when our children are latchkey kids, or living with babysitters. There are no viable solutions for single parents, especially in a society when two income-two parent households can barely make ends meet.
So, do I feel that the nanny option that was offered by another single parent who had a positive experience with it, was wrong? Hell no, that was the only solution she knew, and we all react and act upon our experiences, and give advice from the lessons thereof learned.
Additionally, I was actually defending the other single parent from your comment because I do not feel that you have anything positive to add. In fact from other posts I've seen of yours, I have not seen anything positively stated in the least. |
You share some of the 'right things' at the wrong time....
As for my posts, I reply accordingly.
Address someone else if you think your effecting me. I will continue being helpful to those that sincerely look for help on here and I will continue to be frank and blunt with ppl that come here for no reason other then to mock the intent of the forum or to engage in being juvenile at the expense of serious ppl seaking answers, advice and understanding...and those trying to be of help. And FYI Help is more then sharing just your personal experiences its being open minded and thinking how you might help THAT person posting for help! If you find it so difficult to help someone beyond your own life experiences perhaps you shouldnt bother. |
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a_l_daigle
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| Posted: 03/02/07 - 20:23 Post subject: |
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| Gee, is there someone bitter? Sure sounds like it. Whats up with all the negative commenting. People come on here and give the best advice they know, you may not agree with it, but there shouldn't be any bitterness. |
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