I can't stop cutting myself and I don't know why?¿

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I'm 16 and I've been cutting myself for about a year too. I was suicidal for about 4 years before that. I have a serious self-esteem problem. I blame myself for mistakes. Mistakes aren't an option for me. I keep thinking I should get some help (therapy, a psychologistt or something) but the last time I tried to tell my parents about my 'problems', they thought I was joking. I was really hurt so I just tried to shrug it off. "Yeah, haha, a joke... yeah."

I got into a relationship with a guy who became the world to me. He was everything. He could cheer me up or calm me down just by saying something. I thought I was in love and I suppose I was because I needed that someone to give me that individual unique attention. To tell me that everyone makes mistakes and that everything was going to be okay. He could talk me out of trying to kill myself and the cutting even pattered down after a few months of being with him. But a short while after, I guess he realized he could have someone who loved him unconditionally. And I do love him, but I still feel taken for granted. And that's partly my fault. It's wrong to pin everything you have on someone who already told you you aren't his first priority.

I think I've been getting better now that I've tried to see things clearer. I've taken a step away from that little bubble I used to live in and I've tried to relax. To give myself time to analyze what went wrong. But the cutting is picking up again. I don't know what to do... If anyone knows how to help, please reply.

I can't stop cutting myself and I don't know why?¿

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