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Xingeh
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Joined: 17 Aug 2005
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 Posted: 08/29/05 - 02:25 Post subject: |
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| I feel like dying every day and day..............But i just keep on keeping on (rofl from joe dirt) and wait till something happens......Life is a endless dark portal, i wish it could just end....... |
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marcusm
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Joined: 18 May 2005
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| Posted: 08/29/05 - 05:30 Post subject: |
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Xingeh,
Why you're feeling so depressed? How old are you?
Sometimes I'm overwhelming with similar thoughts but they just disappear in few moments.
I hope you will share your experience with us since we're very interesed in such topics.
I like the term "endless dark portal". It sounds like you're SF writer. 
marcusm |
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Lori
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Joined: 23 Jul 2005
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| Posted: 08/30/05 - 13:05 Post subject: |
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| Hi! I feel like that as well, but the thing is that I wasn’t always like this. I used to have a lot of friends, and gang out with them quite a lot. Then my best friend got killed in a car accident and everything changed. Now, I don’t even feel talking to people and especially those that I don’t know, and I am trying to avoid them. Sometimes I wish that things would come back to normal, how they were before but sometimes I just don’t care, and I just live with no particular reason. |
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Xingeh
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| Posted: 09/01/05 - 20:36 Post subject: |
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Lori...Im exactly like you, Ever since my parents got divorced, my favorite dog died (lol), and 2 of my family members died...I feel like total shit, Im 15, ever since all this happend ive noticed i gained lots of weight to, and i have no idea, i dont remember even starting this thread O_o, I never dream....Only time i dream its when i have a "nightmare" or when more and more of my family dies, Right now my faimly rejects me most of the time, especialy, my dad, mom, and sister...and for some reason i NEVER want to be at school....For no reason...Last year i used to skip everyday, i just couldnt stand to be around so many "happy" people...I cant explain it. Maybe im in just stupid teenager. I remember being active alot, and I avoid everyone...I feel like a poop stain in society.....And this also bothers me, as i wrote in another thread. | Quote: | | This is probaly the most retarted thing you've ever heard because.....I know whats good and i still dont do it......Im like that with my mom and dad also, i dont know why, its just natrual, i live with my mom, she works practicly all day, and i hardly see her, maybe 1-3 hours a day, but mostly like 1 hour everyday, Only reason why im like this...is probaly because she wants me to be what she wants me to be, She wants me to be like this, she wishes i was like this, she wishes i wouldnt wear that kind of clothes, and it pisses me off because, she wants the "perfect" son.......I have no communication wtih my father, and my sister and i cant get along, so im basicly alone all day, besides at school. |
So bam, Im All alone most of the time......................So as you can say im a loser with no life  |
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Xingeh
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| Posted: 09/01/05 - 20:41 Post subject: |
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| I would also like to add, when i had lots of friends, used to be in shape, used to be active, and used to talk alot, i never felt sad or depressed, now im "over-weight", Dont have many friends, Not very active , and hardly talk alot, and theres one reason thats really bothering me that stops me from talking to alot of people........its my voice....I mumble alot, my voice is to deep so that causes me to mumble and i HATE IT....Most of the time when im trying to talk to people, im either trying to LOUD so people can hear me and that gives them the idea that im angry with them or something, or talk normaly, when people think i dont care, and they cant understand me.......GOD DAMNIT!!!!!!! |
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Lori
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| Posted: 09/03/05 - 18:00 Post subject: |
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| I try to think why this is so, and I don’t see a reason, and everything seems worthless, I can’t find my role in life, I don’t even like doing anything anymore, all my interests are gone. Sometimes when I meet some of my closest friends, I feel ok with them, but when I go home, I am alone again. And I think if I should ask for help, or if this is just a stage that I am going through…I don’t want to start with any medications because I am afraid I will become hooked on them and I certainly don’t want that, I just want things back the way they were. Do you have anything you enjoy doing? |
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Xingeh
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| Posted: 09/05/05 - 07:22 Post subject: |
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| Well, only with my friends, I do have a hobby i guess its playing this one game at the arcade called ddr, and wasting tons of hours playing mmorpg's lol, thats about it =/ |
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Lori
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| Posted: 09/07/05 - 19:44 Post subject: |
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| Do you find your situation dangerous, or you believe it will go away? I sometimes feel so bad I think I will burst but sometimes I am ok. But when I am in a bad mood I can’t think about anything else but that, I am always negative, and my behavior is rather weird. Like I pay no attention to why I say and all my reactions are impulsive which is not good when I think about it later. I don’t know if I should seek counseling. |
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Xingeh
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| Posted: 09/08/05 - 20:59 Post subject: |
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| On a scale to 1 to 10 on how i feel about killing my self...I would say im in around 5 ...I want to do it, but i dont want to do it, I have counseling at my school...which i hate....All counseling does it makes you feel even more like a dumb ass and useless person for saying why you want to do it, and them finding out, i dont belive that bull shit about "telling someone how you feel or something your holding" How in the f@#$^&* hell does telling something to someone make you feel better?....I dont get it....If i have something to say i say it, Now their saying i must be depressed or something, f*** that shit, im always all "tired" looking and "sad" looking, Even when im with my friends thats how i am, i think this "DEPRESSION" shit is just a way of being sad.......How is being SAD = DEpressoin? Their basicly the same thing, its just an excuse to get you on some pills. see how a stupid f*** I AM, SHIT i know That this is COMPLETE BULL SHIT but i Still think its not. f*** i need..............Candy |
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Lori
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| Posted: 09/12/05 - 17:16 Post subject: |
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| I mean, I don’t think about killing myself. I am just having problems understanding if this problem is big. I look at depression like any other illness, just like pneumonia or something like that, like a physical disorder. It is just like your thyroid gland doesn’t produce enough thyroid hormone, so it happens with neurotransmitters that are responsible for our emotional state. When there aren’t enough neurotransmitters in the brain, we feel blue. But, most people don’t realize that and think that this blue mood can be solved by strong will. And even though I sometimes feel like I live with no will for living, I surf the net and read what people are saying on forums about their depressions and I see how they fight for their lives, I see how much they want to feel good, and sometimes this gives me the strength when I am blue. You say you have counseling at school, I think this is actually good, you shouldn’t be so negative about it. Whenever I talk to somebody I learn more about myself and my feelings, I see through them, and this also makes me feel better. |
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