Internet Porn in marriage OK?

Shemms · Newbie Joined: 19 Dec 2006 Posts: 1

I am currently married for 2 years, and have been dating my present husband for almost 8 prior, and am only 26, he is 29. This past year has been incredibly tough, and we are starting a business together after graduation from business school, and we have been living with his parents for a year now. Our sexual life is OK- not what i would think it would be if we were alone, but OK considering where we are living and how much stress we are under. My husband is pretty conservative, traditional, honest and very straightforward. He told me once before we got married that he looked and got pleasure from internet porn, and he was worried and told me.. he wanted to make sure that was OK- and was open about it. I was upset, but now that I am married, i suppose i just thought if he needed to look at porn he would just come to me instead for his sexual needs. I will confess myself, that i did instigate a time when we both looked at the porn together, during sex, around the summer a few months ago ... and had some fun with it, but then we thought it was weird and went back to normal ways. I deleted all the downloads from our computers, and didnt ask him if it was OK..

Then, early this morning i was woken suddenly from a horrible nightmare. I dreampt my husband was cheating on me w/ my uncles girlfriend (who is a grandmother..LOL) but in the dream i was sooo mad at DH. But it might have been nothing much but a weird string of dreams b/c prior i was dreaming that my sister was cheating on her boyfriend of 7 years..lol.. BUT- none the lesss, I turned over, and felt my bed for my DH (around 5:30am) and he wasnt in the bed... (many many nights he gets up and sleeps in the living room b/c he is physiclaly very sore and lately has also been sick and coughing which he doesnt want to wake me up).. but sometimes im paranoid b/c he has his computer set up in his parents basement. So- i took this dream maybe a little too seriously, and went to the LR where he wasnt sleeping.. so then i tip toed downstairs and saw alittle blue light on, and snuck up behind him and as always see him looking at cars and has earphones on listeneing to music. (hes such a kid sometimes).. but i am forever paranoid (maybe its my very overactive imagination) that he is online w/ porn.

So, i confront him, and say i want to go upstairs and talk. So, i tell him about my dream, and that i woke up really upset.. and I said- honestly do you EVER go online w/ porn.. I said that he could tell me and it was important for me to know... and that even i am guilty of occasionally peeking at it, but only very very rarely (few x's/year)... so he says "yes- i do.. but its very very rare.. " so i say- how many times? and he says "about 1-2x's per month. normally if i have my period, or if we dont have sex for awhile"... So that got me upset and i wanted to ask more but i didnt want to push the issue too much, for fear i might make him think Im paranoid, which honestly- im not really, and i do trust him, but i think i just get jealous if hes online looking at porn. I asked him if he just looks at it for fun, or for actual pleasure (physically speaking) and he said "physically".. so that upset me- and i told him that sometimes i feel like i want sex and i dont say anything.. and he was liek "well we cant judge anything right now b/c were living w/ my parents, were under allot of stress etc.. and things will change and get better.. and asked me not to judge him right now"...

So- long story short- is it normal for this to happen? Should i ask him not to do it? I already said that I guess if he only does it a few x's year its OK b/c hes a guy- and thats normal- but is it? I am afriad b/c i hear horror stories that normal couples in love have kids, then the husband gets addicted to porn, and they split up... that seems to be the society we live in, and DH thinks im always crazy and overreacting - but maybe its just a touch of jealously, and even more strange, it makes me desire him even more. Am i sick or something? Overall i would say all things considered (and we are in a very stressful life right now) that we do have good, healthy relationship- but I just like to get some feedback, am i paranoid? is it normal? should i police him more? less? not bring it up? Wait to see if it persists?

Anyhow- thanks for reading this long, but very important post to me..

ps- i just wanted to add that i just checked my DH's computer, and went into Limewire (where we had the porn) and went into the Library where i deleted the downloads (most were my downloads..lol) and there were none ... so unless hes deleting it - which i dont think he would do- he has been honest in saying he hasnt done it in awhile and mainly was doing it a bit during the summer when we were experimenting w/ it. so- maybe i am just over reacting?

Jane23 · Supporter Joined: 23 Jul 2005 Posts: 465

Hi! Your feelings are perfectly normal, every woman feels the same. Some can cope with that while others don't.....and it's good that he admitted it.

To be honest, every healthy, normal guy does it, mine too. I can't say I don't mind sometimes but it is just the way they are and we all have to vent some way, this is their way and it is for fun and it is physical and they do enjoy it and we should be ok with it...........because we masturbate too, right?

You shouldn't be upset especially if you have a healthy relationship like you say you do. Ok, things are a bit hard right now but it will be better.

Don't worry about him, it's normal and he won't love or want you any less if he masturbates.

Internet Porn in marriage OK?

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