Jealousy in relationships!!!!

Kruko · Silver Member Joined: 27 Mar 2006 Posts: 210

I was wondering how far can jealousy in relationship take us? I am fairly jealous, mostly to the other sex that has any contact with my girlfriend. I understand that she needs male friends as much as I do females but I still don’t feel too comfortable.
I even caught myself going through her things and her phone to check for any specific messages. I knew it was wrong but I couldn’t help it!

I wanted to know what do you do to check on your loved ones? Do you do it because you have been burnt by this or another person or just because the green monster has taken you over? How far with checking (spying) would you go?

karalynn15 · Newbie Joined: 08 Nov 2006 Posts: 12

hey yea.. i have the same problem im tired of seeing my boyfriend talking to other girls some are my friends but he has more girl friends then guys and i get sad and bit! you should trust her a little bit but inside just keep and eye.. i do but sometimes i like to go away from him and do something on my own till he sees whats wrong be open with her and maybe it will work out!

shellie0405 · Newbie Joined: 15 Oct 2006 Posts: 15

i think that jealously in a relationship is not called for at all in most cases... it really depends on the person and the realtionship if she has done somthing in the past to really make u lose all trust in her i can understand why u would go through her things but if she hasnt done anything to make u lose that trust i think u should stop asap because jealousy is a good way to end a good relationship....but do u also think that if u dont trust her its really because u wouldnt trust ur self in situations that u see her going through...but i think over all u should talk to her because communication is key to a healthy relationship

vince_1234 · Newbie Joined: 15 Nov 2006 Posts: 7

shellie0405 wrote:
i think that jealously in a relationship is not called for at all in most cases... it really depends on the person and the realtionship if she has done somthing in the past to really make u lose all trust in her i can understand why u would go through her things but if she hasnt done anything to make u lose that trust i think u should stop asap because jealousy is a good way to end a good relationship....but do u also think that if u dont trust her its really because u wouldnt trust ur self in situations that u see her going through...but i think over all u should talk to her because communication is key to a healthy relationship

yeah i think what this girls says might be true because in my psycholog class we studied about the defense mechanisms. now, whether they work or not is controversial. but according to one of them, if you check out hot girls, you might feel that this is not right, so ur mind finds a way to defend itself ---- through projection. so u project ur behavior on ur g.f and u think that she does the same thing, which triggers ur jealousy, and every time u see her talking to a guy, you think she's flirting.
like i said, i don't kow if thee defense mechanisms work for sure. but to tell u the truth i feel the same way abt my girlfriend. i get jealous too. and honestly i check out oter girls becuse my g.f is not that hot. she does exercises but not that often. so projection might actually be true. maybe i do project my behavior on her and since she has many guy friends, i get jealous all the time. i feel guilty but....what can i do

the thing with me is that she hurt me in the past, and that really sucks because i thought this relationship would be just like i always imagined it in my dreams. now, i can't make myself think that our relationship is pure despite the fact that she loves and despite the fact that i know how much i mean to her. just like you, my friend, i'm constantly preoccupied with dark thoughts and can't see anything good about this relantionship.

i don't know what advice to give u because i can't solve my problem either. if u check out o;ther girls, maybe u shouldstop so that ur mind doesnt project this on ur g.f or ur other option is to make urself believe that checking out other girls is not wrong, so that ur mind doesnt feel guit and then there will be no projection. good luck!

rev32 · Newbie Joined: 29 Jun 2006 Posts: 9

I think the jelousy phase your goin through is fine, I had it with my girlfriend. However, it really does play with your mind and screw up a lot of things, you'll start stressing out and feeling hurt and suspicious, which could ruin many things, heck, i was so jealous once, i gave my girlfriend the silent treatment for a week or two. She should've dumped me there and then, but she was forgiving and she was willing to sort it out. And the most important thing is to be open.

I told her about my jealousy and she understood. And well now we have the best relationship I could ever ask for. Cause after that, she reassured me that she was loyal, she even stopped being friends with some of the guys. (Looking back, I feel really stupid) After that you truly appreciate what they have done for you, and in the end you will understand and the jealousy phase will pass. The trust will develop and the green monster will disappear.

Hankster · Newbie Joined: 28 Dec 2006 Posts: 12

I think jealousy is about insecurity. When someone is jealous, it's usually because they don't feel they are good enough to keep their partner and are afraid that their partner will do a little comparison between you them and another person...and the jealous person sees it as a threat.

I've been in fucked up relationships where my partner didn't trust me, it was always a struggle. I was constantly quizzed about who I'd talked to that day and what did we talk about.

Life IS too short, the sort of mind games a jealous person puts you through is a form of abuse. They beat you down mentally until you give up and think that the jealous person just LOVES you SO MUCH. You begin to feel as if you could NEVER find anyone else that can love you as much.

That's not love.

When you're in a relationship where someone loves and trusts you - you are with a person that is secure in themselves. It's a great place to be. Trust me, I've been there.

HTH,

Hankster

pumpkine0011 · Newbie Joined: 03 Jan 2007 Posts: 9

Yeah my hubby gets very jealous of me and its annoying, and he doesnt trust me, and that just causes more problems becuz you cant make sopmeone not do something. So if she wants to cheat or flirt or whatever she will. But she is less likely to do it if you trust her and give her some room to breath. I havent ever cheated on my hubby, but some girls would. I admit I can get very jealous myself and its just a vicious circle of no trust. We love each other alot and we are still trying not to get jealous but it is hard sometimes. In my case though I HAVE been cheated on by every person I have ever dated, and it isnt cuz I am ugly or fat, cuz I am not either. So I dont really trust. But I dont know what his reason is for not trusting me though.

Guest · Guest

well i fairly do that to snoop around to get some information that i dont recieve by asking but you have to put trust in your gurlfriend and just talk to her more then to ignore the fact that your hiding behind the curtain.

TBUK · Newbie Joined: 16 Jul 2007 Posts: 38

i do trust my boyfriend but i do get jealous mainly because im scared of losing him. we are completely open with each other and dont hide any thing from each other and we both use each others phone. when i get jealous or paraniod i'll be withdrawn for a while and when he asks if im ok i tell him whats wrong and he puts my mind at rest and i do exactlly the same with him, we keep ourselves to ourselve and when we socialise we only do it as a couple because it totally works for us and we like to spend our time together, were now engaged.

Paranoid123 · Newbie Joined: 20 Jul 2007 Posts: 14 Location: boston

jealousy is a normal thing to have in a relationship. yet it doesn't mean its a good thing. its very true sumtimes jealousy can end a very good relationship many couples argue abt it and blah cums to a break up. you go through her stuff because you care about her. Its nice that you care but if she hasn't done anything wrong to you or her past relationship you should try to trust her more. its normal but its better if u ask her in person so if she lie yet u know she's not worth your time

Jealousy in relationships!!!!

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