Jelous. Pathologicaly Jleous or got a problem? How to beat it?

Peaceseeker · Newbie Joined: 10 Dec 2007 Posts: 1

I m in a relationship with my girlfriend for 7 months now. We are both 31 years old and everything is great, EXEPT, I become upset and in some way jelaous when it comes to her ex boyfriends and past relationships. I have a feeling that she is too liberal when relationships are in matter, not in a decadent unmoral way, for example, more like if she at some point of her life was lonely and in need for gentleness, she get herself ivolved in a meaningless 1 month realtionship with a guy, and after that she dont even think it was a dating and relationship?! I mean, how do we call it than, having fun? I really love her and she is a great person, we plan to marry, but I would like to know and ask her everything: with how many people she slept before i came in her life, how many serious relationships she had, does any of her ex boyfriends still means something to her, even in a smallest possible way, like something nice she remember and keep in her heart abot that person away from everybody. I know she had 4 years long serious relationship with 10 years older guy, i wanna know the nature of ther relation now, does she say simple hello if she spots him on a street, does he sometimes for example send message for her birthday, etc... i wanna know how many relationships she had and with whom, after that serious 4 years long relationship she had, I wanna know how long that relations lasted and did she slept with that people... it confusing me, she is saying that only once in her life she loved a man, and she caliming that she could sleep with someone only if she love that person, but from what i heard from her, she slept woth more than that one guy she ever loved... I wanna know everything about her past and very often when we are in bad, i start to feel uncomfortable just becouse i rememberd, that some other guy, sometimes, was there before me and enjoying with her... it is not that i expect that she has to be a virgin, but it is just bothers me, that kind of stuff... from the other side, I was in a relationships, much more then she was, and I also loved, and girls loved me, i also have had lot of sex before, and frome that point of view, what am i complaining about? But I think, it is "forgivable and normal" in a way for men to have such a behaviour, but when it comes to women... it is a different story, i expect them to be much more decent and not to have lot of men in their past, at least not more then it is normal for a decent woman. I know i have problem with this and I m jelaous, and it is eating me, cause i really love this girl and i do care, but it is just... sometimes it overcomes me, and i dont have peace. How to beat this, i would really like not to be so sensitive about this, it is normal for people to have relationships, i know, but sometimes imake jokes on me, saying that i would only have peace if i find a virgin:) How to beat this war inside?

BedsonTrudeau · Moderator Joined: 02 Jan 2007 Posts: 943

I don't know exactly how you can personally beat this war inside of you. There are some questions you need to ask yourself. Are you jealous because of insecurities about yourself? Do you expect too much out of your partners? Do you feel that women should be more sexually conservative than men? If so, why? Is it because of pride?

I also think that it would be wise to discuss this with your girlfriend. Now, I don't think it would be wise to go forward with the questions you want answered. Instead, approach it gently. Make a lot of "I" statements. Tell her how you feel. Tell her why you feel that way, or, if you don't know why, tell her that. Tell her what you want to know and why you want to know it, but don't expect her to answer (at least not just yet). Be sensitive. Say that you love her and use other kind words.

I'm married and I'm a little jealous myself when my husband speaks of his former love. Some jealousy is normal. But ask yourself how far your jealousy goes. Do you feel that it's dangerous or that it'll ruin your relationship? In any regard, it's necessary for you to talk to your girlfriend and to maintain "I" statements.

Jelous. Pathologicaly Jleous or got a problem? How to beat it?

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