Life after being raped?! YES!

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wow thas sad but strong you sure did hang in!

Nomad1985 · Newbie Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 82 Location: NY, USA

I saw the link to this board from another and although I feel this might not be the right one since I wasn't raped, I was almost raped at 17 but that wasn't the abuse I'm talking about.

My mom was the one who abused me. My mom and dad got divorced when I was younger because she would scream at him, he would go out and drink, then she would get revenge by bring men over and cheating on him. Some of my first memories were over her at the bar and getting into a fight, flirting with some guy, or too drunk that some strange guy would have to walk me home and put me to bed. Sometimes she would come home with guys and I would have to wake up and go down stairs so she could have sex with them. She stopped drinking when I was around 6 but the abuse still happened.

She would beat me over anything from being mad at someone else and taking it out on me or even punching me over and over again for coughing when I was sick. It wasn't always that which hurt the most. She never showed me any love or affection. She never said she loved me or sorry for anything she did. She taught me to wait on her at a very young age because she "always wanted a slave boy but I would do".

Before and during my elementary school days she would drop me off at my grandmother's a lot when she worked or wanted to do something. Grandma never hurt me but she was distant to me and I hated staying there. We stayed in the shack my grandfather built that didn't have any indoor plumbing, no heat, one lightbulb that sort of thing. I got sick all the time from being there because I couldn't wash my hands and even though it was a very tiny cabin like place she had 7 cats and a dog. On the one carpet you could reach down at any given point and grab a handful of fur. We worked by collecting trees/branches in the woods and having me drag them back so she could chop them and of course bringing in the rain buckets. For play I got to wander in the woods, play solitare, play with old blocks and empty medicine bottle boxes my grandma taped up, or pick fleas off the dog then put them in bleach. My mom would typically pick me up between 11:00 - 12:30 at night and I would finally get to bed so tired that I could hardly move that sometimes led to me peeing the bed. I would try to wake up and go but fall right back to sleep again or sometimes I would be so achy that I could get up before I peed. My mom hated when I peed the bed, she would rip off the sheets and tell me to sleep on the floor, I didn't always have clean clothes and one blanket that was usually wet with pee so I would have to sleep on the floor have naked/naked with my pillow. One I almost made it to the bathroom and she burst open the door while I was in there then grabbed my wet underwear and rubbed them in my face while yelling "What? Do I have to rub it in your face like a dog?!".

Of course it wasn't just me she would hurt. She also took our pets and kicked them as hard as she could, beat their heads into the floor, or fling them into walls. Her favorites with me was taking me by the hair and slamming my head into anything that was around including chairs/floor/sink/walls, choking me by hand or with a belt which caused me to black out a couple times, punching me in the stomach, "hold my arm" while digging her nails in so hard they would bleed and leave black & blue marks, locking me in rooms/outside, and degrading me. She would say she liked the dog better than me, that she hated me, told me I was useless and worthless.

I was always alone as well, we lived in a rural area and at school everyone thought I was weird and picked on me badly. They would make fun of the clothes I wore, call me retarded, and didn't want me involved with them at all. I remember feeling so bad in gym class when people had to pick their teams and I was the last one left standing in front of all of them then they fought over who had to take me. Finally the gym teacher came over and demanded I be on a certain team which they all moaned about. I didn't play, instead I hid inside the crack where the divider came out. Nobody ever noticed I was gone even the gym teacher, I didn't leave until the class was over and everyone left. The last grade I stayed in that school district (8th) the kids upped it by telling everyone in school that I was a lesbian which I didn't know anything about at the time but older kids would come up to me at lunch and say nasty things. In elementary school the the nurse was very worried because she wondered why I was sick all the time and after a check-up she notified social servives after she found lines in my finger nails. I didn't think anything of it at the time until I heard them talking about thinking my mom was poisoning me.

My dad finally found out some of what was going on after my mom tried to kill me with a large knife. I had come home from school and she was just looking at the tv but it wasn't on. I made the mistake of asking her what her problem was which she didn't respond to. I went out to the kitchen to look for something to eat for dinner and she came stomping in, grabbed me by the throat and threw me into the cubbards. She was yelling about things like being a disgrace and dragging our last name through the dirt. So she took out the biggest knife she could find in the drawer and said "I hate you! I'm going to f**king kill you!". I ran and took the phone with me to my room. I had to sit in front of the door because she was slamming her body into it then I dialed whatever phone number I could think of which happened to be my one friend. I said "Help me! She's trying to kill me" and my friend got out "Dude, what's going on?" but after that the phone went dead. My mom ripped the phone cord out of the wall. After I gathered my nerve I slowly went downstairs, I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest and felt like if I breathed it would be loud enough for her to hear me. I ran to the kitchen trying to get out the door but she got me. She beat my head over and over again into the back of the chair. I fell to the floor and stayed there for a couple minutes because I was dizzy and felt sick. Then I crawled to the back door through the next room. I was able to slip my shoes on quietly and but she heard when I opened the door. Then I ran as fast as I could down the road to the nieghbors. She was screaming about calling the cops on me. To shorten it up a bit, she did call the cops on me which found me at the neighbors and forced me to go home. I don't know what she told the cops but they treated me like I was the bad one. The cop tried to make me stay there but I couldn't speak or think straight. All I could get out was "No, I'm deathly afraid of her." which after I said that I saw that she had an almost satisfied looking smile. Finally he said he would bring me to my fathers and brought me to the cop car. I was going to get in the front seat because I thought since I just got hurt bad and was being taken away I could. He stopped me and said I had to be searched, I didn't feel too bad about that. I felt it was understandable. After he did, he said get into the back seat. I sat down and looked at him through the bars, he looked back and said "You know, you should really listen to your mother." which hurt me bad because I didn't even fight back. Then I tried to say something and he stopped me before the second word and said "You can't talk to me, just stay seated and quiet.".

My dad found out about things after contacting social services and talking to me some. Turns out she was reported to social services 14 times, they did send someone out but my mom told me if I said anything that "I would really know what pain felt like". He took me away from her but because my step-mother didn't want me living with them him and my grandfather pulled together to get me a little trailer in the woods. I lived alone there from 14 to 19.

I changed schools after I was taken away. I managed to come out of my shell some, I enjoyed living by myself because I finally felt free and safe. In 11th grade I became more interested in things and finally followed through with my life long love of politics by getting involved in school debates and such. It made me feel alive for the first time and happy. I graduated and got a job although I had problems with my first job, it was a little hard on me to be around everything going on. After that I got better with work as well as getting better myself.

Since 18 I have felt good, I feel normal, I love life and appreciate what I have. Now I am almost 22, have a job I usually enjoy, have many great pets, I'm getting married in 2 months to a wonderful man, and we are trying to start a family of our own. Very Happy

katie birdwood · Newbie Joined: 25 Feb 2007 Posts: 1

please help me
me being raped has not stopped i am only thirteen and my "boyfriend"
keeps on raping me what do i do
i love it !!!!!!!! i love seeing him get out of bed in the morning
i love seeing hom get and errection just before jumps on top of me i love feel him enter me and hold me like i mean somthing to him
i need to tell someone so i might as well tell you
well i am pregnant what do i do i am only thirteeen
i have been pregnant for three months and a bulge is starting to show
my mum will murder me help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

keekee · Posted: 03/24/07 - 21:19 Post subject: Katie....

You have not been raped. the definition of rape is the crime of forcing another person to submit to sex acts, especially sexual intercourse AGAINST THEIR WILL. Clearly, the acts you engaged in was consensual, therefore you have not been raped at all. dont cry wolf.

Now ... if you are pregnant, i would tell someone close nand trustworthy in a position to help you, if not your mom, then a teacher, doctor, family friend, cousin, aunty, councellor etc... aqnd get a pregnancy test done. You can buy pregnancy tests at pharmacists, or get them done at the doctors or at family planning clinics.

hope this helped,
kee
x#[/b]

blahblahzz · Newbie Joined: 27 Jul 2007 Posts: 7

Aww Nomad *hugs* you went through a horrible time Sad

that is dreadful!

I am so happy for you that you have a fiancee who loves you and your soon to be married thats just beautiful. You are a battler!

All of you who have posted your stories have amazed me, your strenght and your determination.

It is shocking how cruel some people are, but they will get there just deserves one day whether it be in this life or the next!

that is so sad, like others have said before me, if you want to talk about something thats happened to you, theres people here to offer support and a listening ear (well in this case reading eye)

Good luck to all of you and may your lives only be filled with happiness and joy and love

quinby · Newbie Joined: 01 Nov 2007 Posts: 1

KeeKee I am a male that is currently dating a girl that has been through being molested and I care bout this girl alot and she has talked to me alot about it and everything goes good for us and then she suddenly changes and she has break downs about it and I try to be there for her to hold her and stuff but I myself dont feel its enough and I just want to ask u what more can I do.... I hate seein her hurt like this and blame herself for sumthing that she had no control over..... please help me cause she tells me I dont understand alot and I want to understand more.....

Shygreeneyes · Newbie Joined: 02 Jul 2007 Posts: 13 Location: California

I myself was raped, several times, by a man I thought I knew well...
I had just turned 15 years old, and I met someone online. Not the smartest thing, I know... But I was relatively new to the whole computers thing and thought it harmless. So, we talk to each other regularly, and I gave hime my number and he gave me his. We continued to talk via messanger or phone, until he suggested meeting up with me at my house. I didn't want to make him angry or disappoint him, so I agreed.
My mom would work 12 hour shifts, so I was home alot alone, as I have no siblings, and we arranged for him to come over then. A part of me protested, but I was heedless to it, thinking it was just me being nervous. I should have listened to that little warning.
Anyway, he showed up, and he was quite large. Not fat, but big, compared to me. He was at least 6'3" and his massiveness scared me into silence. We went into my room and started watching a movie, of which I still can't watch to this day, and at first nothing happened, to my relief. But that relief was short lived.
He started inching closer to me and trying to pull me closer. I was holding myself very still, not helping or protesting. But then he turned the movie off, and started trying to kiss me and at the same time pull down my pajama bottoms. I was so scared... Scared of what was going to happen, scared to put up a fight, but most of all scared of what he might do if I angered him. I cried, but he paid no attention as he dragged me to the edge of the bed. When he unzipped his pants, I knew there really was no getting out of it, that it was real, and not a terrible nightmare.
I still remember the pain of his intrusion. The humiliation as my body was revealed to such a person.
This went on for nearly 4 months. Until I just couldn't be scared into silence anymore. I went to the police, but nothing could be done. To this day I don't know why, but he still walks free. Shortly after the whole ordeal, I discovered something was not completely right with my body, so I went to the doctor to find out I had HPV, and Clamydia. We got rid of the Clamydia, but I'll always have the HPV.
I'm nearly 18 years old now, and have learned to accept what happened to me and move on, though I am still plagued with memories and nightmares from time to time. I guess our pasts' shape what we become today, so in a way I am grateful to what happened, for I have learned to fight and be strong. ...

ineedu · Newbie Joined: 27 Dec 2007 Posts: 1

its 4am and i am upset. I figured the computer is always a good escape for when i can't sleep at night. Why can't i sleep? fright, from the guy who took a part of me or so i feel. I am scared that he is going to come after me looking for me from a far away place. I know i need help but was hoping i could be strong enough to deal with it on my own. Plus i am in school and have a very busy life, not many friends involved Sad

but I have a loving boyfriend and family. The boyfriend knows the family does not. These stories helped me. I cried a lot after reading both. I don't know if it was because i am really sad or because i haven't slept for a few days. Here is my story: I was 20 and studying abroad. I was raped and close to being raped by his friend... I am more traumatized bc i think they were going to murder me.... or so he made me think for a brief second... either way... i don't really get flash backs i am more like petrified of people and the night and of course being alone... I haven't told my parents or anyone really except some friends and my boyfriend...it has been 2 years now. I had seen a doctor a few times but i just don't have the time anymore with my busy life.... I am wondering if there is any easier way out... any way to recover from fear on my own.. but at the same time.. what if .... and i'm upset because he;s still out there....

Life after being raped?! YES!

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