simone
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Joined: 23 Jul 2005
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 Posted: 10/06/06 - 05:04 Post subject: Long-term relationships require sex synchronization |
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How many times have you wondered if they lost interest in you, why they are not up to sex when you are and if something’s wrong with your relationship? When you started dating, both of you were full of desire for one another and sex was never a problem.
What has changed? Therapists call this desire discrepancy or being sexually out of synchronization with your partner. This doesn’t mean that there is no more lust or love, it simply means that your schedules are not the same and that your sexual desire is not triggered at the same time.
New relationships due to its novelty boost the hormones that inspire desire but as the relationship develops, the initial sparks slowly disappear and you go back to your normal levels of desire. In some people it is higher, in some lower. Your and your partner’s libido as well as any other person’s waxes and wanes at different times.
Therapists advise not to get worried and that desire discrepancy is normal part of a long-term relationship. However, you should not turn back to it as it may lead to distance, rejection and frustration on both sides.
The first thing you need to do is forget about the idea that both of you have to be feel desire for one another at the same time. Things work like that only in movies but not in the real life. You are two entities with different schedules and may not be in the mood for sex at the same time.
Actually, statistics say that only 50% of sexual experiences in happy relationships happen when both partners are in the desire.
What can be done? You can work at building bridges between one another and increasing your desire and intimacy. You should certainly talk about the timing and finding a solution. Pointing fingers is not good and talking usually pulls all the curtains away. Doing new and different things boost dopamine levels that increase passion. Find new things you can do together. Instead of having sex, lie next to each other and cuddle. This can bring as much pleasure and even more closeness than sex can. |
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