My Opiate Addiction, and road to recovery

BackToReality07 · Newbie Joined: 10 Jun 2007 Posts: 2

Hi, I started taking pills about 5 years ago. My girlfriend had a boob job and got a script for 50 ES 10/500 Hydros. She took one of them and was sick to her stomach. At the time I had tried them on a few occasions so she asked if I wanted them. Of course my answer was YES!!

I was there to take care of her after her surgery and for 5 days straight I just popped pills and made her food and helped her around. Watching movies, popping pills and drinking red wine became my favorite thing to do. Well after that I started buying them on the street and it was always either the yellow 10/325 norcs or the blue 10/500 percs.

It started innocently enough - a few a day, but before long I was up to about 15 a day. By then I was buying bottles of 1,000 norcs at a time from my guy. $2,500 each time. The key was, I would turn 700 of them to friends of mine at $3.50 each and make back $2,450, so I was paying $50 for 300 of them. This went on for years. One day, about a year and a half ago, I was introduced to Oxycontin.

I swallowed them at 1st until a friend told me to crush and snort them. I did just that, and became incredibly addicted to those as well. So, for the past year and a half I was snorting about 240mg of Oxy a day and eating about 7 or 8 norcs as well. It was pure hell. It wasn't fun anymore. That feeling was long gone.

Instead, it was about feeling as good as I possibly could (NORMAL, as we say) so I could go about my daily life, go to work, spend time with family, friends, sex life, etc, hoping no one would catch on to the fact that I had a serious addiction. For the past couple of months I have wanted to stop but was too afraid of the WD symptoms. I had not really experienced a complete WD from opiates up to that point.

I had been lucky, I always had enough on me whether it was norcs, percs, vikes, Oxy, etc. I always made sure of that. I would make sure that when I was down to about a 7 day supply, I would go into danger mode and call around until I got more. I never, ever did not have any on me. One time a few years ago I didn't have any all day until about 6pm and it was the worst I have ever felt in my life so I made sure that would never happen again, and it didn't.

Anyway, if you are still with me, about a month ago a dear friend of mine overdosed on Oxy. He was actually taking it for a legitimate back problem, never snorted it, just took too much one day and his heart gave out. I was shocked when I heard the news and it was that day that I realized what a selfish person I was.

He HAD to take them to walk. He didn't want to take them, he HAD to or he couldn't get out of bed in the morning and couldn't even take a walk with his wife. I didn't HAVE to take these things, I did it by choice, I had no pain, I just wanted to get high. I obviously became addicted and in my brain I THOUGHT I HAD to take them, but that is BullSh!t. That day I called and got an appointment with a Doc to figure out a plan.

My appointment wasn't until the following Wednesday (it was Friday at the time) so I made sure I had enough Oxy to get me through until that afternoon. I was 100% committed to Wednesday being my last day so I got rid of all the pills I had, and let everyone know that I no longer would have them so don't bother calling me unless it was regarding something else.

I saw the Doc, told him how much I was taking a day, was completely honest with him, and he gave me the choice to get on Suboxen. I said I was ready and after hearing exactly what they were ( I already knew cuz I had friends on them, but wanted to hear him out) I left, went and picked up my script, with a script on Klonpin to help for the first 24 hours, picked up a few movies, some red wine, and had some xanex too, and went home to deal with it.

I was fine that night, watched some movies, drank my wine, ate xanex and klonpin (sp?) and fell to sleep about 2:00 am. I wanted to sleep as late as possible but woke up at 6:00am already starting to feel pretty bad. I SO wanted to do a line of Oxy. At that very moment, it probably would have been the best line I had ever had in my life, but I made a promise to myself, to friends and a couple loved ones, and most importantly to my friend in Heaven who was there because he overdosed on them.

I poured another glass of wine and took 2mg of xanex. Believe it or not, I fell to sleep again pretty quickly but this time didn't wake up until noon. When I saw the clock I was so happy. By this time I felt terrible but I knew I only had to wait until about 4:00 before I could take the Subox. I just stayed in bed and turned on ESPN. For the last couple of hours I couldn't even move, it was horrible. I was going through withdrawal very badly and this was all new to me because I never really experienced it in all the years I used.

Well, 4:00 hit and as SOON as the clock went from 3:59 to 4:00 I put an 8mg Suboxen under my tongue. After about 20 minutes, I still felt terrible. By this time I was cursing myself for doing it, I was cursing the Doc, I was in a bad place. I thought this medicine was a joke and was not going to work on me. Then, like a light switch almost, I started to feel pretty good. I got out of bed, went out to my patio, lit up a smoke, and looked out at the ocean and started laughing. I felt so good I was in shock.

I felt better than I had in many, many years. I was so happy. The hell of the past 4 hours was gone. The hell of the past 5 years was gone. I was so hopeful that minute. That exact minute in time, I will remember it forever. I felt like myself again. This was 31 days ago, exactly. I have not taken a pill or snorted Oxy since then.

I know that 31 days is not that long, and I know there is still a much lengthier road ahead for me but I wanted to share my story for anyone who is contemplating getting off of opiates. I never thought I could do it. I was convinced I would be on them for the rest of my life.

Suboxen worked for me. Let me rephrase that, Suboxen has been working for me so far and I am very happy I made the choice. It was only a matter of time, I thought, before I would OD myself. If I did that to my family I would be the most selfish person in the world. I was prescribed 4 of them per day, then the taper down each week.

After the first week of only doing about 2 a day, I am down to less than one a day right now. I hope to be off of the Suboxen by July. That is the plan anyway, but I will see where I am and how I feel when that day arrives. I hope my struggle and how good I feel now is helpful to at least one person. If it is, then I am glad I wrote this. It gets better people. In all honesty, it gets much better. If I can do it, so can you. Have a wonderful evening.

Guest · Guest

We have just put my 25 yr. old son in detox. He had a 6 yr. Loratab habit (about 10 a day) and was scared to death of WD. He lost his job, his girlfriend, and hit rock bottom. We were shocked to find out he was an addict. Since he lived downstate, we don't see him much and never knew about his problem. He worked in a hospital for 18 months and none of his superiors knew either and they are supposed to be trained to know these things. I am angry and scared at the same time. I feel deceived, and since they don't let him call us very much at his rehab center, I don't know how he is fairing with his recovery. It is good to know that people can do the detoxing on their own. I hear that if you have a bedrock value system (self control, self-esteem, relationships with others, accomplisment and competence, and health) that your recovery can be completely successful and that is what I am hoping/praying for. I have always been able to balance and cope in whatever situation I am in, so it absolutely infuriates me that he couldn't be as strong. I hate what it has done to our family, it has made us so depressed, there is no sleep, no one eats, there's a lot of crying and some self-blame, although I know the choice was his. We have spent an enormous amount of money on the attorney (he committed a crime to get his Rx) and the rehab program. I hope his experience is as successful as yours and I hope we have a light at the end of the long dark tunnel, because our priority is getting him well again. God bless you for sharing and I hope you will continue to enjoy many lovely sunrises and sunsets enjoying your sobriety. Toni

Guest · Guest

i am a 22 year old single mom who has been addicted to lortab mainly for the best three years. I am sick of having this addiction and i am on day three of quitting cold turkey! my main problem is the achey legs! Can anyone please give me advice on how i can keep up and not relapse and get back onto pain killers?

My Opiate Addiction, and road to recovery

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