My big son is a pathological liar

vili · Newbie Joined: 18 Jul 2007 Posts: 3

Often my son of 17 years was lying me he didnt steal money from me, he is saying im loosing it adn i just like say he is the guilt. But at last he have no choice just to say me the truth. I dont know how to help him in saying me if he need money not to steal.

daisy33loca · Posted: 07/18/07 - 18:17 Post subject:

HE is at an age where he is just becoming an adult.... there are some suggestions I have for you.. but as only you know your son, use what you can.

I would try to have a sit down heart to heart with him. Speak openly about your feelings, about how his actions make you feel (distrust, frustration etc) and ask about how you can help him. Allow him time to speak his mind and do not interupt even when pies are obvious.

He is also at an age that he should have atleast a part time job, this is important for several reasons, it gives him greater personal responsability, acountability and helps him learn about finances and money managment.
That way he will not be so dependent on YOUR money but will have his own, therefore, when the money is gone, he will have to wiat until payday and then in turn learn to not spend money on silly and unimportant, frivolus things.

If his father is in the picture, the three of you should discuss things..

he is in fact ALMOST an adult and stealing from you is as equally wrong as if he stole from me! Stealing is stealing no matter if it is from you or someone else. Lieing about it make him seem not trust worthy and not on a good road at all.

During and after the talk...
Make him personally accountable, do not let him get away with it and sugar coat things for him because he is your son, it is up to you to shape this young man into a future adult, husband and father. He needs to learn integrity, honesty and personal accountability for his own self and his actions.
If you must punish him, even at his current age that is completly acceptable.. he is in fact lving under your roof correct? Even as an adult, he has to live by your house rules.

I would also, hide my valuables and if it gets out of hand, is he continues to steal I would get the athorities involved to speak with him. THat will scare him, possibly make him mad, BUT sometimes that is what they need. (even at far younger ages) The police or sherriffs officers will speak with him adult to adult using frank and legal terms to enlighten him on the reality of what the consequenses of his actions are.

I know this sounds harsh.. but I believe as a parent and very observant on life today.. once the adults got too soft with the children.. society went down the toilet... it is time as parents (I am also one) we must grab our kids by the reins and teach them right from wrong no matter how hard it is or harsh it can get. Stop the small stuff now so he doesn't get out of control as an adult in the real world. (It starts small)

Thanks for reading.. I will keep you in my thoughts!

Jenn

vili · Newbie Joined: 18 Jul 2007 Posts: 3

Thank u Jeny u made time to helping me, realy i was overwelmed with all his bad actions, was not the first time when he was stealing. And all the time i was toild him my feelings about it and i advertised is dangerous for his future to do so. And yes i was already to go to police. And too i told him if he doesnt respect the rules of my home, he will be out from it, and i dont care what he will do. I told him if he will go in jail for it i will not search him there, i never taught him to steal. All the time i told better to ask like to steal. His father was the same in his youngness, and was the black sheep in his family because of it, i think a little bit is cleptomaniac. And i told to his father to help him, but he didnt come ato talk with him. We are divorced. Now he is working in this vacation and he told me will give me back the money. Thank u very much Jeny!

daisy33loca · Posted: 07/19/07 - 07:33 Post subject:

you are very welcome!!

My big son is a pathological liar

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