My husband masturbating normal?

shepard4222 · Newbie Joined: 26 Mar 2006 Posts: 1

Hey, I've been married to my husband for two years now and we have an 8 month old together. I've recently discovered that he's been going in the bathroom and masturbating. When I caught him in the act he lied and when I caught him afterward he lied too. That bothers me so much! Does he prefer his stinkin hand over me? Am I not good enough for him? He won't tell me anything and he won't admit to it. Why lie if it's so harmless? I even once told him I wanted to have sex, he said he wasn't in the mood, which is completely fine. But, then he went into the bathroom and I caught him. He doesn't realize how insulting that is. And I told him I want a vibrator and he ignores me. Is it normal for him to Masturbate so much?

T-Dog · Newbie Joined: 22 Mar 2006 Posts: 27

99% of men masturbate, the other 1% lies about it.
There's nothing wrong with your husband masturbating, all guys do it.
He lied because he was embarrassed.

Now, choosing masturbation over sex with you is a definite red flag.
You two need to communicate about this.

My masturbating is always secondary to sex with my wife.

Guest · Guest

I agree that he lied because he was embarrassed but is he athletic? Maybe he gets tired too early during sex and doesn't want to have quickies and leave you wanting more. I know if I had a partner right now I would have to hit the gym or have her get on top the whole way. I'm strong but I need cardio excercise BAD.

Guest · Guest

The other question is what kind of shape are you in?

I hate the be the @$$hole of the group here but many many women let themselves go after they have kids. So if I were you I would do three things (but not one without the other)

#1 Look yourself in the mirror and see if you can tell yourself you look the same as you did two years ago and keep a straight face.
#2 Communicate: be the coolest wife ever and say "this is not a trick question, do you think I need to get in shape."
#3 Suck it up.

ON THE OTHER HAND, if you are in shape. then just communicate.

mf · Newbie Joined: 14 May 2008 Posts: 2

I think sometimes his wife giving birth can be harder for the man to come to terms with than it is for her.

Throughout the whole process, he is an onlooker, and yet it changes everything. Sure, he had some part to play in conception, but it can be quite a shock to learn, quite out of the blue, that 3 months after a 'quickie' in the backseat of the car, this little person is coming into the world and it's all because of you! There is a hiatus between cause and effect that can be hard to come to terms with.

And don't forget that sex is still a taboo subject in our culture. It is still regarded by many as something quite shameful and 'dirty'. Which is why I think some men find it hard to reconcile in the one person (his wife), the idea of the mother/virgin on the one hand and the sexual urges he has on the other.

There she is, his wife, this goddess, this sacred vessel of life, who has by dint of some miracle no one can properly understand brought into the world his beautiful son/daughter. He is still having sexual urges, but suddenly has no idea what he should be doing with them.

Maybe he fears that to have sex with you would be somehow to desecrate you, 'pollute' you with these dirty impulses he's been having.

It might be the complete opposite, however - maybe if he witnessed the birth first-hand, he was so repulsed by the fleshly reality of it, by all the gunk the baby came out covered in, all wrinkled like a ninety-year old midget, that it has put him off sex.

The point is, when you are speculating about such things, it can be argued either way.

If you really want to know why he is masturbating rather than having sex with you, you have to talk to him about it.

And as for whether it's 'normal' or not, that's a moot point. It is clearly upsetting you, and so the situation needs sorting out.

My advice is to talk to him. Don't start off by confronting him with the 'evidence', and trying to force him into a 'confession'. From the sounds of it, he's already feeling defensive about it - ashamed - and bullying him will only reinforce his defensive behaviour, and make it harder for you to communicate with one another. Just talk to him about it, calmly, casually, like it's no big deal, like it's nothing for him to be ashamed of (it's not).

He will only open up to you about it when he feeling safe from recrimminations or blame.

bbfeet9 · Posted: 05/15/08 - 18:13 Post subject:

Like everyone says, it is normal for a guy to masterbate. I would have a problem if he refused me sexually.
I'm guessing that he may be tired from work all day. Instead of doing his thing with you, trying to be considerate of what you like, taking the time and energy to make you happy sexually, going thru the motions in the bedroom which takes a while (at least it should) and trying to do all the things that you like, he just takes matters into his own hands (sorry) and gets the job done for himself. It doesn't take much effort for him to masterbate and it's probably over in a shorter amount of time that it would take to satisfy you.
As far as a vibrater goes, go get one. He doesn't need your in put on his masterbation so why should you?
Are you on birth control? Some dads don't want to take the chance of having another baby so soon.
Try and really get a firm hold on him and make him tell you what's up, (sorry again)
If you cought him in the act, he really can't lie to you. Catching him red handed is demeaning to him. That is something we do in private not thinking we are gonna get cought.

My husband masturbating normal?

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