Pregnancy after rape, abortion or not?

iluvafrica87 · Newbie Joined: 09 Apr 2007 Posts: 1

I am 18 and currently 5 months pregnant after being raped by someone who sexually abused me for 6 years. I am keeping her because it's NOT her fault. She shouldn't pay for her "father"'s mistake, she still deserves a life, and abortion only adds MORE trauma to being raped. You don't get to decide what is life or not, life is life and this is something amazing from a horrible situation.

Guest · Guest

i am very sorry you were raped. that is horrible. i think you should have an abortion if you feel that its right for you. there is also adoption you could think about. again, i am very sorry for what happened to you.

Mlynn · Newbie Joined: 06 Aug 2007 Posts: 10

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this horrible event. Don't make your decision based on the oppinions of other people on a message board - many of which have NEVER been in your shoes....and have ZERO idea of anything that you are facing or will face in the future. As a person who was sexually abused as a child (too young to get pregnant) and now struggles with Borderline PD and PTSD (both of which I need to resolve before I can raise HEALTHY children) I will offer you a bit of advice. Please don't make this decision on your own. This is a crippling decision - and after a sexual crime you are not in the right mind frame to be making huge life altering choices. Please find a rape counseling center - a rape crisis center - or a therapist who can help you deal with the issues with the rape - before you make a decision about the abortion.

I understand how a million thoughts can go through your head that make everything cloudy - you might not even trust your own judgement - and you might be very confused, feel very ashamed and guilty, and like you don't deserve to be cared for - or that you are "bad" and deserved what you got exc. I am so sorry. This only adds to the confusion about the pregnancy - a HUGE decision and life altering event - with out the added violation of FORCED pregnancy via rape. Forced gestation would be another rape of your body. If you CHOOSE to carry this pregnancy to term make sure it is of YOUR OWN FREE WILL not because someone told you abortion is bad, or that you are a bad person, or guilted, shamed, or manipulated you into birthing this baby. Don't fall for the "needy infertile couples" line. It's BS. You don't owe ANYONE your body or your uterous just because they are infertile. You didn't cause thier infertility - it isin't your responsibility to cure it. Your responsibility is to your own body and if you continue with the pregnancy then to the best intrest of the born baby. Nancy and Joe Schmoe down the street who have been trying to have a baby for 5 years shouldn't be the reason you make a decision like abortion, parenting, or adoption. YOU (and then the baby if you choose birth over abortion) are the only priority(s). You can't make HUGE choises for YOUR life that will ONLY affect YOU (and your body/baby) on the wishes of some third person.

Guest · Guest

I agree with the person that said you should put it up for adoption.
I think this because people shouldn't get an abortion unless its last
resourse. I think putting the child up for adoption would be the best
thing for you to do, give the child a chance.

sadsis · Newbie Joined: 06 Dec 2007 Posts: 1

Wow, Mlynn! I have never heard such a clear and concise perspective on abortion vs. pregnancy vs. adoption. I just found out that my sister is pregnant after being raped, and I hope I have the opportunity to share your words with her. It is indeed frustrating to watch different groups try to influence her decision, which, as you said, is hers and hers alone.

All I can hope for is the patience and tolerance to accept whatever decision she makes. I can't even imagine what it is like to go through such a trauma, and my heart truly goes out to all who have been victims of this horrendous crime.

I hope that other people can find tolerance in their hearts for these women as well, and work to help stop sexual crimes in the first place. It isn't fair to place victims in the middle of the pro-choice/pro-life debate; their tragedy is not license for politicizing by anyone. It is abundantly clear to me now that the effects of choosing ANY of the available options are far-reaching, serious, and potentially negative; therefore, the most moral choice may not be the most obvious one, and must be left up to the woman to make.

lylac19 · Newbie Joined: 07 Dec 2007 Posts: 7

honesty i dont know what to tell you .. i had an abortion and what killed me about it is that i love my boyfriend and he loves me my baby was made in LOVE ..

yous wasnt .. im a firm beliver everything happens for a reason .. the chioce is yours what woudl you be able to live with ..

reply i would like to kow what your deicision was ??

Guest · Guest

Dear Lady,

I've just been researching this very topic when I found your post. The research indicates that the trauma from an abortion would last even longer than the trauma from the rape. Please get some counselling at a crisis pregnancy center to help you through this difficult time. You have the power to choose this time and to feel right about your choice. I don't think that terminating our pregnancy will make you feel right. Do consider adoption as a real option that wil allow the child to live and you to heal. From the research I've been reading, this is the most compassionate choice you can make for yourself, as it will aid your won recovery. I will be praying that you find God's love and healing in your life and that the people arround you will love and support you as well.

Guest · Guest

Hi, I can understand how you feel, I was molested by my grandfather for years. and raped I am 38 and will never have a child of my own.
I feel that a baby is a gift from GOD. If you don't won't to keep the baby there are a lot of woman who can't have a child and would love to have your child. There are always other options. My sister aborted at the age of 17 and to this day she cries because she wonders what the baby would be like if. There will always be alot of if's. Don't have a abortion with out looking inside your self and knowing that if you do this you will have to live with it for the rest of your life. You will wonder if it will be a little girl or a little boy. No mater what this baby is apart of you no matter what and God choose you to give the gift of life.
Patricia

caramel245 · Newbie Joined: 31 May 2008 Posts: 1

Hi there, How can you live life knowing that when you were raped and you bear the child. but what if the child would be coming from a first cousin who seems to have a sick obsession. I was raped last month two weeks later found out I was pregnant and to be honest it is a terrible thing but I chose the abortion. it is against the to rape and to matters worse raping blood relation is 14 years prision time. I don't belive in abortion I never thought that in my life time that I would ever do it. It has hard but at the end the day a women who has been raped needs to regain her sanity, rape is something that never goes away in a women's thoughts and to bring life from it makes matters worse. I see my self going crazy the constant crying, the constant reliving the rape.. To be honest a women needs to do what is good for in healing and how her heart feels. with this abortion that I had I felt everything from the rape that was painful now imagine giving birth. I have a beautiful child who three I also have to think of her life. Life gives youlots of hard choices but God still loves you. remember that rape is not your fault

Guest · Guest

I was raped about a month ago. I found out that I was pregnant three days ago. I can choose to be anger or I can move forward. I choose to move forward with God's help--step by step. This baby is innocent. It has a heart beat that I created. It knows nothing of the terror I endured and will enter this world safe and secure. My decision is not and will never be about deciding whether or not to have an abortion. It is whether I can love it unconditionally and raise it in the love and admonition of the Lord or whether I should allow another family to adopt it and provide for it in ways I--a single adult--could not.

Do not kill your child. Love it.

Pregnancy after rape, abortion or not?

LIFEFORM SOCIAL COMMUNITY NETWORK