Premature Ejaculation - help to overcome

Guest6787 · Newbie Joined: 06 Sep 2007 Posts: 4

Im a 20 year old male, and recently have been experiencing this. My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 8 months now, and she was my first. In the beginning I did have a little trouble, but not like I do now. the first couple months of having sexual intercourse it didnt last long, maube 5 or 10 minuets, later in the relationship after a few months I could hold myself from ejaculation for about 30-minuets to an hour, which was fine and I felt that I could finally learn to cope with controlling my senses.

After the summer break, she lives about 12 hr drive from out college, we had sex for the first time in months, and it was also fine. To put it blatantly it was awesome and we had sexual intercourse a lot in the span of 3 or 4 days. But then after a few days of not having sex, i started to come way to early.
After some foreplay we would begin having sex and after only a few entries I had to pull out to stop myself from ejaculating. I didnt understand it. I thought maybe it was just that one time, but its happened repeatetly since then.

From what I can tell, its due to a lack of masturbation, which quiet honestly I usually get done, but since shes been back ive been staying with here and I dont really have the opportunity, and now with school we can only have sex every few days.

I also think that it maybe stress and anxiety from school. But the feeling from sex just seems so much more intense that I cant help but going to early.

I dont really ask this question for the sex, but because its so frustrating and emabressing. And after trying something and I get very very frustrated my girlfriend gets just at frustrated at me. I know if you are in a relationship with sex, good sex can strengthen it even further. I love my girlfriend and its not about the sex, its the frustration that it causes. She is very understanding and does not get angry or upset, although maybe a little sexually frustrated, but who can blame here.

but any tips or advice to get back what I had in the past would be amazing. and I hope this wasnt too long. Also please rememeber I got to an engineering school, grammar isnt one of my priorities, haha

thanks!

Upton O'Goode · Silver Member Joined: 30 Jul 2007 Posts: 174

There are a lot of things that can cause this. Stress is a likely candidate, so do try to get that under control. Stress management is a skill that will serve you for a lifetime even if it isn't the root of your sexual problem.

Recognize that this issue itself appears to be causing you some anxiety, which, in turn, exacerbates the problem. This might explain why, after one incident, you appear to have gotten "stuck" in this vicious cycle, which means you may not really have a problem at all. The first time was "one of those things," and the rest were the result of your anxiety about it.

Everybody has these episodes now and then. It's called "getting lost in the moment." Most women are okay with that if it only happens rarely. It lets them think that they have the power to make you lose control, which, of course, they do. It also gives them a chance to bust your chops, so you should learn to accept that good-naturedly and treat the whole thing humorously. Laughter is a great stress-reliever.

If it seems a little more serious, here's a technique the two of you can use: when you feel the premonitory sensation, stop moving immediately. Don't withdraw immediately because that can set you off; just wait a minute, then withdraw, and have your partner squeeze the shaft of your penis firmly between her thumb and forefinger (no nails!) either just in back of the glans or at the base, just enough to apply firm pressure, not pain. You'll feel your excitation level decrease significantly, so you can start over. Eventually you'll get your control back.

You might hear the suggestion to start by having oral sex to climax, then foreplay until you regain your erection, then intercourse. While you'll definitely last longer the second time around, I don't recommend this. Not only will it make you tired, but it actually trains you to reach orgasm faster. I'm not saying never have a double-header. They're fun (especially with two girls), but it's not the best solution to your problem, and it can develop into a pattern that you're dependent on, but which your girlfriend will get tired of. Girls like variety.

Another trivial thing that can cause premature ejaculation, I've recently discovered, is urinary urgency. That's a fancy way of saying, "needing to pee." It's probably not your problem, but I thought it might be worth mentioning.

Upton O'Goode · Silver Member Joined: 30 Jul 2007 Posts: 174

One more thing I forgot to add:

It sounds like you've got a real loving, understanding girl there, and since she knows your track record, I'm sure she'll cut you some slack. With all that you've got going for you, you're definitely going to be fine.

Premature Ejaculation - help to overcome

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