anorexia can t lose weight after recovery

I was anorexic for a bout 8 years dropping to 49lbs at my lowest point...i am 5' 9.
I have been in recovery for 10 years and its pretty safe to say that my metabolism has never gone back to normal.
I only eat vegetables, lean meat and high fibre cereals. I weight 154lbs now and cannot lose weight despite excercising regularly and having a relatively low fat percentage 22% and high muscle mass.
I was told that my thyroid is low but the doctor will not prescribe medication as I was anorexic.
I suffer from panic attacks, depression and a whole list of other conditions related to hypothyroidism.
I would go back and pester your doctor for help, and other tests rather than the blood ones...unfortunately they do not do these in the UK.

I am so glad I stumbled upon this thread. I am a "recovered" anorexic...five years now, but I still feel that any moment I could slip back into it. Like many of you, I gained all the weight I lost back, and then some. Technically, I'm 5 lbs over the "upper limit" for my weight range. It was so strange, within a one year time span I had my whole family focused on me, telling me to eat more...and then once I gained weight back they went right back into telling me to 'work out more', 'eat less, 'eat healthy'...just like the did pre-anorexia. It's like they don't realize that they could trigger me any moment. My dad can't have a 2 minute phone conversation without asking me if I worked out that day. It's really painful to think that he wants me to change so much.

I want to lose weight too, I was much happier when I was thinner but I'm VERY scared to get back into that restrictive pattern again. I lost all my friends (as I wouldn't go out to restaurants), had to stop my hobbies (horseback riding, crew, etc) because the doctors wouldn't let me walk more than 15 minutes. I don't know how to lose weight without it turning into my life. I have a very difficult time living in the 'gray'...everything is black and white. I've tried doing the 'gray' thing by slowly building up my working out time or eliminating some bad foods but I don't stick with it because it doesn't feel drastic enough and I don't see results.

You are not alone!!!! I am a recovering anorexic - 14 years now - and while there isn't a day that passes that I don't count out what I eat, I am healthy and sound. In the beginnings of my recovery I gained about 30 pounds, which lurched me into bulimia, and really wreaked havoc on my self esteem and my teeth. My recovery from that was even more of a struggle, but I somehow pulled through, and the strong will of an anorexic/bulimic can do that!!!

Anyway, I started making positive promises to myself. If you can't keep a promise to yourself, who can you promise anything to really?! And that was that I would go for a walk, or a light jog, and I promised myself I would stop worrying about the numbers on the scale. Eventually I promised myself I would stop the scale altogether. Its a long road in recovery. Promise yourself you will get there.

As far as the weight gain goes, it eventually crept back down until I felt comfortable with the reflection in the mirror. Until I felt comfortable in my clothes again. You see, you have deprived yourself for so long that your body is doing its best to preserve itself and your metabolism is hanging on because it doesn't know whether you're going to stop allowing it nutrition again. Train it back into being normal. And promise yourself to be healthy.

You can do it. One of the traits of an anorexic/bulimic is that they are strong willed and determined. Make your determination to be healthy...promise yourself...you will get there. I lost 15 pounds and found myself at a healthy weight.

I am a healthy professional now. I promised myself I would be. I am fit. I promised myself I would be. I am a healthy weight again. I promised myself I would be. I run marathons now. They take me about four hours. There isn't one time that I have run one that I've thought if I didn't have my current body, I couldn't do this!!!

Nicki

Hello!
I just want to thank everybody for sharing their stories now.
I've never accepted to be an anorexic but I did obsess with food for about 6 years. I would lose 10- 15 ponds and then gain them again (yo-yo dieting).
It was not until last December that I was at my lowest and I looked very skinny that I got people alarmed. I'm 5 1' and I was 92 pounds. I felt really weak. I was really depressed. I would get bruises all over my body for no reason. My legs were constantly numb and I stopped getting a period.
I got really scared when I didn’t get my period. Actually I got only 2 periods in 12 months after being completely regular. So I started to eat again to get my period back. I binged on junk food all the time. And then I would diet for 5 days or so.
Well....just like everybody else in the forum has described I guess we all go through the same thing when suffering from this.
Long story short from December last year to October I went from 92 ponds to 117. This is the heaviest I have ever been. None of my clothes fit me, it is really depressing. I do not want to see anybody its kind of embarrassing!
The Good news is:
I managed to keep a healthy diet (I still binge sometimes )
My period is back!
I don’t feel that weak
Depression is a lot better (I still get my bad days)

So I just hope that I can go back to my normal weight that is 105. I am a small girl.
This is just sad that all of us had to go through this. I really think that we all as a society need to modify our eating habits and we should all be aware of what we put on our mouths. Nurturing our body is the most important thing!
Its hard to stay positive but I will try my best! Good Luck to everyone!

Everyone's stories is similiar to mine. I was anorexic for about 3 1/2 years and also an obsessive exerciser and am now fully recovered even though I feel the pull to go back to my old habits.
When I had hit my lowest weight and was exercising about 3 hours daily, my body started changing. It started gaining weight with no apparent reason! Needless to say I freaked out! I stopped eating around 250-300 calories a day to about 100-200, and I even upped my exercising! But I still kept gaining. In about 3 months I had gained 40 lbs.! My mind couldnt accept what my body was doing and I begain bingeing, all the while still gaining weight.
I finally got the help i needed and recovered but my weight kept creeping up slowly. It has been two years and I am at my heaviest ever. Despite exercising 5 days a week for an hour only, and eating healthy (not obsessing), I cannot lose weight!!
I have been to the dr and they have checked for many causes including thyroid! Does anyone have any ideas what it could be? Have I just wreaked havoc on my metabolism? Thanks

I just read your post and would be interested in learning more about your story. I am a producer on MTV's "True Life" and we are producing an episode on people with body issues. I think your story might be of some particular interest. If you would be interested in participating in our documentary, please send me a bit more about yourself and a contact number to newbody@mtvn.com

you must be 18-26 and reside in the US. thanks!

I was also anorexic for 3 years. Then i went to college and gained freshmen 15 but lost 5 during winter break. And then 2nd semester and on i gained 55 pounds. I was defintely overweight. It took me 3 years to lose 30 pounds and now i wanna lose 10-15 more but i cant lose it. I eat really healthy, rarely have any "bad" sugar and i used to workout an hr a day 5/6 days a week. I have a LOT of muscle and i wanna lose it bc my legs look manly. But if i dont workout then ill gain fat. There is no way i can be stuck at this weight when i was so think before. Im not saying i wanna weigh 100pounds again but i cant be this weight. Does anyone know what i can do or to who i can go??

I have also 'recovered' from anorexia.
I am 15 years old, about 5'4...
I weighed around 90-ish pounds before people started catching on.
I was forced to eat.
Inevitably, I started gaining back the weight I had lost.
I weigh about 125 now, and am extremely unhappy.
I have a lot of friends, and a good family.. But I hate myself for being so fat...
My body has 'recovered' from ana, but my mind hasn't.
I want to be thin again, but for some odd reason.. I can not bring myself to hating myself to the extent that I won't eat,
I can only bring myself to hating myself to the extent of eating large, ridiculous amounts.
Its like my body has an aversion to dieting of any sort... Even the healthy, slow kind!

I don;t know what I'm going to do.
I don;t want to be around anyone, because i feel fat and gross...
I was the beautiful, thin friend for a while...
Now I'm the little 'average' girl. (average is chunky... We all know that.)
Guys don't like me anymore,
after an 8 month relationship ended, and when my recovery from Ana started, I had no idea what to do.
I can't just 'be' anymore.
I gave up all my hobbies, I'm not doing well in school, I'm angry or depressed all the time.. I'm not ME.
I WAS happy.
I would much rather live a short, happy life...
rather then a long, painful one.

Ana gives you a short, painful life, don't get me wrong...
But, I just WISH I could start losing weight.
Just be a HEALTHY weight,
skinny, but healthy...
SO I CAN MOVE ON.
MOVE ON, AND GET OUT OF THIS HELL.



I need help.
how do I shed 15 pounds? How can I do it??

Hi there-
I have been in treatment/recovery for a little over six months now. I was so relieved to find this page as I can completely relate to everyone who has posted. However, it also scares me to realize how long this slippery slope will last. I just can't believe what my body is going through.

I too was anorexic for about 3 1/2 years and also an obsessive exerciser and am now on my way to full recovery even though I feel the pull to go back to my old habits. I still eat very healthfully and exercise at least five days a week, now that I've gotten those privileges back. The problem is I'm STILL gaining weight, up almost 50lbs from my lowest 75-125. And I truly HATE this body. I wear sweatpants everyday because I refuse to keep buying bigger sizes, you can imagine how good that makes me feel. Truly ugly.

I'm so blessed to have the most amazing husband that has every walked this earth. He solely pulled me through this, and continues to keep me going everyday. He is the only person I feel truly comfortable with.

I also have a great family and good friends. That being said, I can't help but feel judged, even by them. I feel like they are thrown off by the amount of weight gain and feel like I'm overboard the other way. My therapist says that is just the my self consciousness talking, but I just feel different and abnormal around everyone I love, other than my husband.

I used to be excited to go out, be social, see everyone knowing that I was confident in myself. Now for the first time in my life I feel more comfortable around strangers who never knew me at my thinnest. I panic when family/friends events are coming up, so bad that I usually can't go. Anti-depressants didn't help that.

I just want to be my normal size, not this blown up version or the past teeny tiny version, but it is becoming increasingly obvious that no amount of exercise or normal eating is going to do that. It’s like at this point I have two choices, either fat or anorexic. I would say it’s not fair, but I also know that I did it to myself. I just wish I never did that and I could just go back to when I was normal and healthy and erase all the years of anorexia, it wasn’t worth this. I don’t know how to live in this body. I just want my body back so badly.

What if it even still gets worse? I’m just so incredibly scared.

i know exactly what you all mean.

i was anorexic.

i had reached my goal weight and continued to go lower and i thought that i was eating normally. like some of you, if i ate i ate soo much and when i didn't i wouldn't touch food for ages. this compleltey messed up my metabolism and i really regret getting into all of this. but i have gained about 22 pounds and am in the normal section for my BMI where i previously was underweight and i feel terrible. i felt so much better when i was lighter. it is as if i have gained the weight and i look like i have got over my illness but psychologically i am still just as bad. i really want to lost a stone because then i would be still in the normal weight section but a little bit light which would make me feel better. but i can't. i can't control what i eat and i seem to gain weight so quickly. does anyone know how i can lose that weight??