Obsessive jealousy

 

It could be very difficult to explain what jealousy exactly is! Most of the experts agree that jealousy is an emotion by one who perceives that another person is giving something that he or she feels is due to them to an alternate. There are several examples of jealousy everywhere around us. For example, a child may become jealous when their parents give sweets to brother or sister but not to them. An adult may become jealous if their lover is flirting with someone else. Although, a small amount of this jealousy is not considered to be pathological- this emotion, when seriously expressed, can invade every relationship, whether it be with husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, brothers, sisters, mothers or fathers. One form of jealousy is called delusional jealousy! Delusional jealousy or Othello syndrome is a psychiatric disorder in which a person thinks that their spouse or sexual partner is being unfaithful. In most cases, a jealous person may have acquired this behavior through past experiences with girlfriends or boyfriends. Logically- if someone have already been cheated on, this may cause to be more possessive and controlling of her for fear of repetition. But, in most cases, jealousy is a byproduct of one's own issues with self-confidence and self-esteem.  

When it comes to someone feeling jealous without apparent cause the number one reason is simple - fear. The person that is jealous may not see it this way or be willing to admit it at first -but at the core of almost all jealousy is a fear that they may lose their partner and their needs for love, friendship and affection will no longer be met. The second ingredient that is almost always present when someone is jealous in a relationship is a lack of trust. This can either be a lack of trust in their partner because of past actions or a lack of trust in their partner's ability to make conscious choices and decisions about their conduct when they are with other people.

Some experts strictly distinguish between jealousy and envy on the ground that jealousy involves the wish to keep what one has, and envy the wish to get what one does not have. To oversimplify, jealousy is angry, envy is wistful. Jealousy is destructive, envy rarely is.

Some even claim a distinction between jealousy and envy insofar as while envy is the carnal desire to possess something that is not yours, jealousy is the righteous feeling that one has towards that which is rightly his. Envy is the desire for something in general, whereas jealousy is the desire to have something in particular, and to take it from someone else. For this reason, some have suggested that jealousy most centrally concerns one's perception of oneself.

The fact is that scientific research has not clearly established a link between jealousy and self-esteem although several experts are saying that there is a strong link! Some studies suggest lower self-esteem is related to higher jealousy while other studies suggest no relationship between jealousy and self-esteem.

Although not too many people think about jealousy on this way- this could be an important point. Several psychiatric studies have came to the conclusion that feelings of jealousy always appear to stem from one's sense that something about their life is not secure. In some cases, the insecurity is not founded on realistic dangers to the relationship and if that is really the case, then the jealous partner may wish to consider where the insecurities are coming from. Of course, solving those sorts of insecurities isn't easy, but until a person does it- he or she will continue to face those feelings.  

The fact is that, by the late 1960s and the 1970s, jealousy, particularly sexual jealousy, had come to be seen as irrational and shameful among participants of free love. People who practice these non-exclusive sexual relationships believe that they ought not to be jealous, sought to banish or deny jealous reactions to their partners' sexual involvement with others. Many found this unexpectedly difficult. But it is important to point out that for some -conscious blocking of the jealous reaction is relatively easy from the start, and over time the reaction can be effectively extinguished.

Although, most of the people don’t approve this- several studies suggest that jealousy may be reduced in multilateral relationships. Contemporary practitioners of what is now called multiple intimate relationships for the most part treat jealousy as an inevitable problem, best handled by accommodation and communication.

 

Delusional jealousy or Othello syndrome is a psychiatric disorder in which a person holds a delusional belief that their spouse or sexual partner is being unfaithful. The Othello syndrome is also known as delusional jealousy, erotic jealousy syndrome, morbid jealousy, Othello psychosis, or sexual jealousy. It is proven that this syndrome may appear alone or in the course of paranoid schizophrenia, alcoholism, or cocaine addiction.

 

It is characterized by:

·         recurrent accusations of infidelity,

·         searches for evidence,

·         repeated interrogation of the partner,

·         tests of partner's fidelity,

·         stalking

 

 

Big problem is that an affected person typically makes these accusations based on insignificant or minimal evidence. They may also frequently monitor their partner’s behavior and movements. This may be taken to extremes. There is no doubt- it is more often found in males than females.

Important thing to know is that delusional jealousy has a strong association with violence. 

Some studies have also came to the interesting fact that the constant accusations and suspicion from the delusional partner have driven some partners to actually have an affair.

 

It is important that person do not deny jealousy, but rather to deal with it. If someone founds that has problems with jealousy, what she or he can you do to solve it?

 

It is proven that one of the biggest mistakes that jealous person can make is to try and hide it. It is important to figure out that jealousy is usually a signal of something needing fixing. Ignoring usually only makes things worse. Jealous persons should ask them selves next questions:

Once when person figures out what the reason of discomfort is, then it's appropriate to ask if these fears are well-founded. If a jealous person is pretty sure that fears are unwarranted, but he or she just feel insecure anyhow- she should try to change in order to avoid these situations in the future!

Sometimes jealous feelings can be triggered because we have unspoken expectations of our partner that aren't met. Then you may find it helpful to sometimes ask your partner how they feel about that and, by clarifying your partners intentions, you'll be less likely to end up feeling disappointed and hurt. The fact is that there is a lot of hope in being able to change ourselves, whether we are working on our personal defects of character, or if we just need to change our attitude.

Some useful tips are:

It is important to look at how your behavior affected past relationships. You may soon discover that these frequent suspicions are the cause of your troubled love life. Then- it would be good to realize that getting upset with her for no reason won't help your situation.

There is no doubt- it is crucial to focus on what is really happening, not what you perceive to be happening. This is because with time, person may end up having difficulty distinguishing fact from fiction.

Every jealous person should realize that the partner chose you for a reason and there is no need for her to be so easily tempted elsewhere.  

It could be very useful to ask a good friend to take note of your behavior around your girlfriend. It may help you to fully understand the extent of your actions. Neutral perspective is the most objective criteria!

 

There is no doubt- therapy can be another good way of dealing with unfounded internal fears, especially. Unfortunately, there is often a stigma attached to doing something like this but every person should know that if someone is seeing a therapist- it doesn’t make him or her- bad or broken. Sometimes it’s helpful to avoid some sorts of situations, or to at least distract yourself from the elements of the situation that cause you to feel jealous.  

 

Although, this isn't the most common case- it is fact that some patients with pathological jealousy have a predominant obsessional component to their jealous thoughts. Since obsessions and compulsions often respond to medications called serotonin reuptake blockers, these drugs may also be useful for obsessional jealousy. That’s why-it is proven that obsessional jealousy has phenomenological similarities to other obsessions and compulsions, and therefore- jealousy may respond to standard anti-obsessional medications.