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Jul 21, 2006
Overprotective parents
by SirGan
 The fact is that there are just too many overprotective parents today! Of course- sometimes it isn't difficult to understand this because- when a child is born, it seems so fragile that it is only natural for parents to feel fiercely protective, but –how to know how much is just too much? While it is good to be protective, good parent should know where to draw the line so as to not step into child's individual space. In the long run, it could stifle your child's growth.Everyone knows that parents should shield their children from all conceivable harm, but for how long and to what extent? It seams that parents just need to remember that children do grow up and that they cannot expect their children to hold parent’s hand forever as they make their way through life. Simply putted- parents should accept that scratches, cuts, bruises, and broken limbs are all a part of childhood. Several researches done on this subject have shown that parents who constantly run interference between their children and the real world are actually doing more harm than good.
Perfect parentsWhat should perfect parents look like- that’s the right question? Some experts are saying that the best kind of parenting is called "smother love”, which means that in this case- parents allow for a gradual progression of increasing independence. Of course, we are not talking about total independence and discipline, rules, standards and expectations are applied in direct ratio to age. It is reasonable that, in younger years, children need a great deal of guidance and control in order, but as they grow in maturity and experience, they are capable of making more choices for themselves. When they are young- this isn't a case- but when they reach certain age- they begin to deal with the consequences of their mistakes. Most of the experts believe that the parent who tries to protect the child totally from this process does the young person no favor. That is a tragic experience for both the parents and the young person.
Inappropriate fears – symptoms of overactive parentingIt could be very inappropriate to say that all fears felt by parents are over-exaggerated but how does a parent know if he or she is being unnecessarily fearful for his or her child’s safety? Overprotective parents are those who:
Parent Point of View- "We just want what is best for you"Almost everyone as a child has heard the common phrase is "We just want what is best for you". The fact is that this is usually what the parents are actually trying to accomplish. Overprotective parents often try to keep their children from experiencing pain or failure. But the thing is that some parents know where to cut off a child’s limits but some parents go too far and don’t give their children enough privileges. That’s the biggest problem!
Goals of overprotective parenting:
Although parents need some behavior corrections -it’s not always the parents' fault. Sometimes it is the child’s problem for not seeing the situation correctly or just not wanting to listen to their parents anymore.
Child Point of ViewSeveral researches done in the past have shown that kids often view their parents as old and that they have forgotten what its like to be young and have fun. Reasonably- when parents tell a child that they aren’t allowed to do something it will usually send a message to the child telling them that their parents don’t trust them and that they can’t make good decisions on their own. This is the biggest problem. Parents should know that sometimes their children don’t realize what they are doing is really dumb and that they are right in telling them that they aren’t allowed to something. Most of the psychologists are saying that the behind all this is a child’s wish that their parents' trust that they are doing the right thing and they want the chance to prove that they can stand on their own.
Over-protectiveness with older childrenEvery parent should know some things about over-protectiveness with older children. Proven fact is that older children most often do not see parental behavior as stemming from love and concern, but they rather believe that their parents just do not trust them to be sensible and responsible. Most of the psychologist believe that these older children can react to their parents’ excessive fear in one of two ways:
Are you over-protective?Here are some test questions which should help you to see are you’ve been acting over-protective!
How to overcome this problem?There is no doubt- one thing is sure - overprotective parents should definitely change their attitude if they want their children to grow up as independent and confident adults.
Parent should admit that he or she has problems with “normal” parenting! Every parent should know that if he or she suspects that he is excessively protective, first step should be confirmation of his doubts by asking the other parent for an opinion.
The second step he should take is listen to his child. A normal parent should try to convey to his child that his caution stems from concern for the child’s safety. Important thing for a child is to understand that this behavior is not from a lack of trust in the child’s competence.
A parent could discuss the dangers of the activity with the child and advise him what to do in case of an emergency and make judgments based on an assessment of the child’s overall competence and judgment.
Tips for kids
The bottom lineParents should understand that young people have a right to be heard, but there are effective ways to go about making points and there are ways which are counterproductive. Remeber what we said on the beggining- Young people who are experiencing "smother love" should study their parents and try to understand their attitudes and motives. These kids should keep the lines of communication open and try to identify the influences which may cause parents to be uptight about some of their choices.
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