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Unfortunately, Bambi's story follows a familiar pattern, one that shows another — much darker — side to the homebirth community in the US. Women who have lost their babies in tragic, preventable deaths as the direct result of having grossly underskilled homebirth midwives in charge of their prenatal care and at their births no longer find themselves surrounded by the community that previously seemed loving, caring and supportive.
What happened afterwards? "Mentally, I struggled with myself for several years," Bambi says. "I did attempt suicide shortly after her death. I had to get to where I swallowed back the guilt because I couldn’t handle it. It was just too much. As the slander, threats, harassment, and stalking came to a head, it brought back everything that I had dealt with. This time, I made the 'Help me' phone call instead of doing anything. I know women want so badly to squash their vulnerabilities, but it shouldn’t come at the expense of a grieving mother. I didn’t ask for, nor did I want this. I wanted a happy life with my family and that included my little girl. This isn’t something you would wish on your worst enemy."
Bambi decided to share her story with SteadyHealth because she hopes it might help other people avoid a similar tragedy. "My views changed drastically," she says. "I learned that there was a huge difference between midwives, learned about the lack of accountability, and basically learned that everything I knew and believed was a lie. In a way, it's comforting to know there are others that know and understand what this is like. However, it angers me that other parents have to endure what we have. You wouldn't wish this in your worst enemy. Nobody deserves it. Knowing about deaths after my daughter from this midwife, I almost feel partially responsible. I know I didn't make them use her, but they suffered at her hand."
Are you still thinking about having a homebirth? Bambi has a message for you: "At this point, I would tell you to stay away from everything but a CNM/CM. I would ask that you look at the license. Pay attention to stories and see what your midwife feels about them. If your CNM/CM supports dangerous practices like breech, HBAC, or late preterm, run. If she doesn't have actual labs and tests done, run."