bad sexual experience, advice appreciated

a couple of years ago i had a bad experience with a boy (i was 16 he was 20) where he didnt exactly force himself on me (as i never said no) but didnt ask for permission (had he asked i would deffinatly said no) and i was basically terrified - to the point of crying. he didnt rape me but touched me and performed oral sex on me which i absolutly hated and felt naucious, and now whenever i think of anyone getting close (not sex but oral sex specifically) or see intimacy on tv i feel sickened and embarassed, i realise this is probably the consiquence of said experience but i wondered if anyone else had had a similar expereince and if so did they 'get over it in time' or would councelling ect be a good idea?

help would be appreciated

thanks

Have you spoken a friend or family member about this? Someone close to you, that you trust and can confide in? Some things are easier for some people to get over than others. I'm far from a professional, but I'd definitely suggest counseling, if you don't feel you have someone close to you that you can talk to and trust with this..

hey! the same thing had happened to me when i was about 13 and he was 16. we never accually had sex but he would finger me and i would try to stop him. just like you said, you cant really call it rape but i did try to stop him. i am now 18 and untill now i had felt very uncomfortable and scared about getting intimate with anyone else. but then i found my boyfriend who respects me and gives me all the space i need.. after i realized i could trust him we started to get intimate and now i faced my fear that i once had and i am no longer scared or feel uncomfortable.. im not sure if any of this information will help you or make you feel better but i think when you find the one who you love and can trust you will feel so much better and not so scared

ladedaland wrote:

a couple of years ago i had a bad experience with a boy (i was 16 he was 20) where he didnt exactly force himself on me (as i never said no) but didnt ask for permission (had he asked i would deffinatly said no) and i was basically terrified - to the point of crying. he didnt rape me but touched me and performed oral sex on me which i absolutly hated and felt naucious, and now whenever i think of anyone getting close (not sex but oral sex specifically) or see intimacy on tv i feel sickened and embarassed, i realise this is probably the consiquence of said experience but i wondered if anyone else had had a similar expereince and if so did they 'get over it in time' or would councelling ect be a good idea? help would be appreciated thanks

My Dear Girl, I hate to say this but you were a victim of rape! The guy should have been reported immediately! Just because you didn't scream and run away (obviously you were "frozen" and in shock). You definitely require counceling and IT IS A MUST that you get it. This post is pretty old but hopefully you will have done something to protect yourself from future attacks. No matter what has happened, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, remember that it IS NOT/WAS NOT your fault. The guys should be taken off the streets though I'll give you that. Hopefully someone has made that happen and he hasn't continued to terrorize young girls and escape prosecution. Best of luck to you - I hope you're healing is successful and you are able to let it come from within!

It hurts to hear of things like this happening to young girl and him being 20 should have known you were not into what he was doing, some councelling should help but a new understanding boyfriend wouldn't hurt either but if he were to start to make you feel uncomfortable you will have to find a way to be brave and let him know how you feel. All good things to those that wait and if you are not ready make sure you say NO you don't need an explanation.
Jasper

jasper09 wrote:

It hurts to hear of things like this happening to young girl and him being 20 should have known you were not into what he was doing, some councelling should help but a new understanding boyfriend wouldn't hurt either but if he were to start to make you feel uncomfortable you will have to find a way to be brave and let him know how you feel. All good things to those that wait and if you are not ready make sure you say NO you don't need an explanation. Jasper

I agree that being out of that relationship would be good, but I think that it might be good for someone to be single for awhile after something like this. What do you think?

Definitely staying out of any relationship for some time to heal is always good as long as you don't withdraw away from all relationships. We all need to share our lives with someone else to feel whole so once you have gotten past that episode then it's time to continue on with your life.
Jasper

jasper09 wrote:

Definitely staying out of any relationship for some time to heal is always good as long as you don't withdraw away from all relationships. We all need to share our lives with someone else to feel whole so once you have gotten past that episode then it's time to continue on with your life. Jasper

I totally agree. Do you think that therapy might also be a good idea? I know that we all need to ask for help sometimes and I personally would recommend seeing a therapist but I know that everyone's mileage varies. What do you think?

i had the exact same experience with an older guy and oral sex. i feel the same way. were you ever able to get over it? did you get help? this happened to me about a month ago and the memories still make me sick, mostly because i just let it happen and could have avoided the whole thing had i just refused. i'm considering talking to a counselor because every time i remember i get really depressed. it was only my second time to get really intimate with someone and i was too frozen to refuse, and just went with it. he was the wrong guy though and it made the whole experience terrible, i just should not have let him go that far. now i'm plagued by the terrible memories. i think the only thing that would make me feel better would be to know that these memories will eventually fade.