how to deal w/ alcoholic husband pls help...

anika · Newbie Joined: 22 Jun 2006 Posts: 33

is there anyone who cud help me out on how to deal w/ alcoholic husband? Our family relationship suffers so much even our married life. Too bad i wasn;t there on his side to take care of him because he's in the US and im in my country. what are the worst and best things to do before its too late. thabks

lisa_m · Newbie Joined: 03 Jul 2006 Posts: 3

Encourage him to get help, attend AA....your in a tough spot. The alcoholic person wont change until they are ready, until they hit their "bottom." Dont force him, threaten him with leaving him, these things will do no good. It has to come from inside him to want to stop drinking, and no matter how much you love him, you cant want his sobriety for him. On the other hand you cant enable him either, which means you have to have your boundaries of not tolerating the behaviour. If they have Al-anon in your country I would suggest you check that out, you will learn alot from people who have been where you are and they will also support you emotionally.

anika · Newbie Joined: 22 Jun 2006 Posts: 33

thank you so much lisa for your reply. This is one hell of a bg problem to me. I don't believe her in our country. They're not supportive and effective in helping alcoholic,drug addicts to change and live a normal life again. My support for my husband is still there, wish i could be with my husband all the time.

betman · Newbie Joined: 23 Jul 2006 Posts: 1 Location: London

When I eventually reallised I must give up alcohol for good or die, my wife was very supportive which was a great help during this frightening period. First of all your husband must have a desire to stop drinking, then have the desire to never drink again. As an alcoholic, even if he had a couple of beers after a year or so, it would be enough to kick start him into even worse addiction. Achohol addiction is a progressive illness and returning to alcohol gets worse.

Find out if he has a desire to stop drinking. If so you can give him the support he needs. Withdrawal can be nauseating and painful. Cutting down is no good, he must stop. Knowing that you are with him in this battle will give him assurance. Remind him he is doing this for himself, not for you. It is important that he starts to love and respect himself, after all if he died, everything else would be irrellevant.

It took me a long time to accept that I could never drink again, but once I did, the battle was over. I have been sober for over 12 years now and during that time my life has improved 500%. Most alcoholics have some very good positive strong points, and all of these will come to the fore as they gradually begin to appreciate life in the sober lane.

I miss drinking about as much as one might miss cancer. Believe me, life is better without either.

Good luck to both of you.

anika · Newbie Joined: 22 Jun 2006 Posts: 33

i appreciate very much your inspiring words. this actually scares me because ive asked him several times if he can quit from drinking, he said yes. it seems clear to me that its all but a big fat lie. we are 2 worlds apart because he has work in Alaska and im here in Manila to take care of our only son.

I'm proud of you. You're so brave. Wish my husband would do the same thing. t

thanks

Sezp1972 · Newbie Joined: 25 Apr 2007 Posts: 2 Location: Melbourne

My Husband is an alcholic and I live each day in fear that something terrible will happen to him with respect to his health. I am supportive, but it is extremely hard for myself and the family to live with. his moods are terrible when after he drinks and he is really quite paranoid most of the time. He wont get help and no matter how much I try to approach the matter in a gentle way he just doesn't listen. He has started to bleed from his back passage now and I don't know if this is related to the alcohole and its effects. I find it hard to gain knowledge that I feel would help me, because he won't get help I have not got the oppotunity to speak with a specialist or anyone who can give me an idea of what to look out for with his health. What are the danger signs?

Yours truly
a desperate wife who is still so much in love with her man.

Guest · Guest

I come from an alcoholic familey and watched my uncle basically kill himself with the alchohol.He first started to get nose bleeds then he started bleeding when he would urinate and then he started bleeding from the bowl during going to the bathroom and then when in bed asleep.We was told his liver was gone due to the alchohol.He died a year later.If this has just started get him to a doctor and get him help now or you're going to lose him...

Sunshine50 · Newbie Joined: 09 Jun 2007 Posts: 1

I can feel your pain. I too have an alcoholic husband and have tried everythng. I have been told that tough love is one way to handle it. My husband hit rock bottom by going out and spending the bill money on crack cocaine. he has never done that before. He quit drinking for about 2 months and then went back to it. It's really hard to deal with it when you love him. I keep thinking that he will stop one day. I have the bunt of his jokes and his nasty mouth......I refuse to deal with it anymore.....

Guest · Guest

[quote="Guest"] I come from an alcoholic familey and watched my uncle basically kill himself with the alchohol.He first started to get nose bleeds then he started bleeding when he would urinate and then he started bleeding from the bowl during going to the bathroom and then when in bed asleep.We was told his liver was gone due to the alchohol.He died a year later.If this has just started get him to a doctor and get him help now or you're going to lose him...

spicysho · Newbie Joined: 30 Aug 2007 Posts: 1

I know what you are going through. My fancee' is a alcoholic and he broke my right ring finger. I had to have surgery and now I can't go back to work for 6 weeks. He is also cheating on me with some girl from high school. i say get out of the relationship before it happens to you.

how to deal w/ alcoholic husband pls help...

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