i am gay but i dont want to be !! what shall i do ???

ACEK · Newbie Joined: 12 Sep 2007 Posts: 3

i feel the same way as the original poster. I am 16 years old and I know I am gay but I would give anything to not be. I say I know I am gay because I am attracted to men. As simple as that, no matter how hard I try to not think about it, or try to think about girls, or anything, I always end up thinking about guys. I hate it more than anything though and if I could have anything in the whole world, it would be to not be gay. I want to have a girlfriend, I want to get married, have kids, a family, get old with my wife. But i dont like girls. I really dont know what to do. Like seriously i would rather be dead then be with another guy, but at the same time I want to be with a guy. I hate it. I dont want to be gay but I am. I have already told me best friend i was and he was completely understanding but we dont know what to do. I've tried so hard to just shake it off like it was a phase but it doesn't go away. If your straight you look at any random girl and would be like, "nice, she hot" (at 16 at least). instead for me, i will be thinking about how i should be looking at girls and how I'm going to and then before i know it i will be like looking at some random guy. like wtf? i hate it.

ACEK · Newbie Joined: 12 Sep 2007 Posts: 3

what do i do. i dont want to be gay!

EnigmaNZ · Newbie Joined: 26 Apr 2007 Posts: 22

You guys have I think answered one question I had, why do so many young guys attack other guys that are gay or look and act gay in public. If you are gay and hate it so much, then seeing another guy thats turns you on, an that turns out to be gay, and accepting of it, must bring up so many feelings of hate and anger.
I don't know the answer. I am not trying to make gay gays straight when I say try going out with boyish girls. It won't make you straight, but may provide what your seeking, mariage, kids etc. But if you are gay, then you are gay, just as if your straight then noone can change you into gay.
If you were bisexual you wouldn't be in this crisis, but in case you are, and I think some of the replies here may be from bi guys, then you can go either way, though may have a preference, but it is not as gut wrenching.
Hypnosis may help with a new set of clothes, but whats underneath will remain the same, maybe worth a shot if your disperate, remembering it can't change what you are, but may help you to live the way you want by submerging the unwanted side.
I have fought not being straight for decades, and have lost every battle, have tried denial, turning to God, anger, pleading, determination, suicide etc, but still can't make myself have sex with a female, so have missed out on what I had considered important, family, kids, grandchildren, and have had to accept loniness now I am in my fifties. I do know where your coming from, whatever you do, there is goiing to be pain and regret, make sure you have a trusted support network around you.

ACEK · Newbie Joined: 12 Sep 2007 Posts: 3

I’m not sure if I understood everything you were saying…but I have no problem at all…none what so ever, with other gays. I support them. I could care less if the guy next to me is gay. Whether I see him as attractive or unattractive, he is gay, good for him, I don’t care. The problem is, I am not ok with myself being gay. I am nearly 99% sure I am though. I had a crush on my best friend through 7 and 8th grade. Finally I told him about it Freshmen year. I told him everything there was to know. He said he was into girls but he was fine with the whole thing and we stayed friends. Now we are still the best of friends and I love him more than anyone I know and he shares the same love for me(this is non-gay, more like family, brothers love each other love). We do almost everything together. ...Do I still have feelings for him...? Yes, but I have learned to ignore them for the most part, I may still think about it but they are not there unless I want them to be. If he were to randomly say he was gay there would definitely be more to our relationship. Even though I personally don’t want to be gay my feelings would be far stronger than anything I could hold back. And that is were I run into the problem all across the board. Despite my effort to not be gay and not think about guys, the feelings I can sometimes feel/have for guys are far too much to be something to just hold back. So basically, I would have a relationship with another guy if they were like perfect in my eyes. I would rather find this in a girl though. I want a girlfriend but when all I can naturally think about is guys it's hard to focus on girls. MENTALY, I WANT GIRLS. NATURALY, I WANT GUYS. I think that is the way anyone in my situation is feeling. I want the girls but my natural instinct wont let me. The only thing gay about me is my instinct. I dress normal, I act normal, I talk normal, I am a mechanic, play sports, I am not like a “fag” gay. PLEASE TAKE NO OFFENCE, I MEAN NONE TO ANYONE. I am just trying to say I am not your stereotype of a gay. If you were to know me, since I was any age, to this day you would not have the slightest suspicion that I was even possibly bi. All of me is straight or wants to be straight, the only part that wont change is my instinct. (so anyone looking for the question of being born gay, YOU ARE. Being gay I feel there is no way to change it, no matter how hard I try I just cant) I guess I pretty much just answered my own question. Can I change…I guess it is unlikely. Though I want to, and try to, it just isn’t happening. Maybe I was just using this as a place to vent a little. I actually felt a little better today about everything, I even did, believe it or not, checked out one girl (I didn’t tell myself to either). It kinda scared me at first cause to myself I was like, “woah, did I just do that. I was checking out that girl. I didn’t even have to think about it, I just did.” Maybe I can/am changing slowly. But I don’t know. This is just random venting I guess for the most part. Speaking about how I feel. Thanks to anyone who cared and/or listened.

ace

R2B · Newbie Joined: 16 Jun 2007 Posts: 5

It has been about 3 months since I last posited and well my opinion still has not changed. I am still religiously a Pentecostal Christian and politically very Conservative in the way I think, act, live. So as you can imagine I am about as Anit-Gay as they come. (Oh the irony, If anyone thinks God does not have a sense of humor your so wrong.)

Just like most people in this thread I struggle with an unwanted desire for men (I cant even bring my self to say that out loud). I still firmly believe that the feelings are caused through nurture not nature that determines what sexual preference we desire. Yes I still do not have any attraction for women nore do I ever expect to fully receive that until I find and release my masculine sole. Like everyone else here I desperately want to get married to a women, have kids and raise a family. These feelings have caused me much grief and many nights of sadness.

With that said I would never get in a relationship with someone unless I love them the way God intended so chances are I am going to live a long lonely life unless I can find the answer I seek.

For the first time a few weeks ago I told some close friends about my situation, none of them struggle with this and I think the topic made them a bit uncomfortable (It was a church group suppressed?). But I still benefited from telling them. We came together as a group and prayed about it and I have been growing substantially since that time and I have been able to resist sinful thoughts much easer then I have ever before.

I am a man of faith and I don’t expect anyone here to understand but I believe that anyone who seeks of the heart of God and asks will receive. So I am going to keep looking for God and asking for freedom

Thank you ACEK for letting me join you in venting. Even though we disagree on a lot of things we are a lot alike.

Guest · Guest

i totally understand you, it happens to me too, i'm 17 and i've realized i'm gay, but i hate this, i just want to be normal, but not to be accepted, if not because i want to have a family and i'm afraid i can't 'cause i don't like women although i wish they like me...it's a big problem, is like fighting against me all the time...the only thing you can do is wait, maybe it is only a "phase" and if not, you the only thing you can do is to have something like 2 lifes.

Guest · Guest

i am also 14. i have always been gay since i remember. my family dont know but people say i am at school even thought i haven't came out. i hang around with girls and do drama which makes people asume i am gay. i HATE being gay. i wish i wasn't. i want a wife, family and house when i'm older but its the sexual relationship that i want with men instead of women. i really want to change somehow . i dont even care if i dont change my orientation i just want to act straight and for people to think tht i am. is it too late to do this??

PERSOn13 · Newbie Joined: 25 Oct 2007 Posts: 11

Watch "Videos" without guys in it 0_0

Guest · Guest

i too was feeling this way, confused, annoyed at yourself, finding yourself jacking off to attractive and muscly men. I too am in answers to try and become fully straight or more than 90% straight. to be honest.. there is no set in stone way. there are many things u can do to change yourself. but sometimes isnt it easier to accept yourself for who you are. there are extreme methods u can use. which unfortunatly i did... it did make me straight.. but the pain and the distress was not worth it. i am pleased and am thankfull everyday that i will have a wife and kids. i had something called electro shock therapy (everyone gasps), this is where they basically shock the gay out of you whilst you are in a semi unconsious state. I was a wreck during this time... it took 1 month of electro shocks every other day. My Parents do not know.. they thought i was ill for a while.... but sometimes just ask yourself.. is it worth the trouble... if you think it is... fight it. those with an unpure heart always lose the battle.
gd luck to all

Guest · Guest

I feel very sorry for most of you. You sound like you are living a horrid life full of lies and deceit.

What I did, and what I will suggest to everyone else as advice, is just be true to yourself, you can't marry a women and have kids if you don't feel something deeply for her, it would just be a lie, but worst of all cruel and selfish to your "wife".

I've been with my boyfriend for several years, it's love, and trust me when i say love is pretty amazing stuff. Very Happy

Sure follow religion or whatever you need to do, but if your wrong and there is no afterlife then your wasting your time on this Earth.

i am gay but i dont want to be !! what shall i do ???

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