Posted: 11/24/07 - 23:02 Post subject: mastrubation at early age
I have "caught" my eight year old daughter mastrubating a few times in the past month. I was about the same age, but it's possible I was molested at 5 or so (don't remember). I always though my early mastrubating age was due to that. Now my daughter is doing the same thing! Should I be concerned? I am, no matter what!
First, if you were molested (at any age) Im so sorry to hear that. I can understand why that would be your first thought in this instance. While it could be explained by something so innocent, I completely understand the concern youre showing.
Your daughter could just be exploring her body. Girls show sexual maturity earlier than boys. Girls can get their first period as early as 9 years old. I remember checkin out my stuff as early as 8 years old.
Take a look at her environment. Do you see any adult (or older) men showing an extra interest in her? Is she exhibiting any introverted behaviors? Does she seem withdrawn? If she still is drawing are those pictures different in anyway? Because it may have happened to you, you could be extra sensitive to pick up on these indications. Be aware though that you may also think you are seeing something that may not be there. It seems you already are aware of that though by your post.
My suggestion is to not alarm her in any way by asking the question straight out just yet? I have said to my child that his body is his own and that no one under any circumstances can touch it in any way that makes him unconfortable. The only people allowed is Mom and the Doctor and he has to say its ok. My son has a skin condition that affects his private areas also so I always ask him if its ok to go there first and/or I tell him Im putting on the Doctors hat (more on the hat thing later). Ive also told him that if someone does that he needs to tell me ASAP and that I will not be mad at him if he does. We had this conversation a few times to make sure he knows and I also tell him that I love him very much and theres nothing he can or will ever do to change that.
Maybe its time to begin telling her about how her body will soon change as she starts to become a woman. It was suggested to me to give my child a book on the issue and about sex. I know thats not for everyone, however. Im not ready to let go of 'my baby' yet. I know that is inevitable though. I dont want to minimize your childhood trauma but this may not mean it has happened to your daughter. Also, I would make sure the lines of communication are always open. Parents can sometimes seem like aliens to their children as puberty begins so sometimes it may not always be with you though. It could be with a trusted relative or even a friends parent, maybe even a school guidance counselor. They should be required to inform you if they suspect any abuse. Remember that you were a little girl once too. What would you have wanted to have your parent say to you at this confusing time in life? I have told mine that no matter what is going on I can change hats sometimes and be a friend when it comes time to talk or ask questions and I will never be mad or yell and that I will answer all questions to the best of my ability and if I cant we will learn the answer together. Then my other hat goes back on. The parent hat. We can be friends to our children and in some instances thats all the kids may need. But the parent hat always goes back on. For me anyway.
I hope you find something here useful. I know this can be a touchy subject. I could go on and on but I dont want to monopolize the thread. Good luck with this one. Parenting aint easy thats for sure. I will never say your concerns are unwarranted.
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