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Are you feeling physically sick around a boyfriend or girlfriend you think you love? As strange as it sounds to many, you are not alone in experiencing this problem. You are most likely looking at one of two causes, which we will explore here. 

Your Subconscience Is Taking Over

Self-deception is a very powerful ability. Even if you have successfully tricked your brain into believing that your boyfriend or girlfriend is right for you, most often with their active help, your body can sometimes send physical signals your way to let you know that something is seriously wrong

This particularly applies to people who are in relationships with abusive partners, partners who have — through tried-and-tested manipulation techniques such as gaslighting — convinced them they they don't deserve better, or that they are the bad one. Stockholm Syndrome, a condition in which victims feel empathy, sympathy and even love towards their tormentors as a defensive mechanism, can result in extreme cases.

Leaving an abusive partner is a very dangerous undertaking, and I can only advise you to seek help from medical and legal professionals before you do so. If you do not know where to turn, your primary care physician can be a good first point of call. 

Self-deception can also play a role in non-abusive relationships: when you have built a life together with your partner, leaving can be a very discomforting thought, and you may have been trying to convince yourself that you are happy, when you aren't.

Relationship Anxiety

Another possible cause of feeling sick around your girlfriend or boyfriend is relationship anxiety. It can occur in situations where your partner is a wonderful and healthy person, and can have many different causes:

  • Bad or traumatic experiences in previous relationships
  • General anxiety
  • Questioning your worth as your partner's other half
  • A fear of commitment
  • Societal and familial condemnation of your relationship, because for instance you come from different religious backgrounds

In addition to feeling nauseous, other manifestations of anxiety can include muscular tension, shaking, excessive sweating, and insomnia. 

Examining the causes behind your anxiety is the first item on your list. In some cases, you may even find that your anxiety isn't being caused by your partner at all, but by other factors such as stress at work. When you come home and feel safe enough to "melt down", your symptoms set in. 

If, however, you find that your relationship is directly responsible for your anxiety despite otherwise being in a healthy and happy partnership, talking to your boyfriend or girlfriend about your feelings can be a good idea. Together, examine what triggers your symptoms and how you can cope. This approach is entirely dependent on having a respectful and supportive partner, but it can be very successful. 

Should open and honest communication about the factors in your life and relationship that lead you to feel so anxious you experience physical symptoms not solve your problem, the next step would then be to seek counseling — either from a relationship counselor or from a therapist who specializes in anxiety disorders. 

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