patheticworm
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Joined: 26 Jul 2008
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 Posted: 07/26/08 - 19:51 Post subject: my experience--how to stop while i'm at it? |
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There is really no purpose to me writing this out other than the fact that I need to get this off my chest!
I just turned 18, just graduated HS. I am going to a great college next year, and objectively can say that I have plenty of things to live for, but currently am stuck in some kind of dreadful, empty state of apathy since the beginning of summer (and the loss of the structured school environment?)
This has led to me drinking hard liquor nearly every day beginning about two months ago, being drunk in the daytime at my workplace (involving customer service, even worse) and embarrassing myself in front of friends and strangers in the process.
I have struggled with anxiety and depression on and off for years, doctors/medication never really helped me. Now it feels as though I've finally found a fix (alcohol). It is also a great way of dealing with newly resurfaced, long-suppressed abandonment issues which are very painful. Alcohol numbs it all. But i Know that it cannot end well.
I have vowed to concerned friends to stop, numerous times, but continue drinking, and lying to get alcohol. I don't see an end to this. I am intoxicated right now, alone. I don't want this to develop into a problem and am trying very hard to look at this from a broader perspective.
Am I exaggerating--is it just a phase? (I doubt it).
Ahh, I wish I were less cowardly so I could face my problems head-on.
How do I stop?  |
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