Mike_1990
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Joined: 24 Jul 2007
Posts: 3
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 Posted: 07/24/07 - 14:47 Post subject: talking to people about problems |
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ok,
ive been through quite a lot in the 16 years ive been alive, which will be 17 this September, and ive never really spoken to anyone about how i feel.
being an only child ive always sought comfort from myself, and have never felt comfortable talking about problems with my mum/dad because there was always a feeling of doubt, and that they would not take me seriously, because i dont think or talk like average 16 year old males (i dont get mood swings, lose control) , and i dont think they listened properly when i asked about serious issues that even adults have.
the main reason for this i beleive is that i have been alone for most of my life, i moved all over the country from school to school when i was young, and never had a stable peer group, my dad would always be working away as he worked for a pc software company, and my mum was a nurse, so constantly dealing with other people, but despite this ive always tried my hardest to live a normal life, and not seek support, because when i was young i thought of this as a weakness, and i have never asked for help with anything personal, be it growing up, being down, or, most recently, being completely overwhelmed with excitement, anger, hatred and sadness, the reasons being, i will be moving from england to new Zealand in less than a months time with my mum, hence the excitement, and the prospect of an entire new life, with new opportunities and a wonderful lifestyle is just amazing, then i feel so angry confused and sad, because i was recently told that my dad wasn't actually my dad, and that my real dad hadnt wanted me, 3 years ago, my "replacement" dad had landed himself in prison, for acts related to child pornography, and he has recently moved to his parents' house, and is staying in england while i move away, then there is also the fact that he had an affair, hit my mum and me, wasted money on his mistress, and yet has the nerve to hold the house over my mum, and threaten to sell it and take his 50% which he legally has the right to do, rendering it impossible for me to move to nz, all this despite when my mum supported him after his imprisonment, after she was beaten, and he still shows no remorse. now being told he wasnt my dad, and with less than 3 weeks left to find my real dad, i should really be feeling extremely depressed, or sad, yet all i can think of is why i dont, and why i have become so emotionally strong, im not sure if this is due to my dads acts, or the fact that that man who ruined a lot of my opportunities, i had potential to become a doctor, psychiatrist etc., but with his behaviour and the disruptions he caused my family, i am looking at some below average gcse's this august, and the best jobs i can look at are manual labour, when i could, and should be doing a job which requires mental ability, which ive been told i have. i am content with the way i am now, as i know i can handle most of the bad experiences have to throw at you, i have seen death, suicide, lives being ruined, my mum being falsely diagnosed with lung cancer, and mostly being unwanted, and yet none of this troubles me at all.
there is also the issue of parenting and control over me, i know that my mum has done bad things to me, not physically, but put me through bad times, and knowingly, to protect herself and my dad, until now. but she still seems to believe that after everything, despite the fact that she has attempted suicide, and i have not, she went to smoking, i didnt, and she gets drunk regularly and relies on me, while i have never been drunk, she still uses her position as a mother to take advantage, make me to small things she cant be bothered to do, and still dictates to me what i should and shouldnt do, bedtimes, drinking coke etc. any opinions on this are welcome.
i did not post this asking for support, i just want to know whether how i deal with problems, buy thinking it through, keeping control of myself, and mostly not asking anyone/ talking to anyone for support, will become a problem in the future when i become involved in relationships, jobs, and a life of my own with children etc.
any advice would be greatly accepted.
thank you for reading. Mike |
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