Hi steadyhealth mates,

This is my first post and I just want to thank you before hand for your time and your insightful comments, should you decide to reply.

Situation: I am in my mid twenties and in a committed interracial relationship with a male who is a few years younger than me. We love each other very much and have been dating for a few months. I don't think we have observed what would be consider as a normal growth progression of the relationship. Our honey moon period was about a month and after that we were both trying to get use to each other's imperfections and really grow together. Since he lives by himself, works to support himself through housing and schooling, we are really forced to mature more quickly as a couple than our peers. We don't observe the same carefree lifestyle as those of our peers because he simply does not have the time nor money to waste it on booze, lavish dinners and expensive purchases.

Problem: I find that it is hard sometimes to grow together when he is standoffish and just not willing to share his problems with me. He is the type of man to withhold issues because he dislikes conflict and tend to prefer ignoring them rather than confronting them. On the other hand, I am the one who loves to expose them and deal with them. As you can see we both have different opinions on how to deal with conflict. So when the time comes for us to deal with problems, he says a few comments, shuts off and tells me to move on. While I clearly haven't because there has not been enough dialog to deal with the issue at hand. My reaction to that is to tell him exactly how I feel, what I believe the underlying problem is, and he pushes it off as me being over dramatic about it and tells me to move on.

Other communication issues come about when we misconstrued each other's comments. Sometimes it is so much easier to be hyper sensitive to what each other has to say about one another, when in an intimate relationship. I would say a few lines indicating my concerns about his health, eating habits and stress level. And I wouldn't even have said anything near the lines of telling him what to do or not do. I just tell him my concerns. He would take it as me lecturing him, and his initial response is that he hates it when people tell him what to do. I think some of the problems comes from how his parents treat him. His parents continuously tells him what to do and what not to do, he takes them, no questions asked or any disobedience. He lives away from home and frequently goes home to take care of errands, his siblings and his parent's wishes. I don't have a problem with any of his responsibilities and I do respect his piety to his parents.

The Question: I feel as if we are sometimes really out of sync when it comes to communication and being a woman, I know how important it is to keep the communication part alive and well. I just don't know how to open him up and how to get him to deal with conflict by solving them and not burying them. I am not sure if I am being grossly impatient or if I am being realistic to expect all these things in a relatively new yet mature relationship. Any type of suggestions are appreciated, or if you have similar problems, could you share how you dealt with them. >:( >:(