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Please can anyone advise me on this.

My husband had hemorrhoid surgery just over two weeks ago and it has proven to have been a very stressful situation for him.

As far as we know he has had some cut out and the internal ones banded.

Ever since the operation he has become more and more withdrawn and not himself at all. He cries all the time which is something I have never ever seen him do in all the years I have been with him, and he has what I can only describe as what looks like severe panic attacks when he thinks he has to go to the toilet to do a BM. He also complains of being in severe pain all the time even when he has taken a full days dosage of Tramadol, Diclofenac and Paracetomal. I can't communicate with him at all at this point and cannot get him to think rationally at all. He won't get out of bed now and he panics when I make him meals and drinks, his reasoning being that 'what goes in has to come out', but I can't make him understand that he has to eat and drink to survive.

He also keeps saying that he wants to die.

I am in constant contact with one of his doctors and she has been to see him quite a few times now but even that results in him bursting into a flood of tears and not being able to take any advice from her.

It would appear that he is giving up and cannot get on top of things at all, not even with my help.

I have to work 4 days a week, am unable to get out of it, and I cannot concentrate at all for worrying about him, and then when I phone him up in my break he starts crying again saying he needs me there and wants someone to love him. I reassue him constantly that I love him and that I am there for him but everything I do or say just upsets him.

I just don't know how to deal with this problem any more as everything I have tried to do has failed, and I feel that I am making him worse instead of better.

The doctor is coming to see him again on Monday to give him some anti depressants (at the moment she has put him on Diazepam but that's not calming him down at all). She has also prescribed Zolpidem to help him sleep at night but again that doesn't really seem to be working either, all ti seems to do is make him really dizzy instead, and nine times out of ten he cries himself to sleep instead.

Please can anyone help me with any advice on how I can deal with this as it's really hurting me to see my partner like this and I really want him to be well again, and be the man he was before the operation.

Has anyone else on here ever sufferred with the same problem of depression and anxiety after surgery, and if so how did you cope?

Also, how did any of you who was a carer cope and what did you do to reassure your partner?

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o.O

I also had hemorrhoid surgery two weeks ago. It was a ton more painfull than what I expected it would be. It is a major surgery!!! By day two I was wondering what the heck I had done to myself. But, I have learned a lot through the process and want to share it with any I can to help make recovery easier. I am a 35 year old woman. I had two large internal, one cyst and one exterior hemorrhoid removed.

The following are some bullet points that really helped me. I am back to normal, almost, and in no more pain.

* Use a step stool to put your feet up on when you have a BM. It helped me a ton. A doctor told me everyone should poop this way for a proper angle. I am short so I need it even more. I would then use my hands and arms to move around and lift to get just the right angle I could handle without passing out.

* Keep bag balm or vitamin E on the area at all times. Especailly prior to pooping. I applied it many times a day. I liked using the disposable latex finger covers rather than a whole glove. Not as much waste and easier to wrap up in my bathrom trash or carry in my purse now that I am back out in the world.

* Eat a lot of fiber. Not eating will only constipate you more and worsen the problems. Beans, high fiber cereal, fresh vegetables and tons of fruit (smoothies) is what I have lived on and kept me very regular. I stopped the mineral oil yesterday, after two weeks, and still was regular today! I would take the mineral oil at night with my fruit smoothies and a Senokot stool softner every morning with breakfast.

* Drink tons of water. One day I didn't and it was obvious the next. OUCH !!

* I was told the pain pills can cause constipation. So I only ever took one. The pain was massive during BM but I would calm myself down by breathing in my nose and out through my mouth to reduce the shaking to be able to go.

* I bought individually wrapped hot dogs and froze them. I would use these to ice the area after BM. Again, doctor recommended and it was a life saver.

* I would ice then warm bath soak after every BM.

I am posting this to many after hemorrhoid comments. So if it isn't exactly your questions I am sorry. I just want to help any I can though something that was a process I will never forget but am glad, now, that I had done.

Here's to no more hemorrhoids for any of us!
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I am a 22 yr old female. I have had the surgery last week wednesday. Today is day 9 and it gets better everyday. The first 3 days after the surgery was terrible. The pain was excrutiating, it would subside after i took my painkillers but as soon as i had a BM the throbbing would return. Sitting on the loo was torture. I dont have to sit for long though as i am taking a stool softener. After the BM i lie in warm salt water which immediately eases the pain. I cry for hours after a painful BM. I still have the fear, that anxiousness when i feel a BM coming. Urinating is painful, my body is not relaxed enough. I lie in d warm water for hours before being able to pee. The pain medication makes me very sleepy, but iv got to take it to ease the pain so that i can relax and have a BM and pee. I wish all of you good luck. If you need advice pls email me.

**edited by moderator**
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I had surgery four years ago, and already an external one
has recurred. I'll have to get ready again for repeat
surgery for this sooner or later. Hopefully it will be
less painful and eventful this time.

I made the mistake of choosing the PPH or staple device for
the original surgery, which has a high rate of relapse, not to
mention complications.

Try applying some emu oil which you can get on line or your
health food store on that area. If it is too painful, just apply
on the ring around the anus, otherwise it would be better to
push your finger in a little with lots of oil. I'm currently also
trying black seed oil, which might be help with healing better
in your husband's case too.

Otherwise, get some lidocaine jelly from the drugstore to
numb that area.

Go buy some Dead Sea salts from the health food store.
Ordinary sea or table salt don't work very well. Use a good
amount of it into quite warm water for a Sitz bath, and ask
him to soak his ass at least half an hour, 3 or 4 times a day.
A good method is to find a round plastic tub or basin which
just about fits on top of the toilet bowl, with the seat cover
taken up. This is what I did. It will really soothe him and help
with healing. It has to be fairly concentrated with at least a
fistful of salt.

As for oral painkillers, you can also consider Arcoxia (etoricoxib)
and possibly a muscle relaxant like Myonal (eperisone).
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I hope this is able to help a little, i had my piles removed on the 7th Jan 2008, and for the first two days it was not so bad due to the fact i didn't have a bowl movement. On the 5 day, when i had my first bowel movement i was in agony, almost cried. From there onwards it actually got WORSE! I had my operation done in South Africa and am actually from a neighbouring country so i travelled back home.

My bowel movements were excrutiatingly painful, i was saying the same thing "I WISH I WAS DEAD". Truly speaking, it was really bad, i mean i have a three month old son, and being a man and openly crying infront of anyone and everyone wasn't much fun. I was on synaps and morphine initially.

Today is day 18, i feel a bit better, but however feel as though i am going into depression. I don't feel like talking to anyone and every single sound is not beginning to annoy me.. i feel it is the after effects of the pain killer..

Even though i shouldn't be, i am now going to force myself to start going to work, even if it is for an hour or so to try and back into routine..

My leg still goes into spasm after a bowel movement, and to make matters worse i had a slight cold.. which meant when i cough or sneeze it would drive me crazy with the pain...

It feels as though i have forgotten what it is like to be a "normal" person again.. normal meaning.. being able to have a painless and complete bowel movement...

Trust me, anyone who has gone through this experience will definately try their level best to sympathise and advise in their best capability what they can do to reduce the pain.. what helped me:

Pain Killer, then having a warm tub bath.. pain killer before the bath is becuase when you come out it hurts a lot..

Eating fruit and drinking loads of water...

i am lactose intolerant.. hence couldn't have milk etc but apparantly it helps...

keep away from spices..

keep away from red meat..

REDUCE STRESS LEVELS...

have someone to support you, because you will really need it...

watching comedy movies (not something that will make you laugh too much because it hurts otherwise)

lastly.. praying.. man did that help.. because when you have pain, and you are taking pain killers and all around you are not being as effective.. i resorted to God and it helped!

Apologies to anyone who may have been offended by my opinion.. but i thought it was worth a share...

Kind Regards

Someone in pain and feels also as though he is going into depression
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Dear Karenp,

It's been a month since I had my surgery and can honestly say i only had about 2 days of excruciating pain while defecating.I did some pretty gross things but it really worked in lessening the pain. I wrote a diary detailing my experiences .I got a lot of help from this forum and would like to include my own bits of advice to all the depressed and 'terrified to have a bowel movement' people.

My approach was firstly to do everything possible to have soft stools and secondly to physically assist my body to pass out these with as little pain as possible.I did not continue with the stool softeners because they caused me to feel like passing stool all the time.

Take paraffin oil for at least 3 weeks every morning.This like lactulase acts as a mild laxative and helps to make the stools easy to come out.T did not take pain killers because they made no difference to the pain level during defecation.

Take bene fibre 3 times a day

Stick to a vegetarian diet as much as possible ,especially first 3 weeks.Remember vegetarians are hardly ever constipated and one of your main goals is to avoid hard constipated stools.

Do not eat a lot . Drink lots of water.Use Tucks cooling pads to soothe the area if necessary.

Include lots of fruits with fibre -mangoes ,pawpaw, bananas, apples without skin.Make sure to thorougly chew these things - big pieces really cause a problem coming out .

I think the things that really made the difference for me were use of a bidet , a hot stream of water and physical manipulations to help the muscles during defecation.

Using the toilet was too painful,( I think it has to do with the angle at which we sit on a toilet not being conducive to defecating ) so I actually used my bidet to defecate in-pretty gross, but it made the world of difference.

I used the bidet nozzle to direct a continuous stream of water (as hot as I could tolerate) at the anal area during the entire defecation process. The hot water served two purposes it distracted from the pain and it relaxed the muscles and increased the urge/contractions to expel the feces so that when it started coming out a lot came out very quickly.

Two manipulations which I did with my hands to physically help the feces out were to cup around the anal area with my fingers as if trying to squeeze /massage the feces out.Sometimes ,i had to actually squeeze /massage out small amounts of feces in my hands a little at a time until all came out especially the first few days when everything was still sore.

The other which I am still using is ,when i have the urge to defecate I strongly support the muscles around the anal area by pushing upwards with my fingers while i bear down whenever I feel the urge to expel the feces. To describe in more detail ,I do this by sending the four fingers of one hand from the front towards the anus ,spread the fingers apart so there are two on either side of the anus and push the flesh firmly upwards during a bowel movement. This somehow or the other helps to alleviate the pain.

Hope this helps your husband.
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i just had hemmoroid surgery august 1st i havent had a bowel movement yet .... im actually scared to go to the bathroom.but i been consistant with my sitz baths and my pain meds im just trying to take it one day at a time and hopefully my days will get easier
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my hemorrhoid surgery was last friday... and since then i've been living in great pain while feeling helpless, scared and alone. looking for answers (my doctor was not returning my pages/calls) i found this forum; it has helped me a tremendously with moral support and advice. it's difficult to imagine when i'll feel normal (actually better than before; that's why i had the surgery!) while days drag on waiting for the healing process to reach a point of tolerable discomfort. i stay positive for the future otherwise i'll fall apart.

so here's what i found works, from the forum and in my own experience...

• warm sitz baths! i never was a bath person (too restless to sit still) but the warm water was comforting/soothing and let me rest from the constant pain. it actually relaxes all my muscles and makes me drowsy.
•fluids. lots and lots of water. though when i was using pain killers the first few days, i was constantly nauseous and couldn't hold anything down (even water), so i drank gatorade (not to dehydrate) and flat, warm ginger ale (to settle my stomach. i've since graduated to water.
• sleep. it's an obvious solution, but seriously if you can fall asleep (the Rx pain killers made me drowsy), the body heals and your brain takes a break from noticing the pain.
• eating liquid meals. i've been trying to avoid BMs, unsuccessfully as I did not prepare before the surgery! it was the most painful experience i've ever had to date. since i've had a few BMs (with a day or two break). some were manageable pain but 1 felt like passing razor blades with acid. hence, soft foods to keep the BMs to a minimal so the wound can heal first! when you are ready for solid food (ie, having regular BMs) then make sure to have good amount of fiber in your diet via whole grains, fruits and vegetables.
• ointment. it's a lifesaver after BMs and after a soak in the bath. keeping the area moist with either vit. E oil, bag balm or neosporin. they have healing attributes as well as soothing effects.
• avoid Rx pain killers, use motrin. Rx meds cause constipation, so if you can tolerate the pain go for the non-Rx (the pharmacist said motrin is the strongest one).
• stool softener. it's another must. i had a Rx, but it's available over the counter. i took one with every meal weeks before the surgery and while on Rx meds I was taking one with each pill to prevent constipation. that may be too much now that i switched to motrin. other natural stool softeners: prune juice, aloe vera juice, flax oil, triphala.
• step stool for BMs. it's a common practice in europe and i learned about it years ago when i first started dealing with GI issues. it puts your colon in proper position for BMs. no pushing to get stool out!

it's frustrating not to get return calls from the doctor or his staff, but i am extremely grateful that this forum exists. it's comforting to know others like me are out there looking for answers and/or sharing their personal experiences, advice, concerns,... i hope some of my tips will help some of you get through this traumatic post-op recovery.
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owwww...I had it too, but mine was so bad they had me on a morphine drip for a week, that helped, but I was still in agony, so count yourself lucky. Mine was still bad and very painful after 9 days, but the pain pills numbed me enough I guess.....nothing really helped, except for knocking me completely out, which I did with a swig of NyQuil D and a Benadryl.
The pain pills made me VERY depressed, though, and coming off of them and morphine was awful, but worth the numbing, no doubt..
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Karenp wrote:

Please can anyone advise me on this.

My husband had hemorrhoid surgery just over two weeks ago and it has proven to have been a very stressful situation for him.

As far as we know he has had some cut out and the internal ones banded.

Ever since the operation he has become more and more withdrawn and not himself at all. He cries all the time which is something I have never ever seen him do in all the years I have been with him, and he has what I can only describe as what looks like severe panic attacks when he thinks he has to go to the toilet to do a BM. He also complains of being in severe pain all the time even when he has taken a full days dosage of Tramadol, Diclofenac and Paracetomal. I can't communicate with him at all at this point and cannot get him to think rationally at all. He won't get out of bed now and he panics when I make him meals and drinks, his reasoning being that 'what goes in has to come out', but I can't make him understand that he has to eat and drink to survive.

He also keeps saying that he wants to die.

I am in constant contact with one of his doctors and she has been to see him quite a few times now but even that results in him bursting into a flood of tears and not being able to take any advice from her.

It would appear that he is giving up and cannot get on top of things at all, not even with my help.

I have to work 4 days a week, am unable to get out of it, and I cannot concentrate at all for worrying about him, and then when I phone him up in my break he starts crying again saying he needs me there and wants someone to love him. I reassue him constantly that I love him and that I am there for him but everything I do or say just upsets him.

I just don't know how to deal with this problem any more as everything I have tried to do has failed, and I feel that I am making him worse instead of better.

The doctor is coming to see him again on Monday to give him some anti depressants (at the moment she has put him on Diazepam but that's not calming him down at all). She has also prescribed Zolpidem to help him sleep at night but again that doesn't really seem to be working either, all ti seems to do is make him really dizzy instead, and nine times out of ten he cries himself to sleep instead.

Please can anyone help me with any advice on how I can deal with this as it's really hurting me to see my partner like this and I really want him to be well again, and be the man he was before the operation.

Has anyone else on here ever sufferred with the same problem of depression and anxiety after surgery, and if so how did you cope?

Also, how did any of you who was a carer cope and what did you do to reassure your partner?

Hi, I truely feel for your husband, I had it done on 21st April, it was the most painfull thing I have ever known in my life 100 times worse than having a baby, I too was in tears as nothing got rid of the pain, 2 weeks later I had blood like diahrea for about three hours taken back into hospital, I thought last week it was starting to get better however all the stinging and pain and slight bleeding this time is back again, the ony thing I can suggest is to have a bath with plenty of salt this relieves the pain more than pain killers for a while, also watch the diet and take fibregel satchets to keep loose. I know the feeling of dreading to go to the toilet, im not sure if it will go away im sure and hope it will, good luck to him I reall feel his pain you just feel you can't take it anymore, maybe oneday we will look back and forget that pain and say its best thing we have ever had done, hard to believe at moment, definitely have the baths after going to toilet big help must have salt though quite alot of it.
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Hi everyone,

I am on day 11 after a haemorrhoidoctomy and the biggest problem I am facing is the urge to have a BM almost all day. I am currently having 4 BMs in the morn and 2 in the evening. It seems I just can't get it all out in I go. Within 10 mins of the first one the urge for the next one starts and i try my best to control it but end up trying after an hour or so. So I am spending like 6-8 hrs a day either trying to hold it or starining to pass stools.

The doctor says it is a false urge but my body does not agree. I am taking Normacol stool softener 1 sachet every night and eating a lot of fibre and about 3 ltrs of water everyday.

Anyone with similar problems and any solutions?

Speedy recovery to all who need to read this forum and avoid surgery if you can - it is not MINOR.

Thanks.
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Hello,
As it's been a couple years since the surgery, I hope he is doing better. I had a dectomy performed 10 years ago and the surgery was without question the most excruciating thing I have ever endured, no exaggeration! I was screaming bloody murder for days and could only knock out with copious amounts of Percocet.
It seems though that your Husband's trauma might go deeper than the surgery. It's a horrible process, but I might suggest that your husband has deeper issues, possibly related to that area of surgery. I had issues with potty training growing up; for whatever reason, I HATED to go, and would sometimes hold it in for weeks at a time.
The surgery got me back on track and trained me to go every day, but there were complications. But a lot of the reason the trauma occurred was because of my issues with that area stemming from my childhood. So I would suggest that you maybe encourage your husband to see a therapist. He might have shame issues related to this problem, before the surgery. It's an awful thing and near-impossible to discuss, but that doesn't make it any less important. My heart and thoughts go out to both of you; it can be really rough to go through especially since you can't talk about the butt like you can other parts of the body! Cheers, T
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I have to agree with most here. I had the PPH surgery 3 weeks ago and i still feel terrible. From day one of my surgery i was in immence pain and called the surgeons office 3 times, only to be told the pain is normal. Come to find out i ended up in the ER because they loaded me with 4 sodas, tons of water after the surgery hoping to get me to urinate. Instead of putting a cath in me, the lady who seemed to want to go home as it was like 8pm now, said she called the on call Dr and he said to go on home and i should urinate later. Well.. i hurt so bad the next day that i ended up in the ER that night and had them put a cath in me. SO ALWAYS HAVE A CATH or make sure you can urinate BEFORE YOU GO HOME AFTER SURGERY!!!! Anyways on day 10 i couldnt take the irritation of the cath anymore and the Dr's office said it would be 3 or 4 days before they could see me to remove. Well by this time i had enough. I read online how to remove. I cut and drained the cath myself. Then removed it. I felt so much better for the urination part. Day 12 after surgery i was taking 4 baths a day, praying to God every minute and thinking that alot of things afterlife would be much better. I again called the Dr's office only to be told that pain is normal and some people handle it different. Well i suffered for the next two days in extreme pain knowing something is NOT right. I was in tears and baths were not helping. I was taking 3 percocets at a time and nothing helped at all. Sure enough on Day 15 i had enough. I went to the ER again and said something has to be done and i'm not leaving til i am better. They called the On call surgeon and he said admit me and they would look at me the next day. So now its day 16 and im in the hospital again. My original surgeon stops by and says well i see where your white blood cell is high so they put me on antibiotics and tried different pain meds on me. Nothing was helping. Finally the Dr said he would take me into surgery again as soon as an opening came that day for an OR room. In the meantime he examined me and said i might have a fissure sp? or could have a tear but he doubted it. He didnt notice anything and couldnt explain my pain to the extreme i was experiencing. Day 16 later in the morning, the come to get me to do exploratory surgery, this was after the Dr said he might do a spincterotomy on me as it could help but would only do it if necessary. Well i came out of surgery and was back in my hospital room waiting to hear from someone. In the meantime the Dr had seen my spouse and told her that he seen nothing and did nothing. * I know better as i felt different immediately* So the Dr said i could go home later that day. Well i got home and i had a large dressing on my butt area that was bloody and showed alot of signs of drainage. I thought to myseld, i thought he said he didnt do anything? I didnt bleed this much after my main PPH surgery. We day 18 came and i could finally have a bowel without crying. The baths became only 2 times a day. The Dr put me on morphine for meds but that still didnt help any pain. To this day i know the Dr fixed either something he missed or something that went wrong during the initial surgery but i could care less as i was feeling better. Well day 21 and im still off work. I have my good days and bad. Last night i couldnt sleep at all and was experiencing pain down my back and legs and groin. Who knows whats going on. I think i am going to take one more week off work and hope to resume activities. I still feel a ton of pressure even after a BM but figured thats the swelling. I take 3 advils every 6 hours for the swelling and have since quit taking the morphine meds. I can honestly say that this PPH surgery was and is hell. If you can and have lived with your hemmorids then DONT have a surgery. There is no point, im telling you! I will never go through this again and i had the worst case of roids the Dr had seen but i had lived 15 years with them and would still be doing so if i knew this PPH surgery would end up like this. So i can relate to all those who are in pain, depressed and want to give up. Keep your heads up, they tell me it will get better. In one week i go to see the original surgeon for my followup and back to work orders so wish me luck.
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Karenp wrote:

Please can anyone advise me on this.

My husband had hemorrhoid surgery just over two weeks ago and it has proven to have been a very stressful situation for him.

As far as we know he has had some cut out and the internal ones banded.

Ever since the operation he has become more and more withdrawn and not himself at all. He cries all the time which is something I have never ever seen him do in all the years I have been with him, and he has what I can only describe as what looks like severe panic attacks when he thinks he has to go to the toilet to do a BM. He also complains of being in severe pain all the time even when he has taken a full days dosage of Tramadol, Diclofenac and Paracetomal. I can't communicate with him at all at this point and cannot get him to think rationally at all. He won't get out of bed now and he panics when I make him meals and drinks, his reasoning being that 'what goes in has to come out', but I can't make him understand that he has to eat and drink to survive.

He also keeps saying that he wants to die.

I am in constant contact with one of his doctors and she has been to see him quite a few times now but even that results in him bursting into a flood of tears and not being able to take any advice from her.

It would appear that he is giving up and cannot get on top of things at all, not even with my help.

I have to work 4 days a week, am unable to get out of it, and I cannot concentrate at all for worrying about him, and then when I phone him up in my break he starts crying again saying he needs me there and wants someone to love him. I reassue him constantly that I love him and that I am there for him but everything I do or say just upsets him.

I just don't know how to deal with this problem any more as everything I have tried to do has failed, and I feel that I am making him worse instead of better.

The doctor is coming to see him again on Monday to give him some anti depressants (at the moment she has put him on Diazepam but that's not calming him down at all). She has also prescribed Zolpidem to help him sleep at night but again that doesn't really seem to be working either, all ti seems to do is make him really dizzy instead, and nine times out of ten he cries himself to sleep instead.

Please can anyone help me with any advice on how I can deal with this as it's really hurting me to see my partner like this and I really want him to be well again, and be the man he was before the operation.

Has anyone else on here ever sufferred with the same problem of depression and anxiety after surgery, and if so how did you cope?

Also, how did any of you who was a carer cope and what did you do to reassure your partner?


Hi, it seems there is less depression than real post-surgery pain, so he needs to be on stronger pain-killer (vicodin+ advil every 4 hours or mophine or marihuana) - this man needs you next to him, but mostly he needs that pain to be taken care of, then he will be crying less and sleeping more, so the depression like symptoms would not be confused with his very serious rectal pain. VERY SERIOUS...
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Y.t.t.
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