I know that it's a pretty weird thing and it's definetly a scary expierience, but look at it this way. Depersonalization is just a symptom, that means that if you get rid of the underlining condition it will go away. I have had it for about 5 months but man Im feeling way better than I was before. Get some excercise, eat better, and remember you're still growing, which means hormones are still changing. It could be as simple as a vitamin deficiency. Are you depressed? If you are then there is little doubt that depersonalization is coming from the depression. Just remember that depersonalization is not chronic, Don't listen to those BS shrinks out there, they just want your money. The human body has been designed to cure itself from anything, this is just a phase in life, you'll be ok :-)
i have had this depersonalization thing for like 2 months now, it happened one night when i was at work....i was walking and i just felt like i wansnt there so i checked my heart rate.. and i felt like i had an out of body experience....and since then i have basicly been in my room for the past few months and ive probly gotten out like once every 2 or 3 days but i always have an episode of depersonalization when im out,... its like things are going good then just like out of nowhere ill just feel like im not there.... and now its gotten worse...since the past 2 weeks or so i havent left the house at all im so afraid of everything i can barely leave my room.... even to go to the kitchen and make a meal is a big thing.....GOD i just cant handle it... ive developed all these weird coping mechanisims like checking my pulse.. take a deep breath... i dont know whats wrong,. now i think its gotten worse now i feel like so depressed, dont know what to do,, i dont know what makes me happy, when i look in the mirror i dont even reconize myself..i hear voices in my head and ringing in my ears and 2 months before this depersonalization problem started i had anxiety / seperation anxiety and it was so bad i felt like i was going to die,, and that i wasnt breathing and i could only breath through my mouth but i dont have the breathing thing anymore.... but every minute of every day i think that im going to die and i dont want to i want to survive but i just feel like mabye this life is too hard and well whats the point if theres so much trouble just to get through one day.... when i wake up all i can think about is how much i want the day to be over so i can go to sleep... ... i get these weird voices in my head saying "is this really me" "am i really here"
I dont know who i am or what i want to be or what i want to do with the rest of my life... i keep on getting this flash forward of what my lifes going to be if i continue with this,, but i dont know how to stop it...everything i do seems like a chore.. nothing brings me joy...i just dont know who to be.. i cant even leave my room im so afraid of dying or like going crazy..and not being there......im thinking it could be hormones or something......
when i look at who i am right now this state of being its not me and i just want it all to go away and be normal again.... but then when i think about it i think whats the point because im just going to have another episode and then im right back where i started....all i can think about is good memorys, memorys of me when i was a kid and things were simple... i dont know what the hell is going on.........cause when i think back on my life i was always trying to be someone else i always had this false confidence about myself....so i never really found out who i was so now im thinking its too late reality has set in.......
i dont know whats wrong.... i hope its not too late and things can return back to normal..
by the way this whole thing started like acoouple days after
one night i got drunk and stoned and i had never been like this in my life and everything was cool we were having a good time and laughing and sh*t and then the next second i felt so weird like i was having an out of body experience it was so freakky i felt like i was never going to come out of it ,it was like i was in a dreamland,.... and now thats what ive been feeling like now but im not drunk or stoned.. so i cant figure what it is...
and im like paranoid when my door is open to my room and someones coming so i shut it so i dont have to see them or talk to them..cause when i speak and the words come out of my mouth i dont reconize my voice and it then it makes me feel like im not there.. and im trying so hard not to feel like that.,.. there so tramatic..
like ive been thinking mabye it could be an
inner ear problem
i wish i could just tak to somebody thats experiencing the same thing so they can help me
Your anxiety is you rebelling against that inside of yourself because you don't know what to do with that pressure and you can't find a safe way to reject who they want you to be. Who do you want to be? Who are you deep inside? These questions, although difficult to answer may be your key to releasing yourself from this anxiety. These questions must be answered inside your self, honestly and totally.
You are a very loving person because you have sub-conciously elected to take this pressure into your self instead of taking this out on someone else. Now you need to set your self free. Who do you want to be? If a genie gave you a wish, who would you wish to be? Inside, under your fear you are already that wish.
its getting kinda better since im taking zoloft to get rid of the anxiety and lorazepam (a genaric version of ativan) for when i get a panic attack.
it helps me alot when i get all wierd and depersonalized to think "man i cant frikkin wait till this anxiety disorder stuff is done for good"
till then i think a bottle of a yager will do just fine :]
its still hasnt gone away
so you're not alone brah
Around a couple of months later I found out that my step-father, who acted as an absent father figure (only home on weekends because of a traveling job) was actually a very bad person who had done some messed up stuff to my siblings. Now they won't talk to him. My brother uninvited him to his college graduation.
At first I felt emotionally unattached. Now I know I was depressed. I cut, just to feel anything.
Then I felt physically unattached. My depersonalization experience was 100% of every day, feeling emotionally and physically unattached completely.
I've taken no medication.
I've seen two therapists, a hypnotherapist and a regular therapist, both unsure of what the hell this is.
I haven't told them that I think this could be cured by anti-depressants, and I have lost all mental checks against crazy behavior.
The other day I was about to ask around to see where I could get cocaine, as it has the exact same neurological effects on the neuro synapses as tricyclic anti-depressants.
I hope this goes away, but I've learned to cope with it. I'm trying to stay drug free but at this point I feel like weed would be the only thing to make me feel euphoric and happy.
I think I may be depressed.
You've felt depersonalized for 2 1/2 months, 3 months.
I've felt this was for 6 long months.
I'm a veteran.
I've jumped out of a car on the way to school because I was planning on running to a hospital to be admitted to a psyche ward. My therapist consoled me by saying there was nowhere to go.
My emotions have left me. The strain is showing on all of my relationships.
What the hell am I supposed to do? Meditate? Fat chance.
Hello there, :)
My name's Angel, ironic right becouse i have good new that im sure will help you. Im 16 and iv been suiffering from depersonalization for two years and this is my story. :) I hope it bring's you hope as much as it does me telling it to you. two year's ago the same time this year i was at a soccer tournament. I felt like i couldnt breath and I started to hyperfenalate, this means when you feel like you can breath. suddenly everything looked funny, like i was in a dream so sereal.I couldnt remeber much and suddenly i paniced and got all hot i cryed and begged my dad to take me home. and he always being the gread papa he is raced home, the whole two hours.i threw up in the car and i felt like my heart was racing i felt like at that moment i was going to die and it was my last moments. i was shaking so hard i could here my teeth chattering. Finnaly when we got home i ran around the house frantic brother's room didnt look right parents or mine, i mean obviousely i could see it but it was like watcing it on tv. i felt like i was high or drunk. i missed school for almost 4 weeks becouse of this laying bed ridden everytime i loooked in the mirror i knew who it was i just couldnt regognize it at first. i thought i was coming out of my body constantly i felt like falling. I felt hopeless and scared alone like no one in the world was going threw this,like maybe this was all a dream a illusion and i was just now waking up. It wasnt. It was deperosnalization which contionued for 2 years. With in that 2 year's iv dedicated myself on finding method's on how to calm people down and to become a speaker. i beleve in the past two year's iv had this. i know more about anxiety then any counsler. i recomend seeing a sphycologist, dont worry they wont take you to circles of care and you wont go crazy you wont die no matter how bad it gets have the mentality that if you can get threw this you can get threw anything! you can! This is one hundred percent true that you will get threw this and will be recoverd one hundred percent. it's never too late :)
Here are a few thing's that got me threw this.
the book: Panic To Power by lucinda bassett
Your not alone and im here to prove it. :)
You're hearing from someone who has been teaching for quite a while. I see the pressure on people your age, and let me say one thing before moving on. If you took a young husband or wife and started hitting them with questions like. Where do you see yourself in five years? How many children do you intend to have? How many girls and how many boys? What would you like your daughter to become? What about your son? Do you see yourself being a "stay at home mom?" If you do, and you're in college, have you thought about dropping out? And what about your husband. Do you think you'll still love him in ten years? What if he gains 50 lbs and spends most of his time sitting in his chair watching TV and drinking beer? And husbands, what if after a couple kids, your wife "loses her looks," do you honestly see yourself staying with her?
Guys, I don't mean what I just wrote, but what if you put young newlyweds under so much pressure for answers they simply don't have? Don't you think they'd begin to lose themselves in the mystery of their own lives?
I think kids your age get the shaft. YUP! And I often spend time telling them how foolish it is to think any answer they give eliminates the ability to change their minds. I'm the "bad guy" who tells kids to have a little fun with some of these pressurized questions. Tell them you plan to be a "Big Game Hunter" and marry a Headhunter, not the kind that search out executives for jobs, but the kind that cut off heads and shrink them. Why would I be so subversive? Because I can actually remember being your age and feeling overwhelmed by EVERYONE DEMANDING that I know who I was. I didn't have a clue, but instead of allowing the pressure to frighten me, I crossed my eyes and allowed it to free my imagination. Don't allow all the pressure you're under to make you want to disappear so much that you begin to get glimpses of that very thing. I'd suggest you insist on keeping your options open. What do you want to be? How about. I haven't got a clue. I'd love to be a hit recording star, but I can't sing....... but neither can most of them, so maybe I'll get my wish. I'd love to marry a rich older woman who could take care of me so I NEVER have to decide what I want to be. Where will I be in five years? Having a really good time. Where will I be in ten years? The same place I was five years ago, assuming I'm still having fun.
I know the problem. Shrinks jumped on it like a Rottweiler on a steak. I can remember my high school. Basically there were two groups. Those who thought any of this made a difference, and those who vowed to have a good life.......... PERIOD. We didn't know how or what we'd be doing. We'd do what we could to have full lives, but we sure as hell were not about to allow all this pressure to make us leap so far that we lost ourselves.
Frankly, I like any method of relief you find IN YOURSELF. Most books on meditation make it seem so difficult. Start by relaxing. Focus on your breathing. Nice deep breaths, using all your lungs (you'll know you're using all your lungs because your abdomen will rise and fall as you breathe. Take four or five slow, deep, cleansing breaths. Once you feel like your mind is focused on your breathing, close your eyes. Don't try to hit "no mind" from Day One. It ain't gonna happen (just more pressure). Close your eyes, remain in touch with your breathing, and become an observer. See what goes past you. (if you can, turn off the lights and light two or three candles). Some people like to put one candle on whatever is at the foot of their bed. If you like looking at the flame till your vision blurs. DO IT. Every so often go back and take nice slow cleansing breaths, two or three, and see what you see in the candle flame.
If you like your eyes closed, close them and see what goes by. Try not to influence what you see. Gradually, over time, instead of seeing scenes you'll begin to see single things, maybe a horse galloping, and then a sail boat. It doesn't matter. You're watching your brain unload. Over time, stare at the candle and at some point close your eyes and see if you can see the candle in the darkness.
IF YOU CAN'T DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP. It's time to understand all meditation is about inner freedom and learning how to witness your own thoughts. The less sense they make the better. WHY? Because you'll start to relax more, once you stop looking for meaning. Some people can go to "no mind" where they close their eyes, and usually see a candle, then just a flame, and the flame either goes out, or moves further and further away till it's gone, and your mind is in a "free state." Yes, there are lots of terms for the different bits and pieces, but SO WHAT? THIS ISN'T A HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT. IT'S A WAY TO RELAX.
Students seem to really like guided meditation. I'd lead them, and while they relaxed I'd guide them on a very gentle relaxing trip, but you don't need a guide. For example, When you close your eyes, you are a twig, in a small stream, moving very very slowly. The water is warm and feels wonderful to float on. All around you are smooth stones, worn smooth by the flow of the water, over the years. If you notice on your right, high in the sky are fluffy white clouds........ what do yours look like? (and you can pause to look at the clouds and see their shapes)....... after some time (LEAVE YOUR WATCH IN A DRAWER, AND TAKE ALL CLOCKS OUT OF YOUR VIEW.) YOU'RE A TWIG, STOP TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT TIME IT IS. TWIGS DON'T CARE.) One of the mistakes so many students (of all ages) make is thinking this is serious. What I just said about twigs telling time, is meant to make the travelers smile. You may see lots of things that remind you of something amusing. Also, if your nose itches, SCRATCH IT. You need to understand that any time you're doing a relaxation exercise and have to sneeze or clear a tear out of your eye, UNTIL YOU SNEEZE, OR SCRATCH THE ITCH, they will CONTROL YOU. Think about it. The itch is saying "Scratch me!" And you're saying "No, go away, I'm trying to have a relaxing meditation here. Well, you and the itch will carry on a LOOOOOOOOOOOONG conversation, and all the while it will hold you in place and be a wall between you and relaxing. So never fight. The more you use your WILL the more the thing bothering you is controlling you.
By the way: The "Will" is useless. You may as well learn this now. Here's a simple example. I do not want you to think of an elephant. Will it away. Come on use that powerful will to push the elephant out of your thoughts. Sadly the word is misused too often. Will is the wrong word, if it actually accomplishes something on its own. You can WILL the candle away. Sure, you will it gone, then get up, blow it out and put it in the bookcase where you got it. There you go. You willed it away. Congratulations.
You're all clever enough to take the twig on one hell of an adventure........ BUT keep it slow and simple...... and don't forget your breathing. You may see a butterfly, watch it, what colors are its wings? Where does it land? Now you can follow the butterfly or focus on where it landed. You may find a mouse washing it's nose whiskers and cleaning up.
Another one I like is being a leaf on a tree. I watch my stem and see how very little is holding us together. Then I break free and travel on the breeze all over the place. The breeze can carry me up so that I can see a farm. And all the wealth of things to see on a farm.
You can go anywhere, be anything, as long as you can let your imagination work without your consciousness. That's the part that hasn't stopped talking since you started reading this. Our conscious minds give us lots of help, but they NEVER SHUT UP. THEY HAVE AN OPINION ABOUT EVERYTHING. AND THEY SCARE THE HELL OUT OF YOU OVER THE PROBLEM OF DEPERSONALIZATION. IT DOESN'T BOTHER YOU, IT BOTHERS THAT ANNOYING YACKING THING IN YOUR HEAD. HOWEVER, WHEN YOU TAKE A SLOW TRIP LIKE THESE, IT CALMS DOWN.
EVENTUALLY YOU CAN ACTUALLY TAKE YOURSELF ANYWHERE YOU WANT TO GO. Don't go nuts trying to follow a book on the subject. If it makes you feel like it's all too complicated with too many expectations, we're back to the depersonalization pain in the butt.
I will leave you alone, but let me add one more thing. Don't let these feelings drive you crazy. Look how many people your age have the same problem. You have lots of brothers and sisters out there. Many things may SEEM to cause this problem to begin, but if you look at them you'll notice they never happen at the best time you've ever had. One of you had a bad acid trip, someone else mentioned a less than faithful girlfriend. I want you to observe something. A trauma, that really gives you fear, sets off this other fear.
When I was 14, I started thinking that maybe I was the only person on earth that wasn't a robot. At first it was a silly day dream, and then it started making more and more sense in a nightmarish kind of way. What if I was all alone? That led me to wonder if maybe the entire world was a daydream. What if I was some poor old coot on life support, living in my imagination. That really scared me. It seemed so possible, and the more possible it became the more it bothered me. During that same joyous period, I started to have the same nightmare every stinking night. I'd be having a horrible dream, with no humans only Pod People, like Invasion of the Body Snatchers, AND I'd wake up PHEW!! Then my mother would come into my room with that same monotone, and I was still in the damned dream, and I woke up yadda, yadda, yadda. It took a long time to wake up and I wasn't the least bit happy. At that time in my life these things scared the hell out of me, but eventually I got interested in something else (sex) and pretty soon I was really happy again. I felt like me. The girl I "loved" certainly was NO ROBOT, and when I woke up with the Pod people she was always next to me in bed so I gave my Pod Mother the finger and got busy.
I'm not in any way, making fun of you. These things are no fun, but you are under enormous pressure to define the rest of you life, so is it any wonder you start feeling like you're gone or removed from other people? Do me a favor and start being a tiny bit sarcastic about the answers you can't possibly know. As a senior in High School, colleges wanted me to choose a major, EVEN THOUGH YOU COULDN'T APPLY TO THE DEPARTMENT TILL THE SECOND SEMESTER OF YOUR SOPHOMORE YEAR. SO I TOLD EVERY COLLEGE SOMETHING DIFFERENT. I did want to do them all, from Jet Pilot to Famous Author to Scientist who discovers a cure for choosing college majors.
Be well, and try to laugh once in a while. I know it's not easy, but the world is a mess (another reason for this problem). When things are bad you have two choices, you can either cry over them or laugh. Neither solves anything, but laughter feels better.
Most of you will grow up to be strong adults. YOU WILL. And because you are so serious, you'll make good writers, and parents, and GOD FORBID POLITICIANS (BITE YOUR TONGUE).
Anyways, good luck to the rest of you and use the moments you have of feeling normal to keep remembering what you can bring yourself back to.