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I lost my wife to cancer last year. It has been rough in many ways. I left the city we lived in because I felt it held nothing for me. I moved back home to where we were originally from NOW I miss the city I was in but hated it the whole time I was there and made my wife miserable over it. I am starting to think something is really wrong with me. I just cant be happy.

 

Naturally I grieved a lot andf still do. I miss my wife. She was the best person I had ever met in my life. In June I connected with a woman I had been out with a few times here and there when I got back. I fell in love with her. I told her so and I think it scared her because she would always tell me about the abusive marriages she had and how nice it was to be independent.

I would take her out and treat her very special....bring her flowers all the time...hired classic guitarists on valentines to come to the restaurant and play love songs....write her letters..send her cards....buy her very special, pretty things.  She said that no one (including her husbands) ever did that kind of stuff. She always kissed me passionately and sensually but soon after we were together, she would send me an email and tell me that we wanted different things and we should just be friends. I figured either she was seeing someone else (as in a sex distraction) or just forever scarred from the m****s she was married to and dated that treated her like dirt. I let it go.

After three months of silence, she called to wish me a happy birthday and took me out for drinks. We talked and she said she needed the time alone to sort issues out and bring them to God. She told me her daughter thought that I would be a good thing for her so that night we entered a "committed relationship."

We go out once a week and sometimes other times with her friends for dinner or to family things. She treats me like I am "her man" and she kisses me very passionately but she can not tell me she loves me.

She buys me little things and we talk about sex but I get get close to second based and things are getting too heated, she tells me the time is not right.  I can tell she wants to. She is a very beautiful and sensual woman. She plays it down but she KNOWS IT VERY WELL.

She doesn't like me calling her "baby" and thinks it is juvenile. She tells me that she hates to talk on the phone and often just doesnt answer when I call but when are together, she is constantly checking texts.

  It sometimes worries me that  she is constantly talking about her ex husbands and the stories about her misery and abuse . I do believe most of it but I sense that there are pieces conveniently missing to make her more the victim. She also talks about sexual escapades and a wild time that lasted for a year where she explored the mystery of why men do what they do to women  --  so she want out and had a bunch of sex with a lot of men. I am gleaning that some of it was very kinky just by the expressions she makes and what she "doesn't say." NEEDLESS TO SAY, i DON'T REALLY WANT TO HEAR THIS but sometimes she expresses how regretful she is about having done those things (she found God) .. other times, she seems to relish in the memory of those times ---  but WE are not having sex at all, although I do believe that is coming soon.

She says that she will never get married again but almost did in 2007 until she found out her rich boyfriend was screwing everybody in town.  So here I am, the guy who loves her and wants to treat her right, and we are seemingly only connected in this relationship by a weekly date and a few phone calls.

I do not think that I am insecure but I can't help but think that she is getting laid somehow on the side. She is a very private person and I would never know.  She also lives in a very socially cloistered area of well-to-do people but maintains a safe distance it appears, even with people who have been closer friends for a long time. My Friends have told me to walk...actually run...but I keep hoping this will grow into something. She is drop dead gorgeous and I am addicted to her.

Lest this sounds like a typical story in the lives of 20 or 30 somethings, I must now divulge that we are both in our 60s but because of this very unique situation, I find myself reacting very much like young men do in relationships in their early years.  I start to worry and get anxious about Where she is when she wont answer the phone...why she REALLY wont have sex with me when she kisses me like foreplay!...and even though she says she would never do anything to hurt me......I have to wonder.

 

She tells me I OVER THINK things and it "feels" like I am checking up on her when I call and reiterates that she sees no one but me so AM I SUFFERING FROM SOME KIND OF ANXIETY DISORDER because I have trust issues?  After all, wit her bad marriages and boyfriends, that is exactly the problem she says she has with men.....although I tell her that I do not see other women or have sex with anybody and she says "I believe you."

 

i AM VERY CONFUSED and dont know what to say to her. She keep saying, "relax and let our relationship fall in place and run a natural course." ...... i JUST DONT KNOW WHAT THAT IS!  I need the advice of experienced women.

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She has someone else, probably a few and you have already made your feelings clear.

 

To her you are some crazy guy that she goes out with a couple of times, kiss, and then you tell her you love her. At the same time she is probably out banging a few random guys, they treat her like dirt and she is trying to win their affections.

 

You have friend zoned yourself buddy, you put her on a pedastal and yall were not even sleeping together. No woman wants flowers, guitar players, and dinner. They want a bad boy. Even more they want a bad boy that they cant have. You are saying "I love you" and dancing around to a band with flowers--that is not bad boy at all.

 

You probably have screwed this up, but it is not a big deal there are plenty of fish in the sea and you have barely had time to grieve over your wife. If you are ready to start dating, you need some help. . . go pick up a book like Bang by Roosh or read some PUA forums. You have no game and need some. This lady and all of the others have been banging and being romanced by Letharios while you have been married. You need the help.

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This one is tricky to answer - but based on what I read- ok a when a woman is sexually active in their 60's it is not the same as a woman having sex in their 40's or even 50's I think some of the previous post missed the fact that this woman is in her 60's. Women have obstacles as do some men at age 60 or even in their 50's. She might be going through menopause or it has already ended. You could benefit from reading about the changes a woman's body goes through during and after menopause.. Ok she could be attracted to you but not comfortable with her own image even if her face is pretty her body at age 60 has most likely changed. If she has been abused she most likely has been insulted to no end regarding her looks or even her ability to perform.. Women are expected to uphold a certain image and if she has aged she might not be feeling very sexy. Some women get caught up in the whole look great at all times some don't especially if they were never considered attractive to begin with they learn to utilized other attributes at a young age. Like personality and intelligence. A lot of this depends on childhood too.. Anyways.... She might have bladder control problems at age 60 and sex doesn't help it makes it worse and she could "leak" during sexual intercourse or foreplay. She has stated she enjoys her independence you will just have to accept this feature or move on. She doesent want to be dependent on a man or boyfriend , she probably had to or thought she had to at some point in her life. Abusers have a tricky way of making you believe you need them and can't make it on your own or you will surely succumb to the evil outside world. Read up on abuse you indicated you thought she was exaggerating the abuse- she can scense this from you- you are a critic and skeptic- you do not know or understand the world in which she once lived. Or perhaps you do as you stated you made your wife miserable. Just so you know this woman is probably much wiser than you ever imagined and she will be like an old cat and she can smell a"Rat" a mile away. :)
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This one is tricky to answer - but based on what I read- ok a when a woman is sexually active in their 60's it is not the same as a woman having sex in their 40's or even 50's I think some of the previous post missed the fact that this woman is in her 60's. Women have obstacles as do some men at age 60 or even in their 50's. She might be going through menopause or it has already ended. You could benefit from reading about the changes a woman's body goes through during and after menopause.. Ok she could be attracted to you but not comfortable with her own image even if her face is pretty her body at age 60 has most likely changed. If she has been abused she most likely has been insulted to no end regarding her looks or even her ability to perform.. Women are expected to uphold a certain image and if she has aged she might not be feeling very sexy. Some women get caught up in the whole look great at all times some don't especially if they were never considered attractive to begin with they learn to utilized other attributes at a young age. Like personality and intelligence. A lot of this depends on childhood too.. Anyways.... She might have bladder control problems at age 60 and sex doesn't help it makes it worse and she could "leak" during sexual intercourse or foreplay. She has stated she enjoys her independence you will just have to accept this feature or move on. She doesent want to be dependent on a man or boyfriend , she probably had to or thought she had to at some point in her life. Abusers have a tricky way of making you believe you need them and can't make it on your own or you will surely succumb to the evil outside world. Read up on abuse you indicated you thought she was exaggerating the abuse- she can scense this from you- you are a critic and skeptic- you do not know or understand the world in which she once lived. Or perhaps you do as you stated you made your wife miserable. Just so you know this woman is probably much wiser than you ever imagined and she will be like an old cat and she can smell a"Rat" a mile away. :)
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Good luck and just take things slow it will benefit you both . And you will have a better and more solid relationship . Some of the bestest friends are married to each other.
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