Hi,

I have been wrestling with these things for the last 20 years. Due to my lack of willingness to deal with it and I guess just plain embarrassment (stupid, I know) I have put off getting help way to long. About 4 months ago, it got so bad that I made a commitment to myself to get them dealt with, no matter what it took.

For at least the last 10 years, after every bowel movement I have to push something back in. Im assuming this is the external hem. Although, Im not sure, they may have been prolapsed internal ones most of the time. However at certain points over this period, I have this huge, large grape sized thing come out after a bowel movement. This is what happened 4 months ago, (among other times) and is happening now. Its very very painful.

I went to my doctor at Kaiser, got the recommendation to a surgeon, was checked out by him, he said we will do a hemorrhoidectomy and remove the "mass". The mass being the external thrombossed one that I have had for years I guess. The day before the surgery, I started looking online for stories about recovery and basically got scared to death so I canceled the surgery. I looked into banding as a prereq to surgery and decided I wanted to try it first. I went to a colorectal specialist in SF and had my first banding done. Immediately after that appt I was better. I have since been back 5 times for additional bandings, the last time however I think aggravated the large thing that comes out of my anus. Its is is so painful i can barely walk unless I push it back in, which when its bad I can only do in the shower with a finger. Its been killing me for week now. I went back to that specialist and told her whats going on, she looked at me with a scope and saw it and said something about it being ulcerated. She says, ok now we know what to look at next. Frankly Im scared to death, its hurts so bad. I havent gone to work all last week. I dont know why, if its just a thromossed thing why she wouldnt have drained it. This morning I had considerable blood while trying to push everything back in which I think feels like a combination of a large internal one coming out and the large external one. Anybody have similar experience? What did you do? I know all about the baths, the fiber, etc. Ive been living with these things forever. I think weight lifting may have had something to do with this recent large, devil of a thing coming out. Im really scared to have the surgery, as I dont want anal leakage, more pain, etc.

Sorry this post is so long and hope it makes sense. Im tensing up as I write.
Thanks for anyones comments, support and suggestions.