Couldn't find what you looking for?

TRY OUR SEARCH!

New Reply New Topic Followed by 11 people

I'm a woman, and there's a man I deeply love. We've known each other for years, and he has been my best friend since forever. He is in love with me and we're kind of dating now.

There's a problem, though. I'm a lesbian. A confirmed one.

Now, that's not incompatible with loving a man. I love him so much I'd marry him and give him kids (an idea that would be abhorrent with any other male). But I'm not sexually attracted to him, and I know I am towards women.

I'm a very affective person. I love it when we cuddle and hold hands and caress each other. Not so much when we kiss. Or any other sexual contact. I'd say sex is a satisfying affair with him at an emotional level, and I enjoy giving him pleasure, but it's not sexually fulfilling for me and I kind of dislike it when /he/ gives me attention.

He knows I'm a lesbian, but I haven't told him the deep level of discomfort this is causing me, and he doesn't notice. He's too happy we're dating after all these years of loving me in silence.

It's getting so bad I feel sick to my stomach when we hang out and that's... painful. I do feel he's my soulmate, but I can't help it. I really I want to make him happy, and he makes me happy too, but even kissing is kind of gross for me. He just tastes wrong, smells wrong, feels wrong. But it's not his fault he's not a woman, or that I don't like men.

What to do?

Loading...

Both of you are robbing yourselve's of the love and compatibility that you desire with the gender of your choice. You being a lesbian and he being straight is a recipe for disaster down the line. You must talk to him and tell him how you feel. It's not fair to either one of you, and it will never be. Eventually, you will look for something else somewhere, and it won't be a man. You are going to break his heart either way, so i suggest you just do it now. As he fall's deeper and deeper in love with you, you are setting him up for a hugh melt down if you don't do something about it as soon as possible. If you love him as much as you say you do, let him down easy.

I will not pin the blame on anyone here but, you being a lesbian should have known not to get involved with a man and expect not to have sex with him. He doesn't notice because you are acting like your straight and loving and sexually attracted to him, you are leading him on and he is headed for a heart ache for sure. Don't marry this man and don't give him children. There really is no grey area here, you have to go one way or the other, and because you are a confirmed lesbian, there is only one way to go, you know what that is. You either do a complete turn around and talk yourself into being straight, and i think that wouldn't work, or you tell him goodbye. Or, if he is willing to continue this charade, knowing full well what's involved, then do that. But you asked...what do i do? My opinion, tell him and move on to someone who truly make's you happy, and let him do the same.

Reply

Loading...

You have already answered your question. Things feel wrong. Painful. The answer is staring you in the face. 

I'm sorry, but you should do the right thing, and end it.

In the long-run, you will both benefit from this decision. 
Reply

Loading...

Hi,

I feel for your situation.  Two people who replied are jerks.  I hate labels.  Okay so big deal your a lesbian but does that mean you have to wear, and do what is expected.  Also that doesnt mean you should follow advice of so called jerks.  Key with any relationship via it be friendship or love interest is communication, trust and respect.  Dont have that and your going to fail no matter what.  Key with the guy is being upfront and honest, dont hold back.  Not doing that will lead to big problems in end, but this advice is true for any sort of relationship, hetro, lesbian or whatever.

Last if you want to rule your life a label and associated definition as defined by academics, then do so.  

By the way, I am married to lesbian, many would think would be hardcore lesbian.  We are open we talk to eachother, we are affectionate.  We are best buddies with very many things in common and wanting to do a lot of things in life together.  I also get along very much with her lesbian partner.  Deal is, I know she is lesbian.  When we married I didnt want her to take on my surname or anything like that.  In the end, she simply doesnt like penises.  No big deal.  Our relationship is based on trust, respect and love of what makes us us.  Will relationship eventually end.  Well realize most heterosexual marriages end in divorce anyway.  Likewise we talked about such, we know inside we will be friends for life, and if it comes to point that I did find a heterosexual female who wants to marry me, she has no problem us disolving our marriage, but our friendship will remain.

So be honest with guy,  dont hide back.

michael
Reply

Loading...

Thank you, Michael. Your kind words give me hope. I wish you happiness on your marriage.
Reply

Loading...

Hey im 13 and afraid that i might be a lesbian its not a bad thing its just im kind of imbarressed ive felt this way for a good while and dont want to tell my friend in case they feel strange around me or tell people who will make fun of me should i tell them and warn them to keep it a secret??? I do like girls and i get kinda aroused if i see brest on the tv

please somebody help me :(
Reply

Loading...

Why not have an open relationship? polyamorous relationship/ allow yourself to love multiple people. allow him to either love just you or you and another? I'm not saying you should have 3 ways.. you can date gay girls.. he can date straight girls while having a life for you.. do you think one person can honestly fulfill you for the rest of your life? He might be happy just loving you and allowing you to have a girlfriend. you never know.. 

Reply

Loading...


A bit late to answer, but maybe your are simply bisexual. I know bisexual are not considered well in society, and I think it's maybe because they can't fit in an hetero normative society stereotypes.... You surely know how gay couple are stereotyped by society: one plays the woman and the the other the man. Bisexuals are more difficult for a hetero-normative society to deal with. I honestly think that you are bisexual and maybe unconsciously afraid of having a relation with that man. Go for it girl, it looks you & him are just perfect for each other.

Reply

Loading...

I'm a man and my gay girlfriend recently left me.  She had come out to me a few weeks before and I thought we were going to break up then.  She said that wasn't what she wanted, so we stayed together.  We had always known we wouldn't last, maybe she did more than I, and since we made each other happy we didn't feel the need to split up yet.  Well she got sick, I got busy, then she got busy, and things slowly deteriorated.  I thought once finals were through we would work on it, but she figured it was time to accept her sexuality. 

I'm proud of her and I'm happy that she is ready to take this step in her life, but I feel abandoned.  She barely communicated with me during the last two weeks of our relationship, and now she has stopped talking to me all together.  I just thought that after all we had been through she wouldn't have to prove to herself that she could "survive" without me.  When her sex drive disappeared months ago she was afraid I would leave her but we worked through it.  I wasn't ready to survive without her and our relationship seemed to go much deeper than the "couple thing" she no longer desires with men.   

I don't want to get back with her.  My self esteem and self efficacy have gone up since I stopped dating a lesbian.  I was just wondering if any lesbians out there have been in her shoes, and, if you could, please explain to me why she needs time to herself?  I miss her.

Reply

Loading...

it is very hard for a lesbian to date straight men like us, and can this really be possible?:-)

Reply

Loading...

Yes it is possible. Please don't mock it.  She was very special to me and continues to inspire me.  We can't chose who we love, or used to love.  I don't care how difficult it was you don't just ditch someone that did nothing wrong.  I know this is a normal part of breakups but I never considered us normal.  LOLs

Look man.  I just want know why the person that smiled every time I looked at her won't talk to me.  It hurts.  I'm not crazy. I'm confused.  Yes I see the irony.

Reply

Loading...

Hey, I'm very late to reply to this, but I have/had the exact same situation. I'm the guy and my very close friend recently broke up with her gf. We are very close and attracted to one another. I've always known we would not be together just because we weren't compatable sexually. She is an amazing person!! However, she likes women. We talked about dating pretty intensely then it ended quickly without notice. I totally get why it happened. Yes, it hurts, but it is better to hear now than years down the road. Hope this helps.
Reply

Loading...

I am a man. I am about 60 years old. My lesbian friend is about my age. We have known eaach other for seventeen years off and on. We started seeing each other more often three years ago. We have been more or less dating for the past year. All was good until she started giving me long, full body hugs a few months ago. I thought it meant that she was open to being in a closer relationship to me. So I started treating her about the same way I would treat a hetro girlfriend. She did not like that. She accused me of wanting to be more than friends. Also that it made her uncomfortable. Also that she is who she is and does not want to change. I said that I respect who she is and that I do not expect her to change. Since then, we have taken breaks from each other, but then seeing each other again, till she was uncomfortable again, rinse and repeat. The full-body hugs continue.

Similar to a previous post, I have also thought about a future with her in a poly-amourous relationship. We are very good friends, and could have a primary relationship. I would be comfortable about her having sex with women. I could find a female FWB on the side.

I think my friend might be coming to a realization that she might be bi-sexual. She seems to be having a hard time dealing with this.

Reply

Loading...


While it is ideal and true that you supposed to make your significant other from a best friend first, without a healthy dose of physical attraction there would really be little or nothing to distinguish such a relationship from any other significant and important relationship such as siblings, parents, coworkers, business partners, or regular friends. If you really want a SO status relationship with a gender you do not find attractive, then you would have adaptively overcome it to accept your love for who and what they are, find a way to be attractive to each other, accept somehow that it would be a type of marriage of convenience with little or no physical affection beyond raising a family, or mutually accept you are not compatible with each other in that way and move on but stay friends.

Otherwise you are not only not being fair to each other but deceptive as well. And lies never end well in any kind of serious or important relationship. If you keep things as they are, it likely end very badly and painfully down the road.
Reply

Loading...

Ignore the accidental double post

Reply

Loading...