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Hi. My Mom left me when I was just a kid. I was five years old when she left. I grew up with my father. I miss my mother, but I am not sure I would be glad to see her again. I am really angry at her. What do you think about mothers who leave their children?

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Hi. I was abandoned too. I live with my grandparents. They are ok I guess. My grandma says my mother had a pretty good reason to leave. She said she was a single mother, without a husband, and that she couldn`t stand what other people think of her. I don`t consider it to be a good reason for leaving your child. However, different people have different thoughts. When I grow up and have a child of my own, I will never abandon him/her. Sometimes I am looking at her picture and I think “who is this strange woman.” And she is a complete stranger to me. At least I have somebody. Many kids have to live in orphanages.
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My daughter left her children almost 3 years ago. They were 13 mths and 31/2. It was a sudden abandonment without a reason. Our family was devestated. As I worked through trying to help my 2 beautiful grandchildren and my son-n-law I determined there is no acceptable reason for leaving children unless they are at risk. We learned our daughter was bi-polar. I am of the opinion that any women who leave a child that she has been with for a lengtb of time probably has a mental or emotional dissorder of some kind. It is certainly better that they leave rather than neglect or harm their child. As a family we have worked hard to help our grand children adjust. It is certainly a good point of view to realize life could be alot worse and that you must understand their isn't anything wrong with you that your mother failed as a parent. Make the most of the wonderful life you have that she helped give you. My daughter is pregnant again....
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My mother left her children, too. I was five years old at the time and I'm now 55. Throughout the years, I mourned the loss of my mother and felt inadequate and unloved as a child. My life-long goal was to find her after 35 years of having not seen her.

Well, I found her this past year. It was, to say the least, an awkward experience for both of us. After discovering her physical address, my husband and I drove 3.5 hours to find her; as it turned out, she lived in the same state. It was not a pleasant experience as I had dreamed it would be and I will not likely visit her again, at least not in this lifetime.

I observed her strange behaviors and determined she must be bi-polar. Rapid mood changes, irritability, and illogical thought processes were apparent. (I have a Master's degree in counseling)..........it's a much longer story but I wanted to share with anyone out there who might be planning to find their mother...beware, it may not be what your heart desires and then a decision must be made to determine if/how you are emotionally able to interact with your mother. I chose not to as I felt her mental illness was simply more than I was willing to tolerate...just too painful for me. I wish you luck!
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My daughter was in a horrible marriage. She filed for divorce last Fegruary after a decade of marriage. Her husband threatened he would get the children, she would not get any money, he would trash everything she owned; he treatened to harm her, was abusive etc. She was an excellent mother to her three children, now 9,11 and 4. He got physical custody so kids could stay in same school; he was/still is a completely incompetant parent. She broke apart, he trashed the house, all of her things, and uses the children as a weapon. So she left, over eight hours away. Last time she went home, after three months, to work out staying in her own place etc, she left within 24 hours. She was not well; broken, depressed. "He" kept the grandchildren from me for most of the summer. She left again just before school started. No one has heard from her, not the children, not me, no one.

I am soul sick, depressed and at a lost of what to do. The children are very hurt; live with their dad, who leaves them with his parents most of the time; divorce is still on-going. Court date again this month; I doubt that my daughter will be there.

I feel like a part of my life died; and that somehow, I must have done something wrong as a mother Her father is very angry over this and the fact our daughter left her children. And he seems angry at me as well.

I lost my own mother when I was 7 to suicide and my family was broken up two years later. I did not see my father for many years until I was grown so I know what mother loss can do/and abndonment.

In my grandchildren's case, neither parent is able to show up and parent due to different issues. And after many years of being the closest grandparent to them, I now find the children are with HIS grandparents, who are emotionally ill, controlling and very antisocial.

My heart hurts all of the time; I am a teacher educator so I am around stories of children, their parents, and what children need all day making it very hard to get away from this heartache.

Is there a grandparent out there who can give me some insight?

I am starting counseling soon because I feel as tho a part of me is actively dieing.

lost my daughter; losing my grandchildren
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I will never abandon my children, but I will say that when a woman is sick inside with greif and hurt and there seems to be no end to it, when she feels like she wishes to sleep and not wake up, when she can barely breathe and cries behind closed doors, it may very well be better for her to leave. This is no life for a child. That mother that leaves is desperate, survival kicks in, and although she loves her children, our OWN nature is to survive, so sometimes unfortunately that means running, and running fast and far before its too late. self preservation is in our instincts. a hurting heart can drown in tears before anyone knows the wiser. Don't ever asume you know why a person has left or that they are selfish or do not love the entire family. Some greif is as bad a s death, it kills the person inside, swallows them up. A councillor only listens and THAT does NOT help everyone, some people can talk to their families but the pain just does not stop. This mother, maybe cries every single day that SHE cannot be there with her children, god if it was me, I would.
Bi polar or non-maternal parents are a whole different story, they just do not or cannot be "normal" parents if its not within them. god made it that way for a reason. I'm sorry for you all that didnt grow with a mother, I grew with no father, but life is too short to try to make sense of what you just cannot sometimes. If answers are meant to be had, they will come if not be happy you have life, love and remember it CAN BE WORSE< there is ALWAYS worse. Dont be bitter, be YOU.
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I am brand new to steadyhealth. Joined last night desperate to find someone who could relate to the pain of losing my daughter after she left her children after trying to cope for five months after leaving her husband. Gurlfriend's message helped me see things from her pain. She was so good at hiding her pain; and when I think back to when she was a very little girl, then middle level girl, and young woman, she always hid her pain. She just wanted everyone else to be happy and be there in her life.

I wish I could have seen how much pain she was in. When I think back to all of what she endured, I cannot imagine how she did not crack some years ago.

I have to believe she will come back in her own time. I see how much the children hurt and of course, I want to take their pain away. I put her picture in their school notebooks; I told them about depression; that it is a disease and that their mother's job was to take care of herself right now. The youngest girl, nine years old, said "teachers know all about depression don't they?"; so I think she will share about her mother to them. I don't want family or their teachers to stop tallking about their mother. That happened to me as a young child. After my mother's death by suicide, it really was like I never had a mother, ever. No one said a word about her until I started asking questions when I was in my mid thirties! Until then, I really was a motherless child.

But how do you tell a four year old boy that his mother may not be back for a long while? He is so sad.

Lost my daughter; lost my grandchildren's mother
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I think you are an amazing parent and wonderful grandparent.
I can clearly see a very loving and empathetic person typing this note.
How you have told the children and delt with this situation is absolutely positive and sensitive at the same time. I would not change a thing, A boy of 4 understands more than most think and I would treat him with the same amount of sensitivity and compassion and educated way that you are with the other children. He's sad but, he does get it. give him an extra hug everyday.
If your daughter has been calling or when she does, ask her if she'd like some quiet and confidential time with the kids, meaning, no pressure and no one has to know that she has been around. Sh'e may be hiding from her old life, trying to close that door completely, ( the ex)
give her options, dont push, just let her know she's loved, everyone misses her and that she is safe with you, whether back or just by calling. keep contact if you can. If not, and time passes by, just love your grandkids, love their mother even from afar. I think your doing the best you can is a sad sad tragic circumstance. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
write any time.
I have been that sad person, and I know!!!!! but I can't run I just can't!!!! although sometimes I can barely breathe.
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i am a new mother. my son was born 6 months ago. i cry all day, most days. i am home with him all day, and i know that my feelings will ultimately adversely affect him. words can't describe how badly i feel and how badly i want to be gone from him. i am thinking about leaving him with his father. i am not a competent parent and i don't think i ever will be. children need to have an emotionally consistent, nurturing parent. i don't know what is worse--to stay with him or to leave him.
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After reading your note, I felt deeply saddened.
Try to get someone, a friend, a councillor, a family member, even your doctor. THEY can help. Don't be too hard on yourself just yet, as sometimes this naturally happens to new mothers. Your harmones are still crazy and you could be in post pardom depression.
FIND some help. ARe you sad for a particullar reason, or feeling overwhelmed?
YOU may be cutting yourself short, maybe you CAN be a great and caring nurturing parent if you only give yourself the chance and find a confidant to help you. you might even be suffering when need not be, maybe you need some medical help for a while, like anti depressants. There is NO SHAME at all in asking for help and telling someone who can for help.
Your baby loves you unconditionally and he grew inside of you, IS YOU.
HE IS the only person other than yourself who matters right now. PLease reach out, you will be surprised at what is all out there for you and HIM.
I hope you DO talk to someone in a position to lend you some strength. YOU need it right now.
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Guest wrote:

i am a new mother. my son was born 6 months ago. i cry all day, most days. i am home with him all day, and i know that my feelings will ultimately adversely affect him. words can't describe how badly i feel and how badly i want to be gone from him. i am thinking about leaving him with his father. i am not a competent parent and i don't think i ever will be. children need to have an emotionally consistent, nurturing parent. i don't know what is worse--to stay with him or to leave him.



Seek out a counselor right away. It sounds like you are suffereing from post partum depression. Many new mothers experience this disorder and it is nothing to be ashamed of. There are professionals out there that can be of great help. Were you happy when you were expecting him? Was he a planned baby? Were you looking forward to his birth? If you answered yes to these questions, i think you really do have post partum.
If he was an accident and slowed your life style down, you obviously weren't ready to be a mom, but there are ways to fix it.
Because you are being tugged in both directions, leave him or stay with him, there is hope for you. Your emotions are obviously working otherwise you wouldn't give it a second thought. It is hard to get used to a little person in your life, they can be very demanding for sure. You can no longer jump in the car and go at a moments notice. There are diaper bags and bottles, and of course, the baby. When i had my first baby i got in the car one day and realized i forgot him!!! He was ready to go and waiting for me in his baby seat, still in the house. I felt horrible but i never did it again. You are probably tired as well. We think of all kinds of crazy things when we are sleep deprived. Does his dad help out physically? Do you have a backup caregiver, like mom or mom in law? Can you get out by yourself, even just to window shop?
Please don't give up yet. Look for help. Let your close family know what is going on, maybe they can offer up some support.
But on the other side of this, you have to do what is best for you and your baby. If dad can provide for him, emotionally and financially.....well, you know, i hate to say "do it" but you have to take care of your business.
Get a sitter for a few ours and go out, any where, even for a long walk or a drive. I bet you will start to miss your baby. You are overwhelmed with him and being stuck in the house with him all day. Baby's can suck the life right out of you. Be strong for him, get some help, and try to be the best mom you can, with him or if you must, without him.
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I am a mother of 3 beatuiful children i love with all my heart. I had my first when i was 16, got married to another man and had 2 more children. Now me and my ex have been divorced for3 years and i am sinking. I cant afford to even have a roof over my childrens head, i strugle everyday with money and thats the least of my problems. My kids are wonderful great well behavied children but i dont think i can do it anymore, i feel so depressed i never want to be home i am always frustered at them for doing nothing, thankfully i will relieze this and apoligize to them right away but i kinda think they may be better without me. I use to be ontop of thing and now my son is bring F's home on his report card. I have a chance to run away, i dont know if i should do it. I love this new other life i have but i cant stand the fact my children will grow up thinking i didnt love them enough, cause i do i really really love my kids but i feel so lost and confused most of the time i jsut want to sleep and not even think cause i know i am messing my life up and thiers, they need someone that will not only love them but take care of them as well. I know people will look bad at me for running but i just want my kids to know i tried, i have been wanting to run away for over a year and i keep trying not to feel like that but it keeps haunting me. If i choice to run i want to at least do it the right way, or as close to right as possible in this situation. My kids are not my onlyu problem, my family as well constintly trys to get me to do what i dont want to, they triyng to force me to stay with my ex even now after so long, all my life they have pretty much made all my choice what i wanted never matter. Since i had my child so young i followed them and allowed it to happen cause i didnt know what i was doing. Now this other life i have is smooth calm and my family knows nothing about it, i dont break the law or do anything bad just surrond myself with people that make me feel the love i had been missing for so many years. I wish i could combined my lifes but unfortuntly cause of my family it cant happen to much bad blood they caused. I am confused and just wrinting down my thoughs, please dont judge me and if u have anything to say that can help me no matter how little it is i would appreciate that. I dont know what to do its like i am completely split in half. Sorry for all the misspelled words i am kinda in an emotional state writing this. Thanks for any help any of u can offer.
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of course your depressed.
Reading your note reminds me of myself. I had one child then married had 2 more, Now single again 3 years. All I have wanted to do is sleep as it is the most comforting right now.
This is what I do, find fun small things to do with YOUR KIDS, see how they smile, think solely of that.
Those children need you to be happy, see a doctor if you must but keep their smiles in your mind and you should cry/smile. Your feelings are natural, and this new life is not what it seems if it does not include your children, the greass is NOT greener.
Join something in the community, include your kids. You will be surprised how heartlifting your kids can make you if you only open the door. and close it on the negative past and plans with god knows who ( if they want you and not your kids)
Its a ruse, don't fall for it!
Life does get better. YOU have to make it, ruunning away doesnt solve anything. The problems will be tenfold later in life.
get busy find a new mindset and suck it up, breathe!!! you can do it.
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My mother took my younger brother when I was about 11 years old to live with his father and family and left me with my grandmother. I was devastated. I didn't see or here from them for months. I couldn't understand why at the time until one of my mean uncles told me that since that wasn't my father I wouldn't be a part of their family. I'm 31 years old now with my own family. I am fortunate to have a loving husband and 3 beautiful children. I kept close contact with my mother and brother since I was 18 years old. Sad to say my brother has been destroying my mother ever since he became a teenager. I finally had enough of her lies covering up everything she does for him and told her through an email this morning how I really feel. No, my email was not nice but I've been waiting a long time to express my feelings of lost and abandoment as a child. This is a sad day for me because I told her I didn't want to be bothered with her or my brother anymore. My phones have been ringing all day and I just won't answer.
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I just came across steadyhealth and could not believe what I was reading.
My daughter also just up and left 6 weeks ago. She left behind her two children and her husband. She has a little boy that turns 1 next week, and a little girl 2 1/2.
I have never felt so helpless and sad in all my life. This feels like a living death. I have all these emotions of being sad, mad, angry at my daughter. Then when I look at my two grandbabies and feel such love and sadness for them all at the same time. It seems that I am on this rollercoaster and I can't get off.
There seems to be not answers as to why she left. There has been very little contact with her. She has only seen the children three times since she left. She says that she loves them and us but doesnt seem to want to come home. I take care of the kids while their daddy works and try to help him out as much as I can. He is hurting so much, but is doing a wonderful job with the kids. I can't complain about my son-in-law he has been there for his children.
I just wish someone could explain all this. What has happened? I look back and wonder if I could have done anything different raising her.
But I can't help but wonder if it has something to do with having her children so close together and also having so much trouble with both her pregancies. All the medication they had her on with the first child born 6 wks early. And the 2nd child born 4 wks early and her having problems after this pregancy and ending up in ICU. Could all the meds they had her on effect her mind? Seems maybe shes had a mental breakdown.
But I quess for now I will focus on helping their daddy raise them and give them all the love I know how to give. And hope and pray their mother realizes what she has left behind.
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