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I saw that there were no posts about this subject so I thought I would start one.
Tocophobia: fear of pregnancy or childbirth

I mean EVERY month I think I'm pregnant.
after I get my periods I think I'm still pregnant.
and sometimes I don't even have sex and I think I'm pregnant.
and plus I'm on birth control and my boyfriend is almost sterile (he has a 10% chance of getting a woman pregnant under perfect conditions)

does anyone else have this problem?

does anyone else experience this anxiety because it is driving not only me crazy but my boyfriend and my mom crazy also.

does anyone have any advice for me? please. I'm tired of it.

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We find on this website lots of younger girls terrified of pregnancy, personally I dont think they should be having sex at that age if they tear themselves apart over it. That is what sex is for, after all. Not an entertaining activity for everyone, although it can be enjoyable with someone you really love.

But in cases like yours there is a real psychological phobia, of course you know that rationally your chances of conceiving are minute. Does it stop you enjoying sex? I used to feel that.

You might want to go and see someone, I mean, professionally. You don't have to medicalize your fears, but they are trained in deconstructing the fear, if it truly does interfere with your day to day life, and your family and freinds.

Don't let it tear you apart. I suppose you could further your steps of contraception, such as medical ovulation monitoring as well as condoms, the pill and your partners fertility rate. So you weren't having sex on fertile days. Further nulling the chances of conceiving.

But of course, with a real phobia such as this, it may not help, if it is an irrational fear. all the precautions you can take in the world won't help, you need to tackle the phobia from its core.

Good luck x
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Like the lady who first posted the comment about fear of pregnancy i experience the same kind of fear. Except i actually feel pregnancy.. Like for example kicking in my belly.. sometimes its powerful and sometimes its not. In september-november 06 i took 4 pregnancy test that all came back negative.. two taken by my GP. These kicking sensations have been going on for roughly about.. 8 months and its really annoying me because i just want to forget about fearing pregnancy. Ive feared pregnancy ever since a few years ago when i was 15 and got pregnant but unfortunatly was forced to have an abortion. Im still with the same man i lost my virginity to but he's not sure himself what is wrong with me. Just about everyday i fear pregnancy.. especially with this kicking in my stomache. I know its not wind because i know the difference. It more a less feels like spasms.. but who gets spasms throughout the day everyday in their stomache? I have discussed this with my GP but i didn't exactly get much help and i haven't done anything in the hope my fear would go away. Can anyone tell me whats wrong and what i should do??
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helpisontheway wrote:

We find on this website lots of younger girls terrified of pregnancy, personally I dont think they should be having sex at that age if they tear themselves apart over it. That is what sex is for, after all. Not an entertaining activity for everyone, although it can be enjoyable with someone you really love.

But in cases like yours there is a real psychological phobia, of course you know that rationally your chances of conceiving are minute. Does it stop you enjoying sex? I used to feel that.

You might want to go and see someone, I mean, professionally. You don't have to medicalize your fears, but they are trained in deconstructing the fear, if it truly does interfere with your day to day life, and your family and freinds.

Don't let it tear you apart. I suppose you could further your steps of contraception, such as medical ovulation monitoring as well as condoms, the pill and your partners fertility rate. So you weren't having sex on fertile days. Further nulling the chances of conceiving.

But of course, with a real phobia such as this, it may not help, if it is an irrational fear. all the precautions you can take in the world won't help, you need to tackle the phobia from its core.

Good luck x

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I am terrified of giving birth but I love kids and cry sometimes because I want one that badly. I thought of my husband and I might try adoption but I really want my own. So I have decided to make the plunge I am just going to get pregnant. This way I will over come my peralizing fear. I will just have to get over this like I did the dentist.
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i have been afraid of being pregnant/giving birth ever since i can remember. first off, i am terrified of doctors and needles so the thoguht of being poked (having my blood drawn, etc) for 9 months and then having an iv during birth (not to mention the huge epidural) is enoguh to scare me. Next, ive never been good with invasive exams. It makes me naucious to think about all of the times i have to spread my legs for complete strangers, absolutely no privacy. next, i am deathly terrified of labor... the pain, the needles, the blood, the goop, the stretching, everything. i am afraid that i will never look the same down there, nor will my partner want anthing to do with me afterwards. And finally, worst off, i am afraid of having something growing inside of me, feeding off of my body, ruining any figure that i once had. i am very insecure about this, considreing that it would be my own child inside of me and im supposed to be able to give up my body graciously. but i just cant. and for this, i feel selfish, ashamed, embarassed, you name it. To add to the selfishness, i fear that if we did have a baby my partner would love it more than me. Its like im not willing to give him up either. This whole fear of pregnancy has stressed me out from the moment i first got into this serious relationship, and does so more and more as more time passes. its like i have to countdown because i know he wants children. I have a terrible feeling that this will eventually tear us apart, he just doesnt seem to understand. most people dont for that matter. am i weird, or does anyone have similar fears?
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reply to elb55
reading your post is like listening to my own thoughts. i am petrified of mainly giving birth, the pain,tearing etc i am also freaked out by the thought of something growing inside me. i took the plunge to get pregnant back may after losing my mum,i think losing my mum made me realise how much i wanted to be a mum and wished i had given her grandchildren. i got pregnant really quickly and i was so scared that my thoughts made me have accute panick attacks and now i have lost the baby, and i feel its due to my fears and anxiety. i dont know what to do as i want a child so much but i know when i get pregnant my anxiety only gets worse. i also feel this is eventually going to ruin my relationship.i always think that its just me thats wierd aswell but this is a phobia and i feel there should be more help out there for people like us.i hope this fear doesn't leave you of myself childless forever it would be so sad. good luck i hope you can overcome it,i think i'll just try again even though the anxiety is excruciating,i also cant bear the thought of life with no kids x
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iM 18 AND ALL MY CLOSEST FRIENDS ARE EITHER PREGO OR HAVE KIDS. I WATCH THEM NOT BE ABLE TO GO OUT OR EVEN FIND JOBS, DUE TO NO BABYSITTR. iM SO TERRIFIED TO GET PREGO THAT I CANT EVEN ENJOY SEX. i HAVE THE PHOBIA FOR SURE. EVEN IF I WANT TO HAVE SEX,,,I CANT. ALL I THINK ABOUT IS BEING PREGNANT. ITS A REAL BUMMER ACTUALLY . I MEAN IM ON bC BUT STILL I COULD BE THAT 3% YOU KNOW.
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I'm getting older and I really want to have a baby of my own. I always thought I'd adopt, but that hasn't happened and not sure of that any more. I have had three abortions, one at 19, another around 24 and one just recently at age 36. i also had one tubal pregnancy that they had to dissolve safely. and took plan B morning after pill 2times. I have an intense fear of being pregnant, going through the pregnancy, and especially of giving birth. this last pregnancy i tried to go through with it but i too had acute panic and sever depression. so i just couldn't go through with it and i feel less than as a woman, weaker for my fear and wish i could be like women who want to have kids and just do it so naturally and calmly. i don't like getting exams, i have had my fear of pregnancy and birth since i can remember. i wish i could be strong enough to just do it. i fear how i will work and pay my bills, how my body will turn out, especially now that i am older. and how i will make it, and if i'll regret it. i wake up feeling lonely and wonder why i was never normal enough to have a family. and want one so badly, i think of growing old alone and with no children or grandchildren. i think about this daily, it's always plagued me, but only gets worse with age, i wish i would have just been brave enough to have all the babies instead of the abortions. i was terrified and it was like the only way out the only answer to my fear. is there any way to have a baby even when you are insanely terrified of it? this last time i tried to get pregnant thinking i could go through with it, and had the abortion because i couldn't go on with the fear. i don't want to do that again. is there any help? can people plan c-sections?
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I have spent most of my life (as long as I can really remember) having no desire to physically have my own child. I have always intended to foster or adopt children (not infants)...and so never really focused on my intense fear of pregnancy, labor and delivery. Until I recently found out that I am unexpectedly pregnant. I have known for 6 weeks now and have been battling depression, anger, and hatred (that sounds awful, I know). For my husband and I adoption or abortion are not options (I judge no one for these choices, but I can't do them myself)...and so I am feeling terrified that I have NO options. I truthfully don't want the baby...and then I feel like a horrible person for thinking this way. My husband has been INCREDIBLY patient, but as yet nothing has budged...no glimmer of excitement or hope. I have the same fears that several other women have listed: needles, invasive exams, doctors in general, giving blood/having blood drawn, and finally labor/delivery. I don't know what to do...if anyone has experienced this and turned out "alright" please offer me some hope.
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Ever since I can remember, I claimed I was never going to have children. During my teens I was very promiscuous and constantly feared pregnancy. Luckily, I didn't get pregnant till I was 21 yrs. old. I opted to get an abortion and it was easy to justify because I was young an did not care for the guy I was with and had not accomplished any of the goals that I had planned for myself. Years later at 27 I found myself pregnant again. This time I knew that I was old enough and I was with my fiance in a stable relationship, but I had not finished my degree and was not financially where I wanted to be. During both pregnancies I was horribly sick all the time so I was miserable and could not imagine enduring it for 7 more mths. Now I'm 30 yrs old. I'm still scared sh*tless. I feel like I'm the only one with this fear, everyone around me has a child.Don't want to end up like one of those sad older people who have nothing to do with their lives and no family to care for. How do I get over this fear.
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I, as well, have an extreme fear of pregnancy/childbirth and doctors ever since age 12. I have no 'natural' maternal instincts, and it angers me to think about giving up my dreams and time to raise a child.

So far, I've had one miscarriage, one birth, one severe pregnancy scare, and two abortions.

Yes, I did bear one child (conceived when I was far too young) only because I couldn't find a doctor who would give me an abortion. I felt forced to bear him and have been resentful raising him as a single mother, but I am glad that he is my son. I did loose my career and everything I had going for myself, but I gained a whole new world of childhood firsts that I have enjoyed. I still don't have maternal instincts and had to learn everything from books and pretend my way through ;even though, I always felt more like his sister rather than his mother.

But the experience of having a high risk pregnancy and all the extra doctor visits and the excruciating birth experience (by luck relieved by the assistance of a masseuse), increased my fear 10-fold of getting pregnant again.

The fear is so great that I'll panic during sex when I think I might have been impregnated, even when it's no where near my ovulating time, and I'll test and retest for pregnancy daily and do all sorts of home remedies to ensure my safety, which have made me very sick in the past and I do -not- recommend them. Even right now, I fear that I am pregnant again and dread the appointment I need to make to make sure I'm not.

After so many years of miserable relationships, I've finally been blessed with an understanding partner, and a good therapist. My now fiance also has a child and we both agree that we don't need more, and after talking over all the options and risks, he is getting a vasectomy to help ease my fears so we can have more freedom in our relationship without the interfering fears related to pregnancy.

Before reading this thread, I thought that I was out of place in fearing motherhood... afterall that is what we are taught as the woman's purpose on earth. What I've learned is that it isn't our only purpose, only one of many. Our real purpose is to love... whether it be our own child, an adopted child, the neighbor's or friend's child, a relative's child... etc. children come into our lives in all sorts of ways... we don't need to be the biological mother, to care for the many children out there who need a little more encouragement from good and caring role models.

All-in-all there are more logical reasons -not- to have a child, than there is to have one. There's no need to push yourself to be 'normal', or to give into motherhood cravings. Motherhood is not our only purpose, and not something we were sent here to do.

I am relieved when I am ensured that I am not pregnant.
I am relieved that I have had the experience of motherhood.
I am relieved that I have helped to raise so many children in my life though being a teacher.
I am relieved that I am now helping to raise my fiance's youngling.

But I would never bear my own again... I refuse to go through it again... but that won't stop me from doing my share of raising the children of the world. The population is high enough, we don't need to add to it. Is much better to give our time and excess to help raise the children who are already living on our planet and need good, wizened people to turn to when they too have our questions and fears.

I hope my ramblings and experience helps someone to be less attached to the fear. The anxiety is very real, but it does not need to be destructive and there are options to deal with the anxiety. Speak with a therapist about your fear. Find a therapist who will listen and is willing to help you overcome this anxiety, and feel more confident about the choices you are making with birth control, and know all of your options to do in case you do become pregnant. The greatest power is knowledge. Learn all you can from accredited sources. :-)

And most of all, Take care of yourself, and don't fall into being resentful. There is reason and good in everything that seems out of our control.

~All the best!
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I am nearly old and I have suffered with tokophobia all my life as far as I can recall. I doubled up and tripled up on birth control, and I lost several really good relationships because I just couldn't bring myself to have a child. I would tell the men I didn't want children, which was a lie, and I would lose the relationship or in some cases would not even be asked out.
I am now in a position that when my mother dies I will have no relatives to speak of. I am single, not a date in sight, and she is over 80. When she dies, I am literally alone and so desperately sad.

I am seriously considering finding a therapist to deal with the grief of being alone and being menopausal, meaning that I will never have a child.

I knew I could never do it, never have a child. I would have had to commit suicide, I even planned the suicide once when I thought I was pregnant. Mercifully I was not. I was pregnant one time and had a miscarriage, it was such a bad experience I would never even consider pregnancy and childbirth. That experience ended any thought of even attempting to consider looking for a therapist for the phobia. I was a disaster after that miscarriage. The experience was so bad, so hellish, that I thought I was going to have nightmares forever after it. There is no way I could get through a pregnancy or childbirth, obviously.

But the sadness is awful now. I always thought I could find a husband, someone would want me, but nobody did. I lost the love of my life twice due to not being willing to have a child, and since I could never tell people the truth, they just thought I was some tough girl who didn't like children. I couldn't tell them the truth because I am certain I would have been forced into a pregnancy in some way or another, and then I would either have to have an abortion or commit suicide.

There is no other option for me, and it is so sad at this age.
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I am 25 and recently married. All my life I have wanted to be a mother. I even want 4 kids and somehow, someway I plan on giving birth to each and every one of them. Yet, I am terrified. I am not scared of labor at all but I am scared of something growing inside of me. I don't want to feel it kick and I don't want it to make me sick or cause me to have mood swings. My mood is already fickle enough. I have generalized anxiety disorder and many other phobias to go along with it. I am afraid that all of these things are going to make me a horrible mother or worse yet, that I will be one of those mothers who suffers from postpartum psychosis.

My husband tells me that this is nonsense. That I am maternal and a natural born mother, but this doesn't make me any less afraid to be pregnant. I wish I could just skip the whole pregnancy and get our baby. Surrogacy maybe, but who can afford that? Not me.

I am determined to find a way to do this. I want it too badly to keep myself from doing it. However, I am too scared to just jump in and do it. I don't think I could go forward with getting an abortion once I got myself pregnant. I am afraid that I would end up being miserably depressed and anxious for 9 months.

I don't want else to say other than I am so terrified. Has anyone been in this position before, went through with the pregnancy and had a good experience? I need to hear some hopeful stories to give me reason to believe that I can do this.

Thanks for your help :-)
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here's an article i found online detailing one woman's experience with anxiety and pregnancy...hope it helps a little.

encourageconnection.com/art07.html
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