I am 62. been on morphine sulfate for 4 years because of severe pain.(hit by drunk driver. needed spinal fusions and plates) I have a wonderful doctor who is leaving her practice this August. referred me to another pain management doctor who upon results of my bloodwork...saw I did not have the breakthru med..oxycontin in my system. I did not ever want to take that and so I did not. told my doctor I would rather not be prescribed it at all. but it is part of the federal pain management program to be prescribed a break thru med. I flushed them down the toilet every month. I did not know what else to do with such an amount of drugs that I just could not take. it violated my faith taking morphine..(and I had to really work on that in order to start taking morphine).....it would have twice violated me to take the second drug...and I am scared of all these drugs.  I was told by the new pain management doctor that they can not help me with pain management. I am non-compliant. I have been weaning myself off the morphine. I have until August to get free. I am using Kratom when it's too hard and that helps...but don't want to become dependent on that either. so using it carefully and cutting my 15 mg morphine sulfate tabs in half for the evening dose. I am down from 90 in the am and 90 mgs in the pm to 15 in the am and 7.5 in the pm. it has not been as bad as others testimonials...I am grateful. it is hard never the less. emotionally...it is very hard. I have been trying to get off the SSRI drugs they prescribed for pain management before I found a doctor who would prescribe real pain medicine for me. the drunk hit me in 1994...and they put me on  first zoloft then prozac. since then...that same doctor who I no longer have..was killing me slowly...with all the drugs....I had to find someone to help me and who would not keep switching my SSRI drug everytime a new one came out...and would respect my desire to get off of them. all this really hurt my ability to feel like a normal person. went thru a lot of hard side effects that no one would help me with or even believe. doctors have helped me and hurt me. until 4 years ago when God blessed me with a doctor who understands the Hippocratic oath and put me on morphine sulfate. took her 3 months to convince me it was okay and I would benefit. she was right. it got me out of bed and able to enjoy my grandchildren and life again. she understands my avoidance behavior of drugs. but now she is leaving the practice and I must get off the morphine as no one now...will help me because I refuse to take more drugs than I feel I should. I have been fine with morphine alone and gifts of compassion in the form of edible medical cannabis from time to time. it is not legal yet in the state I live in so I have only learned how helpful it is a few times. that is another thing. the new pain place did not tell me I would be tested for cannabis in my system and they found traces and accused me of smoking pot. I have Pulmonary Fibrosis and smoke nothing. ever. and have never been a smoker except for trying it as a teenager. it was not for me. I was so broken and made to feel ashamed at the new doctors office that I can never go back there. I am so upset about this federal program and how cruel they treat patients with real needs. I am using Ayurvedic herbs to help me thru this hard time...of physical pain and mental anguish.  am I going to be okay? right now...it feels like I will never be okay again. I also had a traumatic brain injury in 2009. I have been working with injured and orphaned wild birds for 20 years and had an accident in my own back  yard that left me very broken and in another worldly way for the first 4 years. I lost those years. I feel desperate to help myself and others find a way out of this nightmare of drugs being pushed on us with no empathy or compassion when they decide to pull the plug on us. that is too much control over innocent people. they pretty much told me...*can't help you. go die somewhere. we need compliant people.*  I have drug avoidance behavior. they will not help me. I would have had peace at the 30 mg level twice a day...for the rest of my...time running out...life. I am looking at this as God's Hand to set me free from a bad bad government control situation. they have no regard for individuals. they seem to see us as a crop to harvest for their own gain of wealth.  I would like to be a blessing to my family..not a burden like I am now. I do not want to be angry or resentful over what has happened.  right now...I feel very scared and that is a terrible feeling...when I actually have much to be so thankful for...and I am..but this scared feeling is all over me. is this part of the withdrawal?