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I don't know what is wrong with me. When I fall in love I get depressed, even in relationship. So every relationship fails eventually. I don't understand why I can't focus on that...why I am feeling like this. Do I need professional help? Please, if someone could clear this to me, because it is very confusing.

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I guess that some underlying cause for your falling into depression lies in fact that depression keeps people so focused on selves, so they don't get outside themselves enough to be able to learn to love. The more you can focus on others the better you are going to do in love. Read your partner's need, and this is a very tough skill for people to learn in our narcissistic culture.
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i start out all charming and feeling in control of myself and once the relationship goes on for a while i start to self destruct. i feel insecure. i worry. i feel like i have half the personaility i used to. its like chinese water torture because when you started you were great but take a snap shot a year later and its unreal. i feel your pain. i dunno if itll ever happen the normal way
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Paulita,
I am in the same boat for the last two years I guess. The same thing really, it seems like the intensity depends on how much I like them. I am not having trouble being single but I don't want to feel like I will miss out out on love because of this. I haven't always been this way and I am very confused about it.
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Doesn't anyone have an answer for this? Isn't their some science behind it? I'm not self-absorbed, far from it. NEVER think of myself. But whenever I get in a relationship I ALWAYS get depressed, start eating more... What's wrong with me? I do not have low self-esteem or anything, I really have no reason to be upset. It's ridiculous and it's making me so frustrated. I have an amazing boyfriend right now, but I easily get depressed when I'm with him... Or when I think of him. It was like this throughout a whole two-year long prior relationship too... Will I ever be happy with someone? Or am I just meant to be alone my whole life?
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If your a jealous person in general.. maybe you get easily distracted or depressed because you think about the person having fun with some1 else.. but try being happy around them.. and youl see that they are happy wen your happy.. maybe its a cycle of deppresion.. if u look depressed and feel it, u wont show ur true feelings.. u shud just try talking to the person about it.. and say it honestly that they make u nervous.. maybe ur just depressed because u might think you'll lose them some day.. and that shud be a reason for u to be happy and hold on as much as possible, not be depressed all the time.. im not saying you should but a few drinks and honesty helps a lot.. maybe u feel ur hiding sumthin from each other.
P.S im in the same situation and telling my love usualy helps..
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I'm like this too. Whenever i talk to my boyfriend i'm always in a depressed mood, my voice changes, i become moody and sensitive and jealous. I start crying whenever i try to tell him how i feel so i don't usually tell him in the first place. Its ruining every relationship i get in.
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I think there is science in this for men anyway.

I think it is related to testosterone. When a man gets in a relationship his testosterone lowers, it is a natural thing, it makes him stay home and look after everyone rather than be out on the prowl for other mates. Although to a woman this seems like a good thing, to a man he will feel that he has lost a major part of him, even though he may not want any other woman, he is lacking drive to do something.

This is my solution, you need something else to give you that drive, if you want to stay with the woman, try and find a hobby which you can get really passionate about, don't worry if this doesn't come straight away, give it time, you will soon find something else to give you drive, thus, increase your testosterone and get happy again. It is all biological. Look up testosterone levels of married men and men in relationships, then, look up effects of low testosterone. A couple of google searches will back up everything I said.
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I can understand where your coming from with the testosterone, and that does make some sense. But my concern is if that doesn't work for me... I will end up lonely forever!
I'm not getting any younger and I have had quite a few relationships in my past, one of which was fantastic.. She was stunning, and I couldn't have wished for a better person. We had so much in common and she was such a kind and caring person. She would do anything for me... but because I get depressed, its as though i hit that self destruct button I treated her terribly and I ended up blowing it. Then I went back to my life that I had before, thinking it would make me happy..as i always believe...then the the vicious cycle happens again.. I meet some one and end up blowing it because of all this. Its not as though I dont have any hobbies because I do...I always try to keep myself busy in and out of work..I have even done this whilst I have been in relationships,..Maybe I am just destined to be on my own..because I know in my heart I have already lost my true love due to this..
Surely there must be some kind of medication out there to help people in my situation, becuase ever thing I have tried leads me back to my lonely old life...
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Maybe you went for the girl because she was stunning and lovely and simply, you didn't get on. I have just came out of a relationship, my girlfriend was the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, loved me dearly, but, we didn't have anything in common.

OK, I was working, had my own son, final part of university and my brother died which would have made anyone grumpy and depressed, but, when it boils down to it, I always had an underlying problem that I couldn't do my own thing and we had nothing in common.

Next girl for me, which won't be for ages will not be so intense and will have some sort of common interest.

Ask yourself, did you actually get on? We didn't, we just seemed like a good couple because we were both good people.
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No, that wasn't how that relationship was for me. We did get on.. great..This particular girl was everything I had ever wanted, and we did have so much in common. She did not, and still does not compare to any others. Not even close. This is why I can't understand why i do this when I am so happy?.I just don't think I am cut out for any relationship.. good or bad.

Very sorry to hear of you sad news, that must have been very hard for you to have to deal with on your own. And its a shame you relationship did not work out either... I would ask you to hook me up with her as she sounds great, and things in common or not.. good people can be hard to find!.. especially if she is as beautiful and caring as you say!! but i know that the issues I have are with myself and no one else.. so would probably only blow it like the others anyway!
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paulita wrote:

I don't know what is wrong with me. When I fall in love I get depressed, even in relationship. So every relationship fails eventually. I don't understand why I can't focus on that...why I am feeling like this. Do I need professional help? Please, if someone could clear this to me, because it is very confusing.

i am the same way.i just fell in love with a girl that is really really attractive! very stunning! but when im not with her or i think of her with other guys i get depressed i know i should want her to have fun but shes the only good thing in my life and i love her soooo much.... ***edited by moderator*** ** inappropriate posting** DEPRESSION
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Bloody hell I'm exactly the same! What I've noticed is that the couple of times I've been in love, I've let other things in my life slip and focused on the person/ relationship too much. Then stopped being the cool/ sassy/ in control/ confident person they liked me for originally and kind of taken on too much of their outlook, life etc. I stop caring about what I think! And I don't focus enough on my own stuff because this person seems more important. Because I just want them! It's silly and counter-productive... I say, back off from the relationship, do your own thing, remember it might or might not work out- but make sure if it doesn't you still have a life to go back to! Good luck!
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I guess I'm in the same boat. For the last 3 years now every time I've started a relationship eventually the depression starts in. It's now getting to the point where I'm dreading it, just waiting for the avalanche to hit me. At fist I kind of dismissed it to just my instincts letting me know something was wrong but with my current relationship (which has only been 2 months now) he's everything I ever wanted/hilarious/sweet/charming/etc. So now I'm at a loss and checking into therapy and trying to stay hopeful. I wasn't always like this. I had a 4 year relationship and a 2 year relationship with no strange doubts or depression starting out (only towards the end when things were deteriorating which is a more normal as relationship evolutions go I think) I don't think I'm narcissistic, if anything I care deeply for the other person and feel terrible about what I am putting them (and myself) through (this worry about their wellbeing of course heightens the depression)

So long story short: I am a normal happy girl that is fine being alone and does not seek suitors out, but also is not shutting out love when someone I like comes along. So once the courtship starts everything is great for a while and then we know what happens then... I'm going to try to stay hopeful :-P
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I have something to ask anyone who says they get depressed in a relationship.

Its a bit personal but was it a sexual relationship?
I firmly believe that sex, for some reason can change the relationship into something self destructive.

I suffer from the exact issue. Its consuming my life. And it all leads back to the first time we had sex. Before that all was wonderful. Its gone downhill from there. I'm not saying this is correct, thats why im asking anyone else
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