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a radtke
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Joined: 23 Dec 2006
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 Posted: 12/23/06 - 21:37 Post subject: what to do now that my husband has hit my child? will he do |
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 i need to know what to do know that my husband hit my son. He knows what he did was wrong but i dont know if i should let him back in our lives or if i should leave him. I am so confused i want to protect my kids but i keep making excuses for my husband. He is on medication but it does not seem to be working and has an appointment to see a therapist. I am so angry at him for this but at the same time i fell so bad for him that i told him to leave. I fell like i need to find a place for him to stay and make sure that he is eating. He asked me if he got better if i and the kids would want him back. For the kids i would allow it if he gets better but i dont know if i can be with him again. This is not the first time he has got so angry that he has hit someting. He is always hitting the dog and screaming at me i need to know what i should do. Will he continue to do this? help me out here with some advise |
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pghfoxfan
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Joined: 12 Dec 2006
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| Posted: 12/24/06 - 15:24 Post subject: |
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| Me personally? I would take the kids, dog and myself and leave him. He sounds unstable to me. He needs help with anger control issues. |
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brikka
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| Posted: 12/31/06 - 06:28 Post subject: |
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Listen, you seem very discouraged of your life, I have to admit, I was spanked when I was a kid, its normal, you gotta raise your kid. I believe your more likely to make your kid a delinquant by leaving your husband. If you gonna leave every man that seems a bit weird your life is not going to end anywhere, this american mentality has to end, or you will soon have a spree of divorces. I believe you should maybe talk to your husband, let him talk to you, explain to him things, and don't act so "oh my god he hit the dog" your over-reacting and therefore are shocking him, and your whole family, what do you want him to be a sweet little puppy, well unless he's gay your not going to find that. men are agressive in some ways, if you make him take medication, its even worst, since he will let all the anger at once, work with the problems, dont work with medication. please, it might help your family.
and pghfoxfan, we are all unstable in a way or another, i might call you unstable by the fact your nick name suits that you are a fan of something so irrelevant in our life that you might be considered insane by many. Wachout how you state yourself, or you might end up in a mental institue one day the same way your critisize others. |
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pghfoxfan
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| Posted: 01/01/07 - 20:32 Post subject: |
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Thank you brikka for your concern about my mental health and my user name.
Being "weird" and being abusive are 2 different things. No one should allow another person to abuse them, mentally or physically.
IMO, there is a difference between discipline and abuse.
If the person above thought that her husband was discipling either her child or dog, I doubt she would have posted this thread. I believe that she posted it because she feels he has crossed that line to abuse.
My apologies if I misunderstood her. |
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PhoneutriaFae
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Joined: 18 Oct 2007
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| Posted: 10/22/07 - 04:16 Post subject: |
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I believe you should get him into intensive therapy, and KEEP HIM IN IT EVEN IF HE STARTS TO SEEM BETTER!!!
My father was supposed to be getting anger management for his problems, and yet he would stop as soon as he heard something he didn't like (like you don't throw your daughter into the wall to get her out of the way)...or he'd stay in counseling for awhile and then he would start to get better...and then he'd stop going, and things would get worse again. He was an alcoholic, and was very sexual with both me and my sister...I do not have to see him anymore because of the abuse I went through with him from the age of six to a few years ago (I am seventeen now). But he is still in my sister's life, and he finds ways to make life not so great for everyone involved, whether it is verbal, physical, or sexual abuse. Lately he's just been sticking to the verbal abuse...I have never felt the same after the last time he threw me into the wall, I hit it head on the wall and-the only word I can think of that properly fits is 'stubbed'-my neck...it has never felt the same, for weeks it hurt very badly, and the doctors could not find anything wrong with it, but I have to constantly massage and twist/stretch and pop/crack it...I will not go into detail of all the things my father has done, but I do remember the bloody nights when I got bloodstains all over my wooden floor...Abuse never gets better on its own, it gets worse, much worse...and if you let your children be abused, they will often get stuck in the cycle of abuse, they will become abusers or abuse seekers...If your husband hits your children again, do not give him another chance, because they could end up hurt, or even killed.
You do not ever let someone hit your children and get away with it...this does not mean revenge, but you must get your children away if this EVER happens again, no matter how sorry your husband is...Do some research on abuse and abuse hotlines, just Google it, you'll be able to find help if things do get worse...
I will pray that you all can live healthily and happily together |
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my2cents
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Joined: 12 Apr 2007
Posts: 175
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| Posted: 10/29/07 - 04:50 Post subject: |
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| brikka wrote: | Listen, you seem very discouraged of your life, I have to admit, I was spanked when I was a kid, its normal, you gotta raise your kid. I believe your more likely to make your kid a delinquant by leaving your husband. If you gonna leave every man that seems a bit weird your life is not going to end anywhere, this american mentality has to end, or you will soon have a spree of divorces. I believe you should maybe talk to your husband, let him talk to you, explain to him things, and don't act so "oh my god he hit the dog" your over-reacting and therefore are shocking him, and your whole family, what do you want him to be a sweet little puppy, well unless he's gay your not going to find that. men are agressive in some ways, if you make him take medication, its even worst, since he will let all the anger at once, work with the problems, dont work with medication. please, it might help your family.
and pghfoxfan, we are all unstable in a way or another, i might call you unstable by the fact your nick name suits that you are a fan of something so irrelevant in our life that you might be considered insane by many. Wachout how you state yourself, or you might end up in a mental institue one day the same way your critisize others. |
You are being quite inappropriate in your posts by verbally attacking others whose opinion you don't agree with. Well, thats life, and they are entitled to their opinion. And I happen to agree with both of them. A woman doesn't need a man in her life to make it complete, nor to raise a happy, well adjusted child. Especially not one who is abusive toward young children and animals.
The point is this: Well adjusted people do not hit children, or animals. Period. There is never a reason to do so. Have you ever seen a dog (or a child) that has been abused extensively during its life? Its not a pretty sight, I assure you. What remains is a quivering being, scared to death of all things human. It takes quite a lot of love and care to bring that being back into a comfort zone. A child raised in a loving, violence free home will more often than not grow up to be more stable than one who is raised under abusive, even violent conditions.
Oh, and the statement you made about all men being 'aggressive,' unless, as you put it, they are gay. Well that is just plain wrong. I have no idea how you were raised, or under what circumstances, but not all men are aggressive. Most men are more civilized than that. Aggression is a trait commonly found in criminals, and mentally disturbed people. It is not a trait which is normally exhibited by a well adjusted, 'normal' adult male. And that does not make them "gay."
Violence is NEVER the answer.
Bottom line is this: A woman and her child (or children) should never feel forced, or threatened to stay in any relationship they feel is destructive, or harmful - in any way, whether it be toward them, their children, or both. Violence and aggression are strong arm tactics for those who lack the mental capacity to work through things in a more adult like, and civilized manner. I believe you are suggesting that she must stay with him - regardless of anything he does. And if she disagrees with him, for whatever reason, she needs to keep quiet about it because hey, after all, he is a man. Its perfectly normal for a male to be agressive? I, for one, do not agree with that mentality.
Its 2007, and women have come a long way in this country, and in many ways. And its about time. There is still much work to be done, but there have been tremendous strides made in the quest for equality. It is long overdue. Life is way too short to have to settle for anything less than total contentment, happiness, and safety within any type of relationship. And that, is my opinion... |
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Guest
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| Posted: 08/14/08 - 00:00 Post subject: |
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I seem like a well adjusted person,too,but from time to time I spank/hit my child when he is acting in a way I deem unacceptable. Ive talked to many people about this and I'm not saying its a black/white thing,yet most black people agree with me that its ok while white people do not.
Some people believe its never ok to hit a child and I disagree. I guess it depends on someone's definition on child abuse. A swat on the hand b/c that child was about to touch a stove or hurt themselves I think is ok. |
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