would you leave your husband/wife if.....?????

latin_gurl · Newbie Joined: 05 Sep 2006 Posts: 19

I just wanted to ask you ladies/men a question. Would you leave your husband/wife if he/she decided that he/she didnt want children and you desperatly wanted them?

Even if you all had decided before you got married that you wanted to have a family and then after you all were married he/she just said, NO i dont want them?

How would that make you feel? Would you be angry and leave? or would you support his/her decision and stay with him/her and never have children because he/she says so?

Thanks for your inputs!

snoopy · Guest

The decision to have children should be a joint decision and if he agreed to start a family prior to your marriage and found out that he did not want any once married then YES I would be pissed off and angry!!

My partner and I have decided to have children and I certainly love him dearly. If he turned around and told me that once after marriage that he did not want any...then unfortunately I would leave him and why you ask?? I would hope and think that this person that I was about to marry was all 100% for having children. To turn around and change his mind will devastate me. If he does not want any children then that is his decision although I would move on by leaving him. Very Happy

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Guest · Posted: 09/19/06 - 08:56 Post subject:

its not my husband that doesnt want them, i just thought i'd ask because i have a friend who's going through that and i thought i would get the opinions of others to see how they feel about something like this, but i totally agree with you. thanks!

Guest · Posted: 09/19/06 - 14:04 Post subject:

if my husband told me he is all for having kids before we get married, and then after marriage he has decided not to have any children i will be very upset, i'd be a mad black woman! i'd beat my husbands ass! but thats just me. as far as i know my husband and i are TTC. we have been unfortunate but hopefully we have a miracle.godbless and hope you get what you want.

KHolly001 · Posted: 09/20/06 - 23:14 Post subject:

well the better question is.. why the change of heart? is the marriage happy? i have a five year old son from a previous relationship and i told my (now) husband that i probably would never have him a child. i just didn't want to have another baby. i went thru it alone and the thought of that happening again terrified me. he wants to have a child more than life itself. and now that we are married i have changed my mind and we are trying with the condition that its one child and then he goes to get snipped. you have to wonder what made him change his mind. if he's not unhappy, has he had a buddy or two that recently had children and it's putting strain on them or thier marriages? parenthood is a scary thing, especially to men. i would dig a little deeper before i made any hasty decisions.

Milly · Guest

I agree with KHolly101. Definitely dig deep and find out the REASON behind the change of heart. If he loves your friend then he will be honest with her and share his concerns rather than just giving a shortended "no, I don't want kids anymore". If he does not want to discuss the reasons for why he's changed his mind and he is insensitive to her feelings about the situation AND on top of that insists on retracted on a decision they made together prior to marriage, well, then I would definitely seek counseling first and if that did not work....personally, I would not be able to stay with someone so selfish. You can't make a mutual decision, get married and then retract it and expect the other partner to just accept it because they are your spouse. It is unfair to them. Your friend disclosed prior to getting married that she wanted children. If her husband did not want children, he should have chosen another woman to marry. I'm sure if she had known this was going to happen, she would have said no when he popped the question.

I hope they can work it out.

latin_gurl · Newbie Joined: 05 Sep 2006 Posts: 19

Thank you Milly

Lonna · Guest

I am in a very similar situation. I have been married for seven years. My husband and I agreed before we married that we wanted two children, but we did not agree on when. I started wanting to have kids about four years ago, but he has not been ready. My patience has run out. I have told him that I will leave him if he keeps postponing having children. We are about to go to counseling. I am confident that we will be able to work it out. Tell your friend to demand that they go to counseling so they can try to reach an agreement. If he refuses, she should leave him.

latin_gurl · Newbie Joined: 05 Sep 2006 Posts: 19

Thank you Lonna

mica8898 · Newbie Joined: 04 Dec 2006 Posts: 2

would you leave your husband/wife if.....?????

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