Homeschooling: Answers To Questions You Didn't Dare To Ask

Where will your child attend school? Many millions of parents all across the world don't have to spend time pondering this question, because the answer is already obvious — the local public school, of course! Those with the means and inclination to do so may instead consider private schools or alternative educational systems such as Montessori and Waldorf. Homeschooling, on the other hand, is still the domain of "weirdos". Might you be one of them?

Homeschooling is on the rise. The 2012 US census suggests that three percent of school-aged of that country's children are now homeschooled, and their data also reveals that worries about the kind of environment children would encounter in brick and mortar schools are among the most common reasons that lead parents to decide to go down this particular rabbit hole [1]. In England and Wales, meanwhile, only a meager 0.5 percent of children are estimated to be "home educated", as UK folks tend to prefer to call homeschooling — but data the BBC got from local authorities indicates that the practice has risen by 40 percent between 2015 and 2018 [2]. There's still no doubt that homeschooling isn't anywhere on the radar for most people, mind you. Families who consider it have to be willing to march to the beat of their own drums, to be just a little bit different. 

The thought of homeschooling may cross your mind when:

• Your child's academic or social needs are not met at school
• Your child has medical issues that make regular school attendance a problem
• You disagree with the school's educational philosophy
• You take issue with the way in which your child's school has gone about meeting your child's academic and social needs 

The list goes on. Whatever your reasons for considering home education, there is no doubt that the prospect can be daunting. 

The last few decades of American history have proven that homeschoolers can and do excel academically and get accepted into colleges. It's not hard to find online comments about the political merits of homeschooling either, though I have to say that it's possible to be a genuine leftist without being an unschooler and not all homeschooling families are in it to ensure their kids don't learn about evolution or sex in public schools. 

What Is Homeschooling, And Why Would You Want To Do It?

Homeschooling can be defined as family-directed education, as opposed to institution-directed education. Non-homeschoolers may have visions of a mom teaching her kids math at the kitchen table. Though this can happen, homeschooling doesn't mean that all learning occurs in the home on a tight schedule, or that homeschooling families attempt to recreate the public school experience in their homes. 

Homeschools are as varied as families themselves. I educate my children loosely following neo-classical principles, for example. Our homeschool is rich in languages — including Latin — and we emphasize literature and history studies. Others get inspiration from Charlotte Mason or Maria Montessori, unschool, or have an eclectic (mix and match) approach.

There are many different ways in which parents can organize their child's education. Many choose to make co-ops and academic and other extracurricular activities an integral part of the experience. Some hire tutors for certain subjects. Others still make use of virtual schools. Though these schools are technically public schools, such children do learn at home. 

You might find yourself wondering why parents would want to homeschool, rather than being interested in exactly how they do it. "One of the things I really love about homeschooling is that there is no single answer to this kind of question," Amy Sharony, the editor of the homeschool magazine Home/School/Life told us.

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"Every homeschooler I meet has a different story about why she started homeschooling. Sure, there are common themes — problems with traditional schools, the desire to have more family time, educational philosophy — but ultimately, every homeschool family has its own individual reason for homeschooling and its own unique way of putting together a homeschool life. I think homeschoolers as a group are incredibly diverse."

What About Socialization?

Among the most common questions homeschooling families receive is the dreaded: "But what about socialization?". Dreaded? Yes, because this question pops up so often that it becomes pretty tiring. Amy Sharony shares:  "I will say that when people ask me about homeschoolers and socialization, I always want to do an Inigo Montoya and say 'I do not think that word means what you think it means'. Unless homeschool parents are somehow locking their children in the basement and away from any human interaction whatsoever, their kids are going to be socialized. When people ask about socialization, they seem to really want to know whether homeschooled kids have social lives, which is not the same thing."

Oh? It isn't the same thing? Right — socialization can be defined as "the means by which social and cultural continuity are attained". That means children are learning all about society and its rules and figure out where they fit into the whole game. Society is certainly nothing like a traditional classroom, in which thirty odd same-aged peers spend much of the day together. In order to be properly socialized, exposure to people of different ages and backgrounds is required. There is no doubt that this need can be met in a homeschool setting. Unless, as Amy says, parents do lock their kids in the basement.

Now, what about socializing? Can a homeschooled child's social life ever be as exciting as that of a public schooled peer? Amy homeschools her children, who are 12 and six years old. She says: "I think we have to ask how much of that school time kids actually get to spend socializing. When my daughter was in school, they weren't allowed to chat with each other at lunch, much less during class time."

Schools don't offer nearly the same amount of social interaction as they did when we were children, in other words. That is a shame. Amy adds: "I would argue that homeschoolers have better opportunities to flex their social muscle than kids in school: In my experience, homeschoolers typically have more free time to socialize and more exposure to people of different ages and backgrounds."

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This matches my own experience. Because I am able to offer my children one-on-one instruction, we can get our schoolwork done more quickly than public schools can. My kids don't have to wait for their turn, queue up for lunch, or fight for their teacher's attention. There is no "empty time"; we can focus on academic and creative activities for the duration of our school day. That means my third grader is done after about three hours, while my first grader only spends around an hour and a half on schoolwork. After they're done for the day, my children have lots of time to attend other activities and just enjoy playing with their friends — once those friends are done with their school day, of course.

How Does Homeschooling Affect The Family's Mental Health?

Some people are concerned about the psychological impact homeschooling might have on children. We'll get there in a while. Parents who are considering homeschooling should also examine how this decision could impact their own mental health — which, in turn, affects their kids' mental health. 

Parents: Look After Yourself, Too

Is homeschooling hard on a parent's mental health? I asked Amy, the editor of Home/School/Life magazine, this question. "I think it is," she admitted. "It's also pretty wonderful in lots of ways, but taking the reins of your child's education feels like a big responsibility, because it is a big responsibility."

She added: "It's easy to worry all the time. I also think homeschooling can be hard on a parent's social network — I don't know many homeschooled kids who don't have active social lives, but I know a lot of homeschooling parents who have felt lonely or isolated, especially when they first start homeschooling. Studies show that parenting can be hard on your mental health, so I'd think that goes doubly for homeschoolers, who — whether they work outside the home or stay at home — are the ultimate full-time parents."

Parents with perfectionist tendencies are at risk of burning out, especially if their plans don't work out exactly how they had hoped — something that will happen. The feeling of isolation a parent may experience can be overcome, and it's not a universal experience by any means: as homeschooling is becoming more popular, it's easier to connect with other homeschooling parents. Other people are also far less likely to raise eyebrows because of your educational choices. 

There are other potential challenges as well. It is, I think, important that the homeschool parent truly enjoys homeschooling. I appreciate the fact that no day is the same, and that educating my children is something that does stimulate me intellectually. Every step of the way has been exciting. I felt great when my first child read her first (simple) book all by herself, and when she mastered all her multiplication tables, and the first time I caught her reading a book in the middle of the night. Now that she is a little older, having meaningful conversations — about the Roman Empire, and her friends, and piercings, and climate change — is a lot of fun as well. 

Mentally, you may never truly get a break from homeschooling. That is why it's so important to ensure that you do have a social life of your own, and that your partner is very supportive of what you're doing. Remember: public school teachers and children get breaks sometimes. Don't forget to do the same thing.

Is Homeschooling Bad For A Kid's Mental Health?

As a homeschool parent, I can say that I am absolutely certain home education itself is not bad for a child's mental health. My children are thriving, both academically and socially. They have the freedom to be themselves and are not subjected to peer pressure in the same way their public schooled friends are. The greater degree of autonomy they enjoy adds to their confidence. 

Were we ever to end up in a situation where the kid's needs cannot be met in a homeschool setting, we do know that homeschooling isn't a "life sentence". We are free to choose a different option should that different option ever make more sense. As the children get older, they become active participants in the decision-making process as well. 

Do some homeschooled children find themselves in abusive family situations? Absolutely. The Coalition for Responsible Home Education (CRHE) was founded by a group of formerly homeschooled people who were also raised in abusive situations that included educational neglect, physical abuse, sexual abuse, and just plain bad parenting. These people mainly hail from what could be described as the "Christian patriarchy movement", a fringe movement that promotes wifely submission, physical punishment, and fewer educational choices for women.

However, abuse happens in all kinds of families and we — society — should never close our eyes to it, whether it comes in the form of peer-on-peer bullying, educational neglect in any setting including public schools, abusive parenting, limiting girls' education, or in any other form. This is something we should be addressing on a political level.

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