One time, being very depressed and suicidal, I took 42 pills that were 50mgs diphenhydramine from Wal-Mart. Thinking I wasn't going to wake up. I instantly was getting tired and my chest was getting heavier and I couldn't stop thinking about my dad. I told myself if I went for a walk I'd keep myself awake and i would not die.. I made it down the road before I started tripping over my own feet and could feel my body and hands, thick, throbbing.. I raised my hands and could see my veins were bulging, I could feel my face, I was scared it looked the same way.. I was turned around and confused and knew I needed to get home. I kept feeling like I was being followed... I turned around at one point to yell "go away!" Another time to belt out "stop!" I wanted to yell stop following me but it took so much energy to yell stop.. And the last thing I remember yelling behind me was "don't".. The words couldn't get any shorter or harder to say. At one point I thought I was lost or was going the opposite direction but something else kept me going and over riding the doubt, convincing me I was going the right way. I was. When I got to my apartment I realized things were kind of blurry and I was trying my hardest to breathe because i noticed how shallow my breathing was... Walking up two flights of stairs to my door felt impossible. I got into my place and went to my boyfriend for help but I couldn't talk. My sentences were every other word. I was saying "help".. But he didn't understand and went back to sleep.. I looked at the back of one of the pull bottles thinking of calling the poison control number but for the life of me nothing was clear. I couldn't make out a thing and was trying so hard. I could barely stand.. My legs felt like poles holding up weight that was only trying to defeat the purpose of being held up at all.. Couldn't throw up, see, breathe, do anything... I started going in and out of a jeaporady like game show, and I kept snapping myself out of it. I told myself I was going to die and I would bounce back and forth from caring to not giving a sh*t. I started to really pass out and so loud and so clearly my dad or my ex boyfriend Rushaun we're in my face or at my neck yelling into my ear "I want to see you again!!" And with attitude I would say back "I know!!" But through my head because I really couldn't spit words with volume out by this point. Right before i finally woke up.. It felt so real, Rushaun was looking at me like I was waking up and blinking and caught him watching me sleep.. all while still being asleep.. Said "okay, wake up now?" And I opened my eyes and was still here.
For three days my vision was blurry and I couldn't focus on things no matter how hard I tried or messed with the distance of something to my eyes. I thought at one point I had screwed up my eyes and was going to be blind forever.
I'm still here.