OK so this is going to get deep, no pun intended. I'm 13 and frequently masterbait to blow off steam, ive gone this for years sense I was sexually assaulted, and sense I was 7/8 when it happened all I thought was 'this feels nice! Might as well do it to myself!' And not that I needed to contact police and go to therapy. Even when I started to realize and get more traumatized by the event I still masterbaited frequently, around 5-3 days a week and very rarely skip more than a week in an entire month with this 'schedule'. I don't intend to stop unless it physically need to, but my lips and stretched and beaten-looking. Note that I DID NOT start to use an penetrative item until 11 and I only started to use it more than once a month a few months ago (8-9). I personally am terrified of birth and going to the obgyn and just sex in general. Im afraid anyone i date in the future will think its ugly or not want me because of it, im afraid of the obgyn jugding me and due to the molestation i freak out when I even think of anyone touching me without me knowing them very very well or without consent. Im afraid the same scenario will accour in child birth, that someone will jugde me or touch me and claim they need to check and start doing things withiut my consent, ive heard many stories of obgyn birth people forcing an exam to do somethinf with membranes with little to no consent and being forcefull painful and fast because its not going fast enough for them. my mother has only seen my vaginal area once withiut my consent while I pissed withiut knowing she was looking and while I almost freaked out due to trama she called me a s*** anf said I shoukd be ashamed of my opening of my legs. i want to know if the large beaten-up-ness of my vaginal lips is normal, fixable, and or has and ways to fix themselves (aka eating certain foods with certain vitamins that might improve it) or just reasurance that im not f*****g insane abiut being insecure. Thank you and please ignore my grammar mistakes, im writing fast.
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